Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

OP i do hope you are feeling better today. I totally understand how you must have been feeling, these type of learning opportunities can be very frightening. Why not take the time whilst on holiday to teach your DS how to float on his back, how to calm his breathing and just float.

When my DS was 5 and my DD was 4 we went on holiday and i took them for an early morning walk around the pools, to understand the layout etc. DS asked if he could go in the children's pool, I agreed, saw no issue in it.
He slipped on the bottom and was under water panicking, splashing about, really very frightening. I jumped in, fully dressed, and soon had him floating on his back. At which point the conversation went something like, When you go swimming, which end of the pool do you get in at? The deep end mum. How many swimming certificates have you got on your bedroom wall? 5! said very proudly! So you know how to float on your back? Yes; So why are you panicking in a pool that only comes up to just over your waist? and you could probably sit on the bottom off? The first rule to remember when you fall in a pool is that you know how to float, then when your a bit calmer you'll remember that you can swim!! "Oh YEAH"
I share this, because for the rest of the holiday i watched them both like hawks. He did spend a lot of time just floating on his back, and helping his sister to do the same. DS is now 30 and really doesn't remember much about that holiday at all! Your story brought back that panic feeling i had at the time.
Good luck with the swimming lessons, they will definitely help, but sometimes they forget!!

I used to drive myself mad when stuff happened to my kids like that, I went to wipe water off my glasses and my son fell under the bath water and although I got him straight out he was freaked out. It's natural to beat yourself up. Your son is ok that's the important thing to think.

I have seen in the US as pools in gardens are more common they have lessons for very small babies & teach them how to float & save themselves. I live opposite a prep school they have a company which is open to the public with baby child swimming lessons well attended.

OP, another person here to say try not to beat yourself up, most of us have had a horrible “what if” moment (I certainly have) and I can say the ghastly feeling does lessen with time X

Read the room

Our local authority pool offered lessons but these were expensive, at inconvenient times and had a long waiting list.

Then we discovered the same pool was booked every Saturday and Sunday morning from 8am to 10am by a local swimming club. It was non-competitve, focused on technique and fun games and had classes for age 5 to 18. My children all attended from 5 to around 13 years and though they're adults now, they can still power up and and down a pool very confidently in every stroke.

We always booked the 8am classes and got the swimming done and out of the way before it clashed with any other activities. It just became part of the family routine for a decade or so, which is quite amazing looking back.....!

Might it be worth checking in case your local area has anything similar?

Genuinely no idea how to answer that

No, she isn’t

I just want to say after scrolling through the first page: both my kids were in swimming lessons from when they were toddlers, and in my admittedly anecdotal experience, it is not true that "most 3-year-olds" can swim or indeed float. However, swimming lessons are still a fine idea.

Absolutely stop beating yourself up, book some lessons when you get back at your local pool. I took both mine as babies from a few months old and they get them to be used to being submerged. If your DC hasn’t had his head under the water before then he has panicked but it’s easily fixed and you’ve learnt a valuable lesson that the life jacket is clearly not safe. Everything is fine and you need to try and enjoy the rest of your holiday x

When I was three, my parents didn’t realise I’d gotten out of bed one evening and followed my dad out to the pool (grew up in a hot country) where he was sorting out the chlorine for the night. Our Rottweiler started going absolutely ballistic and wouldn’t stop barking. When my dad came back out from the area behind a wall where he stored the chemicals, he found me at the bottom of the pool.
The gate to the pool was always locked and I was pool-safe when supervised, but clearly not when in pyjamas in the middle of the night…
They were obviously both completely traumatised and wracked with guilt, and they became even more vigilant about the pool (although I don’t blame my dad for not realising I had followed him when they thought I was fast asleep!)
It was an incredibly lucky outcome thanks to a pretty heroic dog who always treated me like her own puppy, but the main thing is that I don’t remember it at all. We obviously need to be conscious of not exposing our kids to unnecessary trauma, but something like this often stays with us far longer than it stays with our kids. Especially if they get a chance to experience the activity in a positive way as soon as possible after x

You were exactly where you were supposed to be, just two arms’ length away and so you were easily able to rescue him. Well done you for being so on it. Horrible shock though!! Don’t let it ruin your holiday ❤️

Don’t be hard on yourself we all just do our best. My son choked very badly once on a sweet I gave him - still feel guilty - he also jumped into a pool without armbands or life jacket ( could not swim) - never moved so fast when we saw what had happened. All was well - he does not remember either event - although of course I do!! - he is now 37 !!
your son is completely fine and that’s all that matters … so hard being a mum sometimes 🩷

Dont beat yourself up. Hes okay and you wont make the same mistake twice xx

Did that make you feel better?

Good for you and them.........

So did I!!

I doubt he will remember...but he might remember you being upset about something if you dont keep it from him. My son got into difficulty at an older age on a holiday in Spain in the pool. He could just about swim but panicked in the deep end. I jumped in fully clothed and scooped him out. All he remembers is I jumped in and 'saved' him. You really need to try to let it go and get a different inflatable vest.

only Words of comfort Op, it’s done now. I know you must feel awful but please try to move past it. He is ok and you are not a bad parent.

I'd try to get him into regular weekly lessons. And if you can do a family swim once a month.

But I appreciate juggling that on your own isnt easy.

When you said accident, I thought you mean't poo!

He quite possibly is, but he's also quite skinny & short, so even if he could swim well, a lot of the pools were quite deep, he couldn't have stood up, my very tall 10yo could only just in some of the pools. (For context I'm 5ft 1in and she's almost as tall as me) It helped him feel a little independent. I must stress, at all times either my Dad or I were in the pool with him, but it did mean I was able to relax a little - well, as much as any parents can when kids and water are concerned.
We are looking into an intensive swimming course ahead of next summer to help his strength and confidence with his swimming as well as hoping to encourage stamina with other sports too.

It was an accident OP. I still remember the first time we took DS on holiday. We went down to the beach, walked over the sand dunes then DS saw the sea and took off like a rocket. His clothes were flying off and he charged straight into the sea completely naked. Both me and ex-DH were totally caught off guard and wasted valuable seconds staring at each other in confusion.

I also remember being at the beach with my parents. My dad would wade out to knee level in the sea with a dingy then tie it to a stake in the sand so we could play in it without being out of our depth in the water. But one day he forgot to tie it up. I floated out quite far in the water then jumped out as usual expecting the sea to come up to my waist. I went straight under, totally lost my bearings and couldn’t work out how to get back to the beach.

Fortunately a swimmer grabbed me and dragged me back in. My parents hadn’t even noticed!