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Original poster

To feel ambushed into providing child care

136 replies

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:17

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

OP posts:
JHITRM77 · 24/08/2026 22:29

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:24

I wouldn't lose money I'd still be able to work. It's the last minute asking, expecting me to drop my life for those days

Tbh if he's been dropped in it at the last-minute and has to scrabble for childcare he's not done anything wrong in asking. He's not expecting you to drop everything to help him from what you've said, he's told you what he needs and asked for help. That's okay for family I think. It's also okay for you to say sorry I can't help 🤷‍♀️

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 24/08/2026 22:29

PrettyLittleRose · 24/08/2026 22:26

Just say you cannot do it @chasegirl

.

Edited

You didn't have to guess, you could have just read the OP's posts!

He asked his brother first.

OP already said no.

Shinyandnew1 · 24/08/2026 22:28

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:03

I've told him I can't do it. Did it by text as I'm a chicken but he took it well. It was the way he asked that really wound me up, just turning up not even checking I was free or even at home. I'd just got back from work.

He's my sisters ex. I dont mind helping out but a full week with such short notice (and no emergency) and the expectation that I'd be free just felt like he was really cheeky

If he’s your sister’s ex and he is a single dad, I presume your sister has sadly died-was this recently?

PrettyLittleRose · 24/08/2026 22:26

Just say you cannot do it @chasegirl

.

likelysuspect · 24/08/2026 22:25

AggroPotato · 24/08/2026 20:46

Of course he doesn't, you have a fanny. It's your job to save him from his own disorganisation.

Why are you agreeing to do something you don't want to do? This is not your problem.

Show quote history

Is that right? He organised childcare with his own brother OP said. A man. Not with a fanny

The man let him down, its not his disorganisation

He shouldnt put it on OP of course but your comment is ridiculous.

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePleaseBarista · 24/08/2026 22:20

Well done @chasegirl.

Sam9769 · 24/08/2026 22:16

Stick with the two days you agreed and he'll have to find someone else for the other three!

Ilovelifeverymuch · 24/08/2026 22:13

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:08

His brother is known yo be a bit flakey when it comes to plans so no idea why he thought asking him was a good idea

I'm assuming your sister doesn't have contact or involvement with the child?

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:08

His brother is known yo be a bit flakey when it comes to plans so no idea why he thought asking him was a good idea

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 24/08/2026 22:04

I think that is very cheeky and I would not have agreed to anything if he put you on the spot like that. His brother let him down and not sure where your sister fits into all this but why is it your responsibility? At the very least I would make him pay for a pet sitter so your nephew can stay with you and you do not have to relocate. It seems unfair to leave your DD for the whole week especially if she relies on the car from time to time and why should you have to lug your work stuff over there. If he loses money it will teach him to sort out his childcare first in the future before booking holidays. Or he could have booked it while his son was off school and taken him with him.

Original poster
chasegirl · 24/08/2026 22:03

I've told him I can't do it. Did it by text as I'm a chicken but he took it well. It was the way he asked that really wound me up, just turning up not even checking I was free or even at home. I'd just got back from work.

He's my sisters ex. I dont mind helping out but a full week with such short notice (and no emergency) and the expectation that I'd be free just felt like he was really cheeky

OP posts:
Queenncat · 24/08/2026 22:03

The kid is your nephew - from what direct relation? You say ex bil - whose husband was he? Looks like his siblings are going to have to step up more. Not your circus.

HideousKinky · 24/08/2026 21:58

This is not your problem to solve

Mudflaps · 24/08/2026 21:55

Has he booked a holiday for the week his ds goes back to school? I hope not.

OldieButBaddie · 24/08/2026 21:50

How about suggesting that your nephew stays with you and he arranges care for his pets

Lavendersong · 24/08/2026 21:49

I’d probably do it if it didn’t inconvenience me with work etc even if it is last minute. It wouldn’t really bother me tbh

JLou08 · 24/08/2026 21:49

You could just say no. Can people not even ask people to babysit anymore without them getting offended?

Confettions · 24/08/2026 21:49

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:17

My ex brother in law has booked a holiday next week for a week. He is a single Dad to my nephew. He had child care sorter, I thought anyway. This childcare turns out to be a bit flakey so he has asked me if I can do a few days to help. It would mean staying at his house cos of their pets. I work full time and have a 6 day week next week. He didn't give ne any warning just turned up this evening to ask

Sorry I’m working all week and not available.

Getalittle · 24/08/2026 21:48

Yes I’d do it as I go out of my way for family and they often do for me. Don’t understand the ‘I wouldn’t care about his holiday’ lot. Pretty cold.

If it was for a friend, probably not.

SethTrek · 24/08/2026 21:47

Either just say no, or say yes while outlining how inconvenient it is and telling him how he can mitigate that for you. Whether that's paying you for your time, or using his time to do something for you - diy, decorating, gardening...

goldenpanda · 24/08/2026 21:46

I’d say no to all the childcare now as I’d be worried that if I said no to 3 more days but OK to the first two, that the CF would say it’s for 2 days only, put nothing else in place then tell you whilst abroad he needs the last 3 days.

Say no sorry I can’t and don’t explain why.

wafflesmgee · 24/08/2026 21:44

nope
no way

C152 · 24/08/2026 21:43

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:19

Guilt, he could lose money

Seriously?! Tough shit! You could lose your job if you're unable to work properly because you're babysitting. He's obviously realised you're a soft touch as he's come back and demanded more of you. If his (paid) childcare has fallen through, he'll have to sort other childcare or not do whatever is taking him away. It's what mothers do all the time.

Sereine · 24/08/2026 21:40

Why is it your problem if he will lose money? Surely it's his brother's fault and they should sort it out between them?

Pistachiocake · 24/08/2026 21:36

chasegirl · 24/08/2026 20:36

Other parent not around

That makes me sympathise more, if he is always sorting out his child, so it's not like the odd day he was supposed to sort and didn't, but like others, I'd ask him why he was going without his kid, and it is still an imposition on you.
In your shoes, if I could help, I would-the kid is your nephew, he is already missing one parent, and it's good to help family-you never know, they might help you in the future. But it depends how difficult it is for you-suggest other people who might not be working eg do all the grandparents work, or could they do some?

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