Family holiday - fed up already and not even got there yet!

Sorry but your DH is a total shit. 'Its a control thing' is an understatement.
And for the love of god why do grown women pack suitcases for grown men?
Never in my life packed for my DH.

I can't imagine doing a half day before travelling abroad. That would max the stress

Seriously wtf is this? Why is ordering food that’s the opposite of what your 5 yr old wants. The rest sounds like he’s a miserable arse but this goes beyond that.

What does he actually bring to the marriage OP? He sounds dreadful!

Sorry OP, I know this doesn't help you at all but

I REALLY DON'T MISS THIS!

I used to travel with my 2 then primary aged children all over the world for up to a month in the summer holidays. Their dad used to stay at home, or would join us for up to a fortnight.

Travelling without him were some of our family best times, without his grumping and indecision and faff and selfishness. They got to say what they wanted in their holidays and if it was a day at the water park, it was a day at the water park.

Travelling to/from airport was a breeze. Packing was a breeze. Organising was a breeze.

My advice to you is to leave him at home next time. Leave him faffing with HIVE as much as he wants to.

I'm afraid this would be my last trip with him. Why are you packing his case for him and allowing him to speak to you like this? You don't need to answer that but it may be good to use some time to think about that.

If your daughter's boyfriend spoke to her like this would you suggest she just goes on as normal? Never accept for yourself what you'd not accept for your dc and/or be aghast if your dc treated their partner that way.

I'd let dh know any more nonsense and he will be needing new accommodation on the trip.

By packing for him you are enabling his manchild-ness. im married 13 years. We go away a lot with 3 children, and he travels with work. I have never ever packed for him. He’s a grown man.

So he ordered your five year old a meal that they didn't like on purpose after they had said what they wanted? Is he just being stupid or is he being actively mean and horrible to his child?

He sounds like a truly awful husband and father and, when you return from holiday, you should probably make plans to split up. He brings nothing positive to your life but behaves like a massive dickhead.

When he said you had done nothing, did you list all the numerous things you had managed to get done alongside working a half day? When he had only done two things? What did he say?

Is he usually like this? Or is it just when travelling? If this is his normal MO then I cannot for the life of me understand why you are with him. He sounds absolutely awful.

As an aside, I have never packed for DH but he always talks his packing through with me as if expecting my input. It used to really annoy me - why on earth did I pack for myself and the kids and organise the dog and then have to help him too? However, I realised (having listened to a talk) that it was part of how he processes - nowt to do with me and he didnt really need my help/input. It has transformed the run up to holidays for me.

LTB. Not joking!

Sad - but true😔

This @Stressedmumma88

Genuine question: why are you allowing him to treat you and your kids this way?

I’d be saying to him, if he isn’t happy on the holiday with your to FO home and leave you and the kids to enjoy yourselves.

You’re not helpless and you have agency. Try to act like it, if not for yourself, do it for your DS.

I’m astounded at how many men don’t pack for themselves, I’d never pack for my hubby, he’s not a child (ok sometimes). He’s worked away ever since I’ve known him, he has it down to a T. Some men are still little boys, I don’t blame you for taking the kids on your own previously, so much less stress. It’s like having another child to deal with 🤷‍♀️

But this man has done nothing but to help with preparations. You’re practically excusing this man’s bullying behaviour. Imagine asking a child (or anyone) what they’d like for dinner and then ordering something else.

A glass of wine isn’t going to solve this.

Or put him off at the next stop and going with the kids

Ideally you should have both taken the morning off work. Saying you've wfh and organised the cases etc doesn't give credulence to your role. Hey I wfh so can do all the arrangements, but DP doesn't so can't do these things.

Sure you will have, but getting everything ready prior and on the day last minute stuff is quick and easy to do.

Preparing for holidays is stressful, me and DH know this and whatever we say during this time we draw a line and move on to enjoy it. 😉

@Sunbeds- I agree going on holiday can be blooming stressful all round for a million reasons but no adult should be behaving like this towards the other adult/kids however stressful it is.
It's a trip ffs the house is not on fire/noone died!
The bar is set so low for men.
He shouldn't have this amount of power and I think he sounds like an abusive dick. Only the OP knows how often this happens and how much she will tolerate.

i hope you can rescue something out of this mess even if you decide not to go away together ever again. You’ve paid for it so try to salvage something. You’ve taken time off work, packed and you’re on your way. That’s still the busy part of any holiday. No one enjoys that part! EES only adds to the stress too.
wait it out as calmly as you can until you arrive at your holiday destination, then things will calm down. You will sink a few glasses of wine, unpack and relax! Things will improve.
If you do the whole holiday and still feel the same, then that’s a reason to review things going forward for next year.
But sometimes the MN crowd don’t help to smooth things over. Kick him out! Divorce him! Really? Can’t we empathise with the stress of getting on holiday?

@Lemondressese- yes it does sound like abuse.
Horrible little man

Never pack a man's suitcase!
It's not the 1950's.
Like you said you can't do anything right. Talk to him *away from the kids and tell him how his behaviour is affecting you all.
Agree to both get on/be nice around the kids .
Also agree to come up with a plan when you get home so he can't put you in this position again. Sounds like u can do much better OP. Good luck xxxxx

Poor children.
Why are you tolerating this?
He is a nasty bully who is grinding you down.
This is abuse.

Think about how much better your life will be without him. You’ve already said going away with the kids is so much easier without him! Now imagine every day like that. Fantastic.

Ordering the wrong thing for your kid deliberately is such a dick move. Such a ‘I’m bigger than you so I’ll do what I want and you have to suck it up.’ Bin bin bin.

Make this the last holiday with him. Also, tell him that you’ve packed the last suitcase ever for him, he can do his own packing and unpacking going forward.

To make this holiday bearable, I’d ignore him as much as you can and get out and about with your children yourself. Tell him once quite clearly that you’ve had enough of his bad mood and nastiness and he’s free to go back home and you will not be engaging with him when he’s being a bully going forward.