Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

Curious as to where you are?
Why are buoyancy aid vests banned but not arm bands?

Does that mean buoyancy aids are also banned for watersports?
Often they are preferred to lifevests because you can swim in them get back to your windsurf or whatever.

It only takes a second for something bad to happen especially in the water. Accidents happen, that doest make you a bad parent it makes you human. Its lucky that it wasn't worse.

That mum guilt is really hard to shake off, we mums have to be kinder to ourselves. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but you couldn’t have expected that to happen in those 15 seconds.
my DS is 3.5 years old and he has been going to swimming lessons since he was 6 weeks old. He uses armbands when we’re in a leisure pool on holiday so I can do swimming laps whilst he plays. I don’t worry because he is quite confident and knows to pedal and kick his legs and blow under water and reach for the sides of the pool to hold on. I think learning to swim is such a vital lesson all kids should have. Maybe this is your chance to sign him up for lessons for his safety and your peace of mind

That's great! That's not what I asked though. Do you think most 3-yr olds in the UK can swim?

As shocking and terrifying as it must have been, he is fine. You have learnt a valuable lesson to never take your eyes off him when in water.
At the baby swimming class I use to attend, we had to frequently dunk them under water and make them swim through hoops etc. My daughter because quite distressed by this despite the instructor insisting it was good for her.... The look in her eyes of 'why are you doing thia to me, you're supposed to be my safe person' was so awful for me as a mum, I just couldn't do it anymore. I stopped going and she's fine now.
You little boy will get over this I promise.

On a lighter note, I’m amazed no one has suggested you have a husband problem, or LTB for thinking you may have preferred a salad over chips 🤣

Mine certainly could

Oh how I feel your guilt, not water related but mine involved a very windy day, and a toddler in pushchair at the edge of the water, in Boscastle. My elder daughter was being walked to the headway with my DH I was calling out for him to hold her our girls hand tight, I literally took my hand off the buggy for a few seconds to wave both arms to get their attention, then I turned to see the buggy being wind propelled heading towards the edge of the rock filled water.. Time stood still, I have never moved so quickly in my life - My poor DH was stood with mouth agape, I think we were all in shock, I still question why I didn't put on the brakes.. 😔
Our girl's 23 now but I still shudder at the thought of what might have happened..
Thank goodness all was well for you too, it's a terrible lesson and probably one you won't ever forget..
But don't be too harsh on yourself, it can happen to the best of us.. ❤️

That sounds really traumatic for you and ds. I will echo what several other people said, those vests are not safe. You’re better off supporting your child in the water. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though! X

Oh you poor thing. He’s ok. It was a moment. He’s ok. I think most parents if they admit it have had a near miss at one point or other. When my son was 3 he took his vest off, stepped out of his ring and jumped into the deep end( to catch a float). Luckily I saw and got round the pool fast enough to scoop him out but it was very frightening. You were there, he is ok. Massive hug xxx

I can well imagine the kids who swim at 3 are those with access to private pools, who can be in the pool for 10-15 minutes, with a parents, every day or at least multiple times a week.

Its much more difficult to get kids swimming if they are only in a pool for 30mins a week and in a class with 6 or 7 other kids.

It is defo a stupid question, as surely the answer is always yes.

Only country where I’ve seen really small children able to swim confidently is Finland. I went to stay with a Finnish friend who has a house near a huge lake. Her DC (4 & 5) happily jumped in as did the other nearby
kids. My friend lived in England for many years so understood that my similarly aged DC were not able to swim so well and explained to her parents that children here start learning around 4/5 years old. I think they were a bit taken aback as it really is the norm for Finnish children to be able to swim very early. Her dad told me to “just chuck them in the water, that’s how I learned”😂

It's not the what to teach, it's the HOW to teach it. How do you teach someone to float? What do they need to do with their body to keep themselves afloat? That's what I found difficult.

Anyway, DD is a teen now and happily swims about under the water after a holiday with a pool and having no fear.

Some Australian children can swim like do fish but there are plenty who can’t because it is expensive. It’s a huge problem that only children from privileged backgrounds learn to swim that Australia has been tackling for decades and was highlighted when a boy called Jordan Rice died in the floods in Queensland.

According to the RLSA 60% of kids start lessons before age 3, but most have dropped out before age 7.
More than half of 10-year-olds and 40% of 15-year-olds can’t swim 50 metres, and most of those may never swim, placing them at life-long elevated risk of drowning.

It’s great that your children did lots of swimming growing up but the OP was in a pool and her boy is three so is growing up right now.

Arm bands aren't really any different. Both will say on them only to be used under supervision.

People aren't understanding the difference between a buoyancy aid and a lifevest.

This poster posts a LOT and often has interesting predicaments. I have noticed because her name is my favourite Quality street.

lessons are recommended at 4 in UK
if not 7

British children are just coddled and parents won't invest the time and money in saving their lives. All Dutch children can swim 15m in clothes before they're 5 and parents are rightly considered neglectful if they've not sent them to lessons.

Those vests are banned where I live because they're so dangerous. Get him arm bands.

Oh poor you OP. My absolute parenting low point was when my youngest was a similar age and we're were at a fun pool in Guildford and she was playing in super shallow water but there was a tiny slope next to this area down to a slightly deeper bit. I was sitting at the bottom of that talking to my friend and took my eyes off her for a moment and when I looked back she was floating face down in the water. There was a lady right next to her so I know it must have been seconds at most but I just knew she wouldn't have got out of that alone.

I am quite a pragmatic person but it haunted me for a while.

It's tough being a parent I personally think avoiding near misses all together is impossible.

Swimming is absolutely a life skill, and just like a lot of life skills children learn them at different times and to different levels of competency, for want of a better word.

It really isn’t a race. Reading is a life skill but the horror when four year olds are ‘pushed’ into it on here compared to lovely Scandinavia where they ‘don’t start school until they are seven’ is notable. Cooking is a life skill, so are self care skills and driving but we don’t have three year olds do those for sensible reasons.

There is no way to force a child to learn to swim. By all means give them lessons and encourage them but it isn’t a parenting failure if they can’t (fgs!)

I think if most Australian 3-yr olds can manage 15m alone, then they are different to most UK 3-yr olds (as is clear from this thread).

Was it actually marketed as a 'life' vest