Family holiday - fed up already and not even got there yet!

Does he think little fairies came and packed all the bags and sorted the pets etc ? I'd of deliberately left his stuff unpacked . He sounds like a right prick tbh

I packed my husbands case once, he did ask me too as he was running late. I forgot to pack something and he moaned when we got to our destination and saw I’d forgotten said item.

Never packed for him since

I don't get why so many of you are focusing on the dos and don'ts of holidays when the clear wider issue is how this many treats OP in general.

OP, it sounds like you need to think about what sort of future you want with this man, if you want one with him, and what impact this is having on your children.

Response 1: show him this thread, be honest with him and tell him that he's killing the buzz, starting the holiday off on a sour note and you'll be holidaying separately in the future.

Response 2: let him moan but rise above. You know what you've done. Focus on the lovely holiday you're going to have despite the grumpy stupid man. Play a game with the kids and ignore him until he cheers the fuck up.

Your husband is inadequate and suffers from low self-esteem. But rather than working to improve it, he’d rather knock yours. Don’t be fooled by his behaviour. Know your worth and what you are capable of. Your husband knows your value, he just doesn’t want you to know it. It makes you easier to control. He's simply a bully.

I think he is scared shitless that if you do have to support your colleague, even for an hour , then that will be an hour where he will have to (shudder) parent his own children.

Next time leave him behind - you and your DC will then have a fab holiday.

If you do go away again together then leave his case to him - if that means he has no packed case when it’s time to go his tough luck

I would be wanting to list everything the 2 of you had done for the holiday and give it to him for his defence of why you are in his words ”lazy”

Please enlighten us as to why he is a DH the rest of the time ?

I was going to ask the same thing. Why are men such whiney assholes.

Why would he need to be told to pack his own suitcase Can't he not just do it while the OP is doing hers and the DCs?

Don't unpack his suitcase, tell him when you leave he has to pack his own. Make the most of the holiday for now. Encourage your children to order for themselves in restaurants - they enjoy it and its good for them (and avoids dickhead dadness). Go off on your own for a day while on holiday - go to the spa or pretend you are. When you get back from holiday get all this out in the open and then see where you want to go with it. This sounds like tip of the iceberg. If its the straw that broke the camel's back so be it.

Why are so many men such arseholes about going on holiday? Is it simply because it's not entirely centred on what they'd prefer to do with their time?

He sounds like a complete and utter dick.

Why are you with him if you are completely fed up and feel you can't go anything right?

I sort of disagree about making a list. This is not because it would make the point, but to OPs partner it would seem petty. I think for proper change to happen OP has to draw her own line in the sand and change how she responds.

Things like the night before you say OK tomorrow we leave at 10:30 we can pack our own day bags but the kids need help. I will dress them and you sort the bags today and tomorrow we can do it the other way around. Just breezy and firm. Reception teacher vibe.

Another approach when you come back - “do you want to clear out the day bags or shower the children?”. Giving choices is something I always do with the neurodiverse children I work with. DP should cope.

Enjoy your trip @Stressedmumma88 Only you can decide if you want to work on not being a stressed mumma.

To be honest, I felt my stress levels rising by purely reading your post. Would have made much more sense to have both finished work Friday, get organised over the weekend and have a relaxed start to the holiday. My DH would have been annoyed if I took my laptop on holiday in case I needed it for work and vice versa.

Tell him to go home.

And for gods sake stop being a martyr!

It's not just heating. It's a brand name for a home automation system. A lot of people just use it as a thermostat but it can also turn lights on and off to make the house look occupied, and be connected to cameras and motion sensors to act as an alarm system. It's all app controlled so provided the relevant tech is plugged in he can do all the faffing from anywhere at any time, no need to do it all just before leaving the house.

OP, the more you say the worse he sounds. Lazy, critical, nasty to you, worse to his children. Is this what you want from life? Is this the life you want - and example you want to set - for your children?

The suitcase thing for sure can be a “never again “ problem @Stressedmumma88

Dont unpack anything when you arrive. Don’t pack before you leave. Just grey rock his suitcase.

He doesnt like you. And we minimise shit like this and say its frustration etc, but fundamentally if I like someone, im not calling them lazy when they've done what sounds like most of the grunt work, because id be so grateful they'd done it, and I wouldnt be needling them when we're all about to go on holidays because no matter how frustrated I am, I would want them to have a nice time! If he's got an issue he could bring it up a more appropriate time given its not urgent, so he's just choosing to be a dick. And presumably in front of his children too.

Why did he order something else for your child - why didn’t you say no that’s not what he wanted and correct it?

Why would any one complain about water bottles? We forgot ours on a holiday once and had to go rebuy some was so annoying!

10 seconds..it’s quicker without Hive then …I push a button on the wall…done 1 second. Suggest dumping Hive. then next time he’ll have more time to carry bags.

I wondered what Hive was too..looked it up. Why do people assume everyone knows what they’re talking about? Why can’t you just say heating ?

Dump him too…nothing worse than a stroppy , moody Tosser going on holiday. Like having another child along. Why do people let them away with it? I’d be refusing to go on holiday with him again…well, I did. And our married days numbered because it’s usually happening other times too . Its a symptom of the disease that spreads

Oh thanks so much @Ilovemyfam. That’s very thoughtful of you. Obviously these things are more in my mind because of the divorce. I also get infuriated by some of these men that treat their partners like support animals. That’s why I post on MN as I didn’t have anyone to support me at the time when I was first going through it otherwise I might have left earlier. I either knew people who were in happy relationships or other people who had settled and decided you just had to put up with it.

If just one person decides to end it with a no hoper or notices the pattern early in the relationship and saves themselves years of heartache then it’s worth me and others sharing our stories. It’s wild how similar the patterns of behaviour are so reading other people’s stories is hopefully validating!

Incidentally in case anyone thinks I am bitter, I’m not. I think positive, respectful relationships are absolutely wonderful and I am over the moon for those people who have loving relationships with their partners. There are many wonderful men who are loving, caring partners and dads.

Why are you with this man ?

@DiscoElysia, absolutely this! He is your DH. If he is an abuser, that is another matter but if this is your DH being a bit of an idiot, out of order, insensitive or lacking in self awareness, then have a very frank conversation with them, it may result in a row, but if both parties love and respect each other and genuinely want the relationship to work, both must make the effort and take responsibility.

If we can’t call these men out on their behaviour and make them understand that it is not acceptable and will not be tolerated then we become victims.

And yes I do know that some people have truama, issues with self esteem and are victims of DA. This is very sad and true.
But surely exercising agency is the aim of all of us for our peace of mind and well being.

If we cannot reach a state in our relationships where we both contribute, respect each other and are willing and able to do the hard work, then really we should seriously com why we are in these relationships. Life really is to short!