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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling awful about son's accident in the pool

285 replies

Lolarose999 · 24/08/2026 18:24

We're on holiday at the moment.. Me, DH, and DS3.

I've never panicked so much and the guilt is killing me.

I was sat in the baby pool with DS, who had a zip up life vest on.. we were playing catch, when I heard DH shout from the pool side bar asking me what side I wanted with my lunch. I turned my head to the side to shout over my response, so didnt leave the pool..This interaction was 10-15 seconds tops.

When i turned back around, DS was on his back, the vest had lifted his chest and legs upwards, but his head was under the water. From seeing and getting him out, I was maybe 2 arms lengths away, and had him up so quick.

I feel so awful, the guilt is eating away at me. He was absolutely hysterical. Hes been checked over by the life guard and also by the hotel doctor, and is thankfully fine. But its the image in my mind that's sticking with me, the fear. The thought of seeing him with such panic. I keep crying thinking how its all my fault, how scared he must have been.

Not an aibu, but just feel so incredibly guilty and hoping he forgets this happened, even if it sticks with me for a long time.

OP posts:
Covidwoes · 24/08/2026 18:43

Does he have swimming lessons OP? Both my DDs could swim at least 5m at 3, and also knew how to float if in trouble. Best money we have ever spent. When they were really little, we used armbands in the pool.

Greengagesnfennel · 24/08/2026 18:42

Those life vests are really dangerous.
i agree with others - ditch it. They also give your ds a false sense of security. My DN had one and jumped in the pool forgetting he hadn’t put it on one time. He was so used to confidently jumping in and floating. I had to jump in and get him. The fear. It was so scary. Children can learn to float on their backs as a safety move from a very very young age and it is a skill that could save them.

Original poster
Lolarose999 · 24/08/2026 18:36

It did give me a false sense of security, youre right. I made sure to get a semi expensive well known brand and I thought I was doing the right thing in having it. Looking back at it, it almost pushed his head down further as it pulled his chest up with his head weighed down.

Ds seems ok, were now at the apartment eating pizza and watching his favourite spiderman

OP posts:
ToffeePennie · 24/08/2026 18:35

Ditch the life vest. Teach him to float, self correct and to not panic. He’s 3, why hasn’t he been in swimming lessons yet? My children are 12 and 8, they have been in formal lessons since I stopped bleeding after birth and currently DS12 swims for the county and DS8 has completed his lifesaving training (as of Wednesday).

Simonjt · 24/08/2026 18:32

This is why you should only use life vests that also securely fix between the legs. He’s fine, it will impact you more than him, theres no need to beat yourself up about it.

OhHobnobs · 24/08/2026 18:32

Ditch the life vest. Teach him to float. 3 year olds are very resilient! Don't let it put you off getting back in the water with him, the sooner the better for you both. ❤️

Blimms · 24/08/2026 18:32

It’s a bad design. Although, I guessed you’ve now learned the lesson that it’s not safe to take your eyes off your child when in the pool.

QuirkyHorse · 24/08/2026 18:30

Lesson learnt, do not take your eyes off him if he is in the water and you haven't got hold of him.

The life vest has given you a false sense of security.
Don't beat yourself up, he won't be the first child to end up with his head beneath the water when he didn't expect it. Hopefully he'll be young enough not to remember and keep reminding you when he is older!

DelphiniumBlue · 24/08/2026 18:28

Jeez, that's a shockingly bad design fault on the vest! You must have had such a shock, I can't see how you could have anticipated that, especially when you were so close. Thank goodness he's OK.

birdling · 24/08/2026 18:27

Evidently those life vests are not safe. I think I read something earlier this year about them being dangerous.
I know it is hard to get those images out of your head. All you can do is remind yourself that he is ok and that it will never have the chance to happen again.