AIBU to back granddaughter wanting sole use of holiday flat?

Well done OP!!

Your DD and her son should be incredibly grateful that they can ever stay at your holiday home!

Neither of them get to dictate to you (the owner!!!) who gets to stay there and when.

Tell them if they keep up with that attitude then neither of them will be staying there ever again.

Sorry OP but your DD sounds incredibly spoilt and entitled and she’s now taught her son to be the same.

Absolutely not.
Your sister and her bratty child sound awful.

YABU for staying out of it. You need to tell him clearly that your GD is staying there alone because she’s not comfortable with him inviting his friends over when she’s there.

Surely your DD can see why a 20 year old girl would be intimidated by a group of strange older men in her accommodation??

A 28 year old man getting his mum to fight his battles and she’s the spoilt one?

Don't stay out of it, that won't help matters. Stand firm, GD booked it first. It's a luxury to have such accommodation within a family, not an entitlement. He's missed out this time. He'll have to make other arrangements. Dont make your young GD go up against her cousin AND her aunt (I assume) just back her up, it's booked. End of.

Why are you staying out of it?
You own it??

It would be different if DD was staying there for months but she’s staying there for 1 month only.

Her cousin is able to use it at any other time.

Why are you letting people walk all over you.

You own the flat so you decide who stays and for how long. Not your DD or your grandson.

Your granddaughter asked for the use of it for all of September. You said yes. It's reasonable to assume that both she and you meant the sole use of it. You would be rude if you changed the terms of your agreement now.

Your grandson should have made his plans further in advance before it became booked for September. It's a good lesson for him in forward thinking and planning. Presumably if he asked to use the flat when it wasn't occupied later in the year, you'd agree?

Don't stay out of it. That's confusing for everyone.

She has the right to feel safe and is telling you that hisbinviting friends over makes her feel unsafe. You say no to him and don’t put her at risk.

Grandaughter has a course so assuming she can't choose a different date. Also she asked first.

Grandson can wait until the flat is available for him to use. End of conversation.

As you said, the Grandkids are adults so your daughter should just keep herself out of it. It's not her flat or her decision to make.

She has it for September, he can have it when she’s vacated. If your DD kicks off tell her she can pay for an Airbnb for her son until the end of Sept. Your DGD will be a lone female abroad and you don’t want anyone else having a key to it for that time.

Its your flat so it is up to you.

Tell your daughter that your granddaughter has PAID for sole occupancy to study. she doesn’t need to know that it’s a lie or any amount paid. It could be a token amount for all she knows. She has no right to know the amount. She just needs to know that you two had a contract that cannot be broken.

I agree you should stand up for your dgd. She is only 20. Your dgs can stay there another time.

Stand up for your granddaughter. it's your holiday flat and you've said she can use it that week.

Your grandson isn't being deprived; he has plenty of opportunities, thanks to you, to use the flat himself with his friends. It's your granddaughter's turn and he needs to respect that. Tell him if he continues to argue, or go to his mother over it, he won't be allowed the use of it for quite some time as you won't tolerate ungrateful bullies.

I don't think you're being fair at all in letting your young 20 year old granddaughter fend for herself against a 28 year old pushy man. Yeah, he's your grandson, but you admit yourself that he's insistent and a bully (sounds like he's got it from his mother). I think it's absolutely on you to decide who stays in the flat - it's your flat after all.

If your grandson brings his friends over against your wishes, that's even more reason to tell him he can't use the flat. He's a guest, if he can't respect the rules, he doesn't get to stay. End of.

It's a three bedroom flat. It seems pretty unreasonable not to let your other grandchild stay too. But you can certainly limit who else he has to stay there, and if he breaks the rules he won't be allowed to use it anymore.

You say he has invited others there before. But presumably that wasn't when his female cousin was using it and said she was uncomfortable with it.

If you think he is really not to be trusted to behave appropriately then you should say no. But in a normal set up it would be odd not to ask them to share.

if you allow this and force them to share you will lose the relationship with her - you are putting her bullying male cousins wishes ahead of her after shes told you shes not comfortable

Sorry, but no you can’t just step back. You’ve given it to your granddaughter for September so you need to tell your grandson that he cannot stay there for September. He lives in the area - he doesn’t need a second location to bring friends. And your granddaughter should not need to be concerned about random men being brought back to the flat.

This really is on you to sort out. And tell your daughter that her behaviour is making it clear where your grandson gets his entitlement from.

It’s your home so your decision, I’m with you and your GD- her safety comes first and he has form for inviting random men over.

Well, which is it? You told him no, or you said they have to "sort it out between them"? (How would that even work? How do they "sort out" rights over someone else's property, when neither of them has any actual rights here? What would the sorting-out entail? Scariest, nastiest bully with the most aggressive mum wins?).

You've got a grandson who seems to be pretty certain that mere women need to fall into line when he's decided he wants something. You can't stop his mother encouraging him in this belief, but you don't have to and neither does your granddaughter. You've told him no; nothing more to "sort". It's your property. Don't discuss it further.

"We own", who is "we"? Do you co-own it with your DD?

If it's yours and not also your DD's then I'd step in and have granddaughter the sole use of it. If she's uncomfortable with him bringing mates back, let her have it for the month alone.

If your DD also part owns it, that obviously makes it trickier, but I have a feeling this isn't the case.

I don't think it's right for you to step back and let them sort it out themselves if he has bullying tendencies. She's a young woman, who may find it harder to push back against him.

Your GD needs it for a course. Your GS wants it for weekends away. She asked and IMO her need for accommodation abroad supersedes his need for a party location. Given too he has form for not respecting limits put on him he needs a firm NO

Your daughter ranting and raving is showing where her son gets his entitled behaviour from, your grandson wants to party and that isn't fair or maybe safe for your granddaughter. Just keep firm. He can use it after September.