Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

I'm in Australia, our 3 year olds aren't different. I'd be worried if a 3 year old couldn't manage 15m alone, many manage a lot more. That said, they still need to be supervised at that age, no matter how well they swim.

OP, you've had a fright, but he's okay and you've already learnt from the experience. For me, swimming is a life skill, an absolute essential. Our kids did quite a lot of activities growing up, they chose all sorts of things along the way, but swimming was never optional when it really can be the difference between life and death.

Gosh, my daughter did the same when she was about the same age in a rubber ring, somehow she managed to turn herself upside down in the blink of an eye. I was also in the pool with her but had turned my head to have a brief conversation. She was fine but I was scared shitless! Lesson learned you literally can't take your eyes off them for second. These thing happen and no harm done, you have to let it go now.

You are shocked and traumatised over this potentially life threatening incident which is understandable.
I think you response is normal.
You have reflected and learnt from it.

1. You cannot take your eyes off small children near or in water.
2. review life jacket floatation aids.
3. get you little one swimming lessons that include water safety skills.

OP I can imagine what an awful shock this was for you. But honestly, you were the opposite of a bad parent. You put your child in a life vest, you never left his side, you never looked away for more than a moment. And the result is that your boy is safe and well. Now you know better about life vests you’ll make a different choice. And now that you’ve had this experience you will look into swimming lessons. That’s parenting - and life. We live and learn. But you never for a moment put your child in real danger. He could not have drowned in those few moments. You were present and responsible. It was a horrible experience for you both. But that doesn’t make you a bad parent. Quite the opposite. Sorry you had this experience.

Worth adding that I went to Badgers - junior St Johns Ambulance. It was lots of fun, and I still remember Dr ABC.

I think one thing that deserves mention is that OP's husband has hopefully learned his lesson too about faffing around about her food order when she's supervising their child. I've got a husband who thinks I have magic hearing too, and can flawlessly understand and respond to him whilst a toddler asks me why the water is wet.

Mumsnet really has turned into a parody of itself on this thread. 😂

That’s not really for your standard swimming pool. Fair enough if you’re going for an expedition on the open seas I suppose.

My view is that they don't really need swimming lessons until they are 5 as you are always in the pool supervising them anyway. DD2 only had them younger as DD1 was having them but they are an absolute money suck at that age and do very little. Whereas at five they pick it up quickly as long as it's a small group, and you might get away with only a few months or a year or so of lessons to make them into a competent swimmer.

The ones with the leg clip also have the correct neck/head support, so if the body is left to go floppy and float, the body remains on the back, rather than turning onto the front. Similar to the picture below once it is approved.

i still have the image in my mind of ds rushing into the sea, he had shoes on and so the shingle was no barrier.
he is 30 now!

I can appreciate how frightening that was. The important thing is, that ds is okay. Really important now that you both get back in to the pool, and don't let fear take over. Swimming is a life saving skill. Can dd get to dance by herself?

Great advice here. We all make parenting mistakes. Give yourself a hug and thanks it wasn’t worse and let it go.

we did baby swimming - it teaches them how to float!

Well you've had a terrible shock. I still remember the time my 9 month old son slipped out of my hands when I was bathing him and he did a full face down rotate under the water. I mean I was kneeling right there. I think the important thing is not to build it up to your son as a really important thing for fear of putting him off swimming entirely. You can privately deal with your trauma. Lessons are fine but it's extremely unlikely he will be swimming for his life as a toddler. My grandfather, who was a bit eccentric, forbade swimming lessons for all his many children on the theory that people who couldn't swim didn't take risks with water so were less likely to drown.

Yeah my DC were able to swim lengths when they were 3, completely standard. They were also confidently reading Shakespeare at the same age and now at the age 10 & 13 have both recently obtained their pilot licenses.

On a serious note, OP don’t beat yourself up or take the batshit comments seriously from people claiming you should have had a 3 year old in formal lessons by now. Absolute nonsense. I learned to swim as an adult and am still nervous around deep water so I enrolled mine in lessons aged 4 as I wanted them to feel confident in water. DS made steady progress and always enjoyed lessons but DD really struggled and was always the oldest in her stage group. (Ironic really as I took DD to baby aqua sessions from 6 months old but never had time to take DS).

So there are no guarantees, regardless of the age lessons start. I would take the advice to ditch the vests though.

Don’t beat yourself up. It happened you responded quickly and he’s fine. Looking into swimming lessons is a great shout so hopefully next year he will be more able.
we used a life vest when DS was little and never had a single issue it seemed safer than arm bands.

I have a three year old who has been in swimming ‘lessons’ since she was about six weeks old.

She is nowhere near being able to swim, even a tiny bit, independently!

It doesn’t sound too bad to me OP, although I sympathise with how you’re feeling about how scared your DS must have been. With the best will in the world you can’t watch them all the time, especially with more than one child!

Oh Bless you, @Lolarose999
What an awful shock you must have had. :-(

Is your 8yo not over the weight for the arm bands?
Get him to keep practicing his swimming, without them, it's the only way he'll become a stronger swimmer.

Sooner or later he's not going to want to be the big kid at the pool with arm bands.
Sorry to read about your husband, can't be easy x

OP try and remember that you put multiple things in place to keep DC safe and IT WORKED. Yes you looked around for a few seconds, yes, the life vest was not the best preserver you could have wanted, but you were in the water with him one-on-one, you didn't leave him to go speak with DH or anything, so when all the other things failed, your physical presence meant that you were where he needed you and you could act before any harm was done.

Life isn't about being perfect.

The difference between a swim vest and a life jacket is this: a life jacket is certified to keep its wearer's head above water, and a swim vest is not.

See below from a very helpful post from PleaseDon'tAsk
PleaseDontAsk · Yesterday 19:45

What happened to good old fashioned arm bands or a swim ring.
Those jackets aren't life jackets by the way - they are merely buoyancy aids.
A true life jacket has a collar around the neck, and it will always float you on your back with your head out of the water even if you are unconscious. That's the definition of a life jacket.It will keep you alive with your face out of the water even if you are unconscious.
Those toddler vests are just a false sense of security without actually being particularly safe.
Don't get me started about people putting them on dogs who can actually swim better than humans

Oh, OP! Don't beat yourself up - it can happen to all parents. We make decisions that we think & hope are the right ones all the time.
My 8yo DS can swim, but not well, so he wears arm bands as he loves jumping in to the pool and I'm not always able to grab him quickly as I'm not a strong swimmer. (My late DH encouraged DS's love of jumping in and he was a far better swimmer than I am so I didn't see the harm - he was also a good ft taller than me!) Anyway, on holiday last week, DS launched himself into the pool with his arms in the air and the armbands shot off! I have never seen my Dad move so fast as when he went to rescue DS! Needless to say, DS has been told to keep his arms down when he jumps and at least give us a warning that he's gonna be jumping in the pool!

Buoyancy aids are designed to help kids swim, that also means they can be on their front.

The Buoyancy vest did what it was meant to. Every child Buoyancy aid will tell you to only use under supervision.
I'm not a fan of rubber rings or arm bands, neither are any good for learning to swim and arm bands are so uncomfortable.

The only thing truly safe is your arms.

I mean, yes to most of those by the age of 9. Where I grew up, we were surrounded by lakes, rivers, and we had a school pool we would visit during the school day. We got lessons on first aid, water safety, and how to rescue someone from drowning (and what to do after). I didn't drive until 15 (unless you count riding lawn mowers)...but I did have a boaters license by the age of 13, and could legally drive any boat with a motor.

I have pictures, including one of baby me going thru a hula hoop underwater. The legs of other parents are visible in the picture. Yes, they ABSOLUTELY had swimming classes for babies in the 80s, and still do.

Step one, teach them to blow bubbles, two, get them to put their face in water. Three, kicking. Four, kicking with a paddle board. Five, kicking while paddling their arms. Somewhere during that, teach them to float, on their backs.