AIBU to want more thought than just books and a card?

Ah, at least you like books.. But yes, something a bit more imaginative would be nice.

Not too imaginative I hope. I once received an Elvis white jumpsuit, a couple sizes too small (even if I ever (never) would wear a jumpsuit, complete with stains. I have no idea where that came from, bless him.

Sometimes books are good!

Ha ha, so he buys his own presents? This did make me laugh!

You mean ‘some men’…
mine is an excellent present buyer, especially for me. Much better than I am at choosing things for him.
At the end of the day you do have to decide how much it matters to you. Is it symptomatic of a wider issue that shows he doesn’t care much or is it his one weakness that you just have to live with - we all have them.

Have you discussed it with him?

My dh always say ‘what do you want ?’ I come from a family whereby the buyer decides on a (hopefully) thoughtful gift, not just chooses something of a shopping list. I’ve given up now, and usually buy myself some theatre tickets, or shoes , and ask him to buy me a bunch of flowers. At least the. He actually has to go and choose something, and use his imagination.

Have a word with dh. He may assume you like to receive a book.

Men just don’t put in the effort or thought like we do. I just tell him what I want and buy it myself. I still dislike doing it that way but at least I get what I want. A thoughtful surprise that shows he listens and takes an interest every once in a while would be nice though.

A romantic message in a card is lovely (I have friend whose partners literally write ‘to x’ ‘from x’ in their cards.

But books every time in a bit thoughtless and unromantic.

My lovely husband really goes to loads of effort to give me lovely gifts. He sweats over it. Quite rightly.

He's going for the safe option every year, he doesn't want to risk branching out and buying something that might not be ideal.
Next time, about a month before your birthday, have a chat with him and say you fancy a change of present. Then give him a clear list of four or five items you'd be happy to receive instead.

What do you buy him?

A lovely message in a card sounds perfect. And a book is my favourite gift.

(this year from my partner I got nothing not even a card.)

if you would like something else try a few hints or write a list.

Books and a card are what I love. Well, actually, a card and money so I can buy my own books.

I'd tell him explicitly what you want.

Yes. You do need to combine with a strict budget 😂

Tell your husband exactly what you want.

I do. I don't care about cards.

Have you actually told him this? I agree that it's crap to give the same thing every year, but if he, as you say, isn't great at figuring out what to you, I think there's nothing wrong with pushing him in the right direction. Maybe don't say anything now, but a couple of months before your next birthday, actually tell him, "are we doing birthday gifts this year? Because if we are, I have a wishlist for a change. It'd make me really happy to receive something from it, and they are all things I could really use". Then give him a list.

My husband just looks at my Pinterest profile to find inspiration, but that only works if you actively use your account.

He is a man. What do you expect? Stop moaning!

Provided the books are ones you’ll read and not random shite he’s finding in Waterstones then I think it is thoughtful actually. You’re a reader, he’s thinking of you when buying them.

Assuming he is buying you books he thinks you will enjoy, rather than picking whatever is today’s bestseller regardless of genre or topic, YABU.

Add a thoughtful message in the card and YABVU!

Lots of women would love a partner who did that rather than spend their budget on random jewellery and a generic “Happy Birthday,
love DH”

Is your money shared, or do you keep separate accounts? Could you not suggest you choose something for yourself paid for out of the joint account as a birthday present from him?

I think you need to tell him what you would like. Or send him a selection of ideas. Otherwise you will be disappointed.

Sometimes even that doesn't work. My Ex simply checked all the suggestions online and bought the cheapest one. It didn't occur to him to think what would give most pleasure.

We did this one year but for Christmas we agreed to send a selection of ideas and we would choose one. I stuck to it but my DH bought me everything on my list! I was so embarrassed opening all the gifts Xmas morning when I bought him just the one!

One idea I used to do with dh is send him a selection of acceptable options that he'd buy one from eg 3 handbags and then I'd have an element of surprise!

My darling late father always used to compose a little sonnet for Ma, every year (and he’d arrange an evening jaunt along the coast to some favourite restaurant too when they were older and free of us)
Ma was incredibly hard to buy for (middle name Anne Hedonier), so something very personal from Pa was just the ticket, though it involved no shopping.

(But shop he could. He always bought me the perfect, unexpected book/LP at Christmas)

I’d value a loving message in a card more than a gift tbh. You’re a reader and he’s buying you books knowing you enjoy them. YABU

I’d love to get books as a present- I don’t think it’s unimaginative but if you do just tell him no books!

ps sorry but I have to say that if he writes a lovely thing in a card it’s lovely- you’re definitely going to have to give him hints because so many people I know would swoon over what you don’t like!!!!!

DH and I (together over 50 years) have stopped buying each other presents. He has many redeeming qualities but thoughtful present buying isn’t one of them sadly. I prefer not to get a present than to be frustrated every time by feeling that he actually doesn’t know me at all.