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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel ambushed into providing child care

136 replies

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:17

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

OP posts:
AggroPotato · 24/08/2026 20:46

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:35

I don't think he understands the imposition at all.

Of course he doesn't, you have a fanny. It's your job to save him from his own disorganisation.

Why are you agreeing to do something you don't want to do? This is not your problem.

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:41

Lol no not for a week, she's not very xhild orientated at the moment

OP posts:
YourAquaLion · 24/08/2026 20:41

Tell him you can’t get the time of work so you are unable to do it. Sorted! He will just never learn if you acquiesce to this OP. It’s his own brother who shud feel guilty for letting him down. Where is the poor child’s mother?

QuickBrown · 24/08/2026 20:39

Would your 19 yo be available to do it for £££

Heretohelp1111 · 24/08/2026 20:37

Tell him you’ve got other commitments. You don’t have to offer any further explanation.

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:36

Other parent not around

OP posts:
Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:36

CamillaMcCauley · 24/08/2026 20:34

Perhaps he can take that up with the person who let him down. It’s not your job to run around after a man who can’t organise his life.

Show quote history

That's a great point

OP posts:
Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:35

I don't think he understands the imposition at all.

OP posts:
Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 24/08/2026 20:34

Yes, how is he related to you?

Where's the other parent in this?

Does he usually have shared care? I.e. could he have planned the trip for another time when his DS wasn't meant to be with him?

CamillaMcCauley · 24/08/2026 20:34

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:19

Guilt, he could lose money

Perhaps he can take that up with the person who let him down. It’s not your job to run around after a man who can’t organise his life.

Icecreamisthebest · 24/08/2026 20:34

Why on earth is he going on holiday without his child?

Send him a text now saying that you’ve rechecked your schedule for the week and it won’t be possible. Or if you do want to do it then what will make it possible? DN staying at your house with animals in care and all meals prepared and provided?

Put your foot down or ge will do this forever

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:33

Nephew is 12 so can't be left

OP posts:
IronEverything · 24/08/2026 20:33

Why would you feel guilty about his mistake?

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 24/08/2026 20:32

What about after school childcare? Will you be working still?

I think the way it’s so last minute would make me say ‘no’ as there’s no time for you to think properly!

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:32

No idea why he booked it. Childcare was his own brother who apparently has changed plans last minute

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 24/08/2026 20:32

No. Why do people struggle so much about saying no. Your lack of planning not my crisis etc.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 24/08/2026 20:31

How old is your nephew?

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:30

I don't live too far from him but all the back and forth, taking clothes, wash stuff etc is hassle.

OP posts:
NoCommentingFromNowOn · 24/08/2026 20:30

Your sisters ex or your ex’s brother? It would make a difference to me!

You should say no. His finances are his problem, he has not considered his son at all, first week back is always a bit dodgy, new class etc and the son might need his dad.

Why did he book it?

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:29

Nephew is back at school next week. My child is 19 so that's not an issue but I'd have my car so she couldn't use it in the evenings

OP posts:
Sartre · 24/08/2026 20:27

Why did he book a holiday with no secure childcare in place, and on the first week back at school for his DS as well? Wow.

6ate9 · 24/08/2026 20:27

It would be better (and nicer for your nephew) if he was included in his dad’s holiday!

Mumof1andacat · 24/08/2026 20:26

What about your work? How can you be off at such short notice

stichguru · 24/08/2026 20:26

Just tell him no. You shouldn't be working and doing childcare at the same time.

MageKing · 24/08/2026 20:26

Why on earth would you feel guilty because your exBIL might lose money?!

But no, you dont have to say yes. Say no. Point out you also work. Offer whatever you are able/willing to do and leave the rest to him.