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Original poster

To feel ambushed into providing child care

136 replies

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:17

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

OP posts:
BruFord · 24/08/2026 21:35

I expect he's asked you because you're a kind person and he knows/thinks that you can be persuaded - but it's a big ask given that you have to stay at his house!

JJWT · 24/08/2026 21:33

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:32

No idea why he booked it. Childcare was his own brother who apparently has changed plans last minute

I can't understand why that means he asks you? He's your ex BIL? Its literally not your problem whatsoever. What about the person who is presumably the link between you eg your sister? ie the boy's mum? Is he her ex? Or is he your ex husband's brother in which case has he asked your ex husband? Grandparents? Poor kid. He needs to cancel the holiday.

Jopo12 · 24/08/2026 21:32

He's a single parent and the mother is absent..he doesn't get to go on holiday alone, sorry. He needs to suck it up and book holidays that include his son

LivingTheDreamish · 24/08/2026 21:32

You can say no OP. He should cancel his holiday if he genuinely can’t get childcare. Why should your week be derailed to facilitate his lads trip (or other presumably selfish reason he’s going on holiday without his son).

Nofeckingway · 24/08/2026 21:29

Your Ex BIL ? So is this child your sister's boy ? Where is she ? If he is your ExH brother why are you even involved? To be fair to him , it seems he did have childcare sorted but has been ket down at the last minute. Hard to understand why he planned to go away when he has his son . If you can manage it, it would be kind of you . But I would want to paid something because of the inconvenience and fuel .etc.

BruFord · 24/08/2026 21:23

Your ex-brother in law?

Presumably you get on with him, but it seems strange to be asking his brother's ex to babysit. This "brother" of his who was supposed to do it isn't your ex-husband perchance?

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2026 21:19

So you’re doing it are you? You don’t have to, you can message him right now and say no, it’s not happening and he’ll have to sort something.

Or you can list all of the many reasons it’s hugely inconvenient while letting him treat you like a bloody doormat. Up to you.

pizzaHeart · 24/08/2026 21:19

Do you want me to call your BIL for you to tell him that you are not available?

momtoboys · 24/08/2026 21:16

Why do so few women stand up for themselves? What he is asking is OUTRAGEOUS.

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/08/2026 21:15

If a mother dumped her kid with unreliable childcare for a holiday she would be flayed alive, on her and IRL. WTF?

"Frankly it was a piss take asking for two days, I am not doing anymore than two days"

BlackCat14 · 24/08/2026 21:15

So many questions!

In what way is he your ex brother in law? Your sisters ex? Your exs brother? How exactly are you linked to this man?

If you’re at work, and not planning on booking the week off, how can you look after the child anyway? Unless you work 9-3 or something?

What did you actually say to him when he asked? Have you agreed to do it?

momtoboys · 24/08/2026 21:14

No is a complete sentence.

Shinyandnew1 · 24/08/2026 21:13

No, I wouldn’t do any days. I have never booked a holiday on my own..because I have kids! I take them with me if I go away-that’s what you do. Not try to fob them off of random family members and whinge you’ll lose money if they don’t want to

pollyglot · 24/08/2026 21:10

Is he planning on paying you?

Delphiniumandlupins · 24/08/2026 21:09

What would make it acceptable to you? Having the boy at your house? All the animals into kennels or boarding? Your daughter coming too? Meals provided or money left for some takeaways? A reciprocal arrangement whereby he looks after your pets for your next holiday? If there is nothing then say no, it's really not your fault or responsibility.

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 21:06

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 24/08/2026 20:54

So you’re doing the two plus extra three days? He’s away for a week, who is doing the other two?

His sister

OP posts:
CookingSucks · 24/08/2026 21:06

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:23

Guilt, he could lose money. He's not here now. He came yesterday to ask me to do 2 days which I agreed thrn turned up again today without warning asking me to do another 3 days

Where’s the child’s mother - your sibling or sibling-in-law? Shouldn’t they be first point of call?

Chunkybabythighs · 24/08/2026 21:02

I mean you're the wet lettuce/chump agreeing to it. Say no.

Rachelshair · 24/08/2026 21:02

Why couldn't he take his kid with him on holiday? A bit mean dumping him on relatives the first week of term. If he loses money he'll be more sensible next time.
You can either say no and feel guilty (you don't need to) or say yes and feel resentful. Your choice.

DontBuyAnotherBook · 24/08/2026 20:58

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:41

Lol no not for a week, she's not very xhild orientated at the moment

Neither is his dad from the sound of it.

DontBuyAnotherBook · 24/08/2026 20:57

Better if he booked his holiday and took his child with him!

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · 24/08/2026 20:55

It’s not a few days, it’s 5/7!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 24/08/2026 20:54

So you’re doing the two plus extra three days? He’s away for a week, who is doing the other two?

Dollymylove · 24/08/2026 20:49

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:23

Guilt, he could lose money. He's not here now. He came yesterday to ask me to do 2 days which I agreed thrn turned up again today without warning asking me to do another 3 days

Why isnt he taking his child on holiday?

Ilovemyfam · 24/08/2026 20:46

Icecreamisthebest · 24/08/2026 20:34

Why on earth is he going on holiday without his child?

Send him a text now saying that you’ve rechecked your schedule for the week and it won’t be possible. Or if you do want to do it then what will make it possible? DN staying at your house with animals in care and all meals prepared and provided?

Put your foot down or ge will do this forever

I sort of understand. I have to house sit my daughter’s dog when she (reluctantly) goes away without him. I do it willingly but even though she is only about 5 minutes walk from my house remembering to take clothes and all my clutter is a faff. I only work about 7 hours a week too.

For me this post offers what would be a good solution. You are still being kind to your nephew - but the hassle of the car, feeding the pets, taking clothes- all resolved.