Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

Op dint beat yourself up for having your attention pulled for a few secidns, it's a normal reaction to look when someone shouts you. Or for not cancelling your daughter's dance lessons so you could take him swimming. What happened was a shock, and you've fixed it so it doesn't happen again. Beating yourself up won't help and isn't needed.

Glad he is ok. I think the issue is with vests (and other swim aids for that matter) is they do give a false sense of security.

Don't beat yourself up over it though as accidents happen. It sounds like you are being proactive now in seeking out swim lessons and he will be at the right age to now benefit from them.

You mention not doing this previously due to DDs dance, and I see she is 16. Is there no way she is able to get herself to lessons or share lifts with another parent if you don't manage to get in with the other swim teacher? (If she is doing multiple classes a week you could do a day that doesn't clash and find a parent that does the day swimming is on, or DD could get there herself and then you only just need to pick up?).

This was absolutely peak Mumsnet!

There's a horrifying stat about how many children drown within arms' reach of a parent.

Generally, I think most floatation aids (including armbands) hamper a child's ability to learn how to float and swim and didn't use them with mine, but can totally understand why you would, especially on a holiday. Don't beat yourself up OP, when I was about 9 I thought it would be hilarious to put armbands around my feet, despite being an artistic swimmer and knowing full well how buoyancy worked. So even if you've taught your kids to swim stuff happens.

Most children can't swim at age 3 even the ones who have lessons, and I would have assumed the life vests were safe too OP. Thanks for raising awareness.

Reminds me of the time I was in the school pool ( newts and twigs and a splintery shed for a changing room, no showers either, awful place) wearing a rubber ring that somehow slipped down to my thighs bringing my legs up and my head down. As usual the useless PE teacher was very busy coaching the competitive swimmers ( just like she coached the kids who had private tennis lessons! Actually I think they were the same kids) and ignoring the non swimmers, so didn’t see me nearly drown. You never did manage to teach me to swim did you Miss Williams? I taught myself some years later which is why I now swim like a turtle.

I am glad to hear your lad is none the worse for the incident OP. Must have been a scarey moment.

Lots of good advise here….i would maybe just reiterate a few things having grown up with a pool on a lake and having been a lifeguard and swimming instructor from my experience.

1. At 3 there is no aid that will protect a child fully. These are aids not replacements for swimming.
2. Lifevests aren’t really designed for baby pools - they are designed for deeper water where the legs can be vertically in the water but this one sounds a bit dodgy.
3. Lifevests need to be put on tightly. If the panels overlap or touch the best is too big.
4. I have seen more than one kid go under. It’s scary but they are normally fine. Stop beating your self up and spiralling.
5. To those who say about affordability of swimming lessons I agree - but if you can afford a holiday abroad you can afford some lessons.
6. Adopt thr eyes always on policy. At all times eyes on children in the water. When someone else is watching verbally say ‘do you have eyes on’. It saves the ‘ I thought you were watching’ thinking.
7. Kids should learn to be safe in water without needing buoyancy aids.

Ive seen this more than once and while super scary to you just to reassure your child is fine. They have been looked over and are appearing normally. Crappy experience but please don’t spiral.

I assume they are just the light swim vests. Speedo do them..
https://www.johnlewis.com/speedo-baby-penguin-float-vest-azure-blue-fluro/p109825634?

We have one and I don’t really like it. But do still use it because our proper life jacket would look stupid in the communal swim pool.

We do take our proper life jacket when at sea, boating or in private pool holidays…https://baltic.se/en/products/skipper-life-jacket/

You really would struggle to drown in the latter.

@Lolarose999 just wanted to say I hope you are ok and I hope you can continue to enjoy your holiday. He will most likely have already forgotten about it and it’s unlikely to be an event that sticks in his memory if he’s 3. Please try not to worry, you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and as a previous poster said, best thing is to get back in the pool and help him learn how to float. Try to push it out of your mind now and enjoy your holiday x

What an awful experience, OP! It’s good that you have posted your experience here because hopefully a few people will learn from this. As a former lifeguard, I have witnessed similar events. I also regularly used to advise parents about tbe risks and they usually did not believe me. PPs are right about the jacket (and also other floats) give parents a false sense of security.

@Lolarose999 - when my younger daughter was 4, she nearly got on to a tube train without me (we wanted a different one). I was about 1 metre behind her and grabbed her back but she’s a young adult now and that incident still gives me chills when i remember it. A friend of mine lost her 7 year old son (now in his mid-20s) on a beach for 30 mins. I think most parents have that ouch memory with their children. It comes with the territory. Lesson learned. Forgive yourself.

Do you realise not everyone can afford them, some children have chronic ear conditions, some people don't think about swimming at the age of 3.

Its hardly the crime of the year have some empathy.

Good for you

ToffeePennie probably.

Don’t places generally only start offering lessons at an older age?

Try not to beat yourself up about it, he’s safe and you made a mistake. You thought your child would be safe. Those life vest along with all sort of other products are really unsafe they hold a child in a drowning position! It also creates muscle memory in a drowning position, try arm bands and try to teach him this holiday how to starfish on his back!

Not true. I used to be a lifeguard. Weak swimmers or non-swimmers are far more likely to drown.

Of course you are going to feel bad but remember you bought that life vest thinking you were doing the right thing by your son. You are not a bad mum. give yourself some credit and i am sure you will never take your eyes off the little one even for a second when they are in the or near the water. Please try and enjoy the rest of your holiday 🌺

Look you’ve had a shock.

You’ve learned about the life vests.

You’ve booked swim lessons.

Please now go and enjoy your holiday. No point continuing to beat yourself up as you’ve done a really positive thing - recognised a mistake and taken action not to repeat it.

I’d really recommend no floatation devices and teaching kids to lie on their back & float if panicked or drowning. Mine have never had arm bands or life vest and are confident swimmers now. Most children can actually learn to swim well underwater before they can swim on top of the water. Floatation devices mess with their ability to learn to underwater swim and give false confidence to both them and others.

PS don’t beat yourself up. He is fine and always would have been fine because you were right there and ready to rescue him!

Whew! Glad you’d stopped bleeding, might have been a bit of a mess poolside.
and is your DS8 employed as a lifeguard now that he’s qualified??

We were visiting family in South Africa. The day after our visit the 4 year old got into the pool somehow in the evening. They had a fence around it. They found him at the bottom....

He's now 27 and fit and healthy thank god. Even in a country where pools are the norm and everyone is drilled about safety, accidents happen. Your son is fine. He probably will not even remember it...but I'd get shot of the vest

I cant disagree that in an ideal situation this would be great but in reality most three year olds cannot swim

I’d be more concerned he thought this was a reasonable question, what sort of monster would choose the salad?

When my daughter was about 4, she almost drowned right in front of me. I was on the side watching her a bit as she went down a slide she’d been on many times. I watched her go off, and then noticed she was sort of bobbing up and down. I thought she was just playing around. The water was a bit too deep for her where she was, I thought she was kicking off the bottom and popping off for fun. The. I realized it was weird. I ran to the side and screamed, the lifeguard saw and got her out. She coughed for ages in inbetween crying and eventually told me she had gone down the slide wrong and water went up her nose. She was gasping for air but of course couldn’t scream. For weeks I had nightmares about it and couldn’t sleep. I still remember it perfectly and it makes me feel sick. Drowning is silent. That’s why people don’t notice. A kid is slowly suffocating, but not making any noise. Try to forgive yourself! I know you won’t forget but forgive!

Oh wow aren’t you just so amazing, off you trot and polish your Mum Halo. Ffs. 🤦‍♀️