To feel ambushed into providing child care

Yes, you’re right, he sounds really responsible and sensible over all, so I don’t know why my mind went there. Thanks for correcting me.

We have no idea what the holiday is for and why the child can’t go but don’t be so judgemental. He might have taken the child on holiday during the holidays and now has something planned without him for plenty of reasons.

Say No. Problem solved

So it’s your nephew, who is 12. Personally I would do it as he will be at school most of the time. It’s a bit sad he is not going on the holiday with his Dad but maybe they have already done something together over the summer. As a single parent he is allowed some time off.

I’m not sure why you’re making it into a sex thing.

The parent who is a single parent, doing everything is a male.
The person who was supposed to be doing the childcare was male.
It wasn’t like he asked OP to do it from the beginning.

Either the boys mum cannot be bothered to be involved - not the dads fault.
Or she’s dead - so OP would likely be very close to her nephew.

Apart from asking OP face to face, the ex BIL has done nothing wrong.

I would be interested to know where the boy’s mum/OP’s sister is if he is singe parent. Has she sadly died and if so, when? The dad going on holiday without him seems particularly crap if this is the case.

I have to disagree with this.

He is allowed to have time away from his child without feeling guilty.
That is even more the case if his DP died.

He is already doing the parenting 24/7 and I would never begrudge a single parent a few days break.

He had solid childcare in place but it fell through, which isn’t his fault.

I think he was rude the way he asked OP but it’s understandable why he would ask her if he trusts her with his child.

I would look after my siblings kids and if they ever died or weren’t involved, then I would still do it for their partner.

But then then some posters would claim that the OP has to cancel her work/take a short notice holiday/resign. The nearest woman is to make the sacrifice so the bearer of the golden dick doesn't have to. Their tiny narrow minds are outraged by a woman working, earning and supporting herself, let alone making her own decisions about how she will spend her valueless time. How very dare she! It's always the woman they put under pressure when a child is being pushed to one side by the sperm donor, even more so when that woman is not a parent to the child in question. I guess for them the presence of a uterus makes a person an automatic nanny. The village, to them, is made up of happy handmaidens taking responsibility for any and every child.

The OP said she is working 6 days next week. She can’t make it into an amazing holiday for him and nor should she have to.

I would be interested to know where the boy’s mum/OP’s sister is if he is singe parent. Has she sadly died and if so, when? The dad going on holiday without him seems particularly crap if this is the case.

My mind is blown that you didn’t just say you couldn’t help you were working.

But aside from that, this kid is year 8. How rubbish for him on his first week back at high school he hasn’t got an adult- preferably a parent to care about his return to school. To ask how his day was, his new teachers, lunch, help with homework. Honestly screams mild emotional neglect of the part of his dad.

Why would you feel guilty that he would lose money?

Since it sounds like his request is something you can do, but will be a lot of hassle for you, whether or not I'd do it would depend on how good an ex-BiL he was to me. If he was always friendly and helped out when I needed it, invited me round to gatherings and was generally a positive influence in my life, then I'd probably help. If he only ever got in touch when he wanted something, then I wouldn't.

Your EX BIL?
EX??
No way would I get involved.

I know right?

Say no? It doesn't seem complicated. He asked, you can say no. For whatever reason. I wouldn't do it.

Where is your sister?

Well I would have wanted to spend the week with my nephew so I would have said yes. Especially if for whatever reason my sister, his mum, is not in his life. I’d also start organising things properly to have him a few days her and there to spend quality time with him and for his dad to get a bit of a break. I was a lone parent, it is beyond hard.

Where is your sister in all this?

He could even God forbid, take his child with him on holiday?

Well done.

You say, Other parent not around. You mean your sister?
Does BiL have full and sole custody? Is he a lone parent?
I'd be taking that into consideration. Single parents seldom get proper breaks. Looks like he had it sorted then his own brother fucked him over last minute. I feel sorry for the boy, actually. I wouldn't want him feeling like he's a burden, a football getting tossed around, and would likely have him at mine whole week and tell BiL to put pets into kennel or cancel holiday. I'd then make it an amazing week for my nephew and get my 19-year old on board.

Not your problem. You aren't available, even if you wanted to cover.

You're very kind, I wouldn't be doing any of it. You shouldn't feel any guilt if he can't go or loses money.

He had something planned and it fell through and is now desperately trying to find something else. The way he asked might not have been nice but he is presumably panicking.

the nephew is 12, is he able to make his own way to and from school and can you work as normal. If you don’t need to cancel things I would try and make it work and it gives you an opportunity to connect with your nephew.

otherwise what is your daughter doing? Would she be available to do it ?

Still not your fucking problem. I wouldn't feel guilty about someone else ineptitude.

If he's been let down, still not your problem.

I guarantee he wouldn't do the same for you and would say no.

And here is the village in action I see. Not OP as such, but the other posters.

This.

You said yes. That's on you.

Learn to say no and don't get walked all over.