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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to lie about my holiday plans?

136 replies

whirlingswirlingsaucepan · 24/08/2026 14:47

"Any plans for the holidays?" Is allegedly just an innocent, small talk question when conversation dries. In reality it isn't innocent and I really dislike the question.

We are fairly well off (I did not grow up wealthy). And enjoy travelling to far flung locations as a family. Always have. Whether on a budget when younger, or to nicer hotels now we have abit more cash. Somehow, most people around me, both rich and not-so-rich prefer to/can only afford to holiday in nearby/familiar locations (as another recent post has suggested).

As a result, my holidays gather undue interest. People get jealous or judgy. ("Oh, those awful rich kids that travel to South Africa for their holidays", as my teacher-friend once said about wealthy kids in her class). My holidays get talked about (People I never mentioned my holiday to ask how my holiday to so and so was). When asked my plans, I'd honestly rather just say "mostly going about town, maybe Brighton for a long weekend".

I do answer this at work, very successfully. Its nobody's business. Once I did mention to my boss that we were going somewhere nice, and he had this self-pity thing about only being able to afford to go to Dorset. Never again. In reality, SOME people are abit dishonest, and can afford more exotic locations, but choose not to prioritise them. Which is fine, but why the self-pity? (obviously most people can't afford expensive holidays)

The problem at home is: a) My husband is incredibly honest, and doesn't care what people think, so tells our plans exactly when asked. b) My 6 year old mentions our holidays to his classmates, (he enjoys the attention that he gets from teachers, other parents "ooooh, that's niiice"). c) I feel dishonest if I answer "Not much really", only for my child's friend to say "I thought you were going to Malaysia?".

Am I being unreasonable to want to lie about where I go on holiday? My holiday destination is for me and my family. Why is it such a common question to be asked (and judged) by people at work / I barely chat to at the school gate? Also by friends, who then get jealous.

YANBU unreasonable: "Lie away". Also suggestions please on how to overcome stated husband/child disclosure difficulties.

YABU: Please do tell me why it's unreasonable, and what I should do instead?

OP posts:
Bjorkdidit · 24/08/2026 16:37

People are mostly just making conversation and if they appear judgy, it often says more about them than you. Such as the person 'who can only afford to go to Dorset' likewise Devon/Cornwall, are often spending a lot more on a holiday than people who go to the Med, or far flung places that cost a bit more to get to but are very affordable once you're there.

I'm quite open about the fact that I go to Spain a lot because I like the weather and want to swim in the warm sea and the castles, cathedrals, museums etc are usually a lot cheaper than the UK (eg it cost us 8 euro to go in Girona cathedral, which is more impressive than York Minster which costs £25 Shock). I would go to Cornwall or Scotland but I don't want to spend a lot of money for the weather to be crap and the sea freezing and Eden project £31 vs Malaga Botanical Gardens 5 euro. I can't afford to holiday in the UK.

pinkspeakers · 24/08/2026 16:35

I think you are over thinking this. Lying is awkward - you then have to maintain the lie, keep it consistent with what the rest of your family are saying. You are going to look silly/weird if you are found out. As long as you only answer the question simply when asked rather than going on about it, and acknowledge that you are lucky, and are not dismissive of other people's holidays, nobody decent should make you feel bad about your holidays.

The only exception I might make would be if there is some particular individual who you know is going to be really unpleasant about it. But then, who cares what then think? And you'd be best off just trying to avoid having anything to do with them at all.

Firefly100 · 24/08/2026 16:32

I wouldn’t lie - I’d evade. Eg ‘going for a beach holiday this year’. Or ‘Fed up of beach holidays
so booked a cabin in the countryside. Or ‘still finalising the details’ (always true). Then follow up immediately asking them the same question to deflect.

InheritNowt · 24/08/2026 16:21

Probably a beach holiday
Last minute booking
Leave booked, no details yet but it will definitely involve a theme park/ snorkeling/museums
Evade, or flip it, say we won't to go snorkeling can you recommend anywhere and let them talk about themselves

PinkKimonos · 24/08/2026 16:03

I think you’re assuming your plans are of far more interest to other people than they are. The teacher friend wasn’t even talking about you, the people you didn’t mention your holiday plans to but who asked how it had been don’t appear to have said anything negative, and inflating one self-pitying conversation with your boss into a reason to pretend to be going to Brighton rather than Malaysia is quite mad, I think.

If people are unduly focusing on your holidays as you seem to think, it’s probably because they’re amused by you claiming you’re having a weekend in a Brighton caravan while your child and DH are vocally looking forward to Malaysia.

FrenchandSaunders · 24/08/2026 15:51

I get it OP. Now DH and I are working less and the DDs have flown the next we're having several holidays a year and there are lots of comments about it! From friends, neighbours, colleagues! "Oooh you off again, never in the country ...."

Gerwurtztraminer · 24/08/2026 15:44

I'd say the country if a vaguer answer doesn't work then change the subject.

I've been to a few unusual places and taken longer trips and have had people comment about cost , I just say it depends on different priorities for spending. For example I don't own a car so that already saves a lot of money. Only one person has ever said anything in a really nasty way and I just ignored it and didn't comment back. If I get asked about the holiday afterwards I say one fairly neutral thing that stood out e.g. great food or fascinating wildlife, then move on.

Frankly I don't really care what other people think about my life choices and it sounds like your husband doesn't either. I also didn't grow up wealthy and didn't actually go abroad until I was 30 so I've not had a privileged upbringing. I'm just just glad and grateful I can do things now.

Just own it, be polite and don't say too much, as that can be taken as bragging.

StressedOutPeanut · 24/08/2026 15:23

As a kid I went all over the world to some very expensive places.
I knew my friends parents couldn't afford hoildays let alone places like that so I lied to save grace. Said we went to butlins or haven when in reality we had gone to Kenya or Maldives.
So I get where your coming from.

Softcream · 24/08/2026 14:56

I understand how you feel OP - for similar reasons I tend to avoid telling my colleagues about my holiday plans. But at home I don't think there's a solution to this. It's not reasonable for you to expect your husband and son to lie about this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/08/2026 14:56

Style it out. We going to far-flung, very obscure places and it's our 'thing'. So people judge? So what?

I will have been to more than 50 countries by the end of this year. But I don't buy clothes, never get my nails done, don't have a cleaner, all the MN essentials LOL. I spend all my spare money on travel.

AbzMoz · 24/08/2026 14:53

I’d simply state ‘we are going to malaysia - I’ve heard good things about the street food and dc wants to try snorkelling. We’re loooiijg forward to it!’
It’s not flashy to state the facts. It would be flashy to be going on about how you couldn’t possibly fly anything less than business class or stay in anything other than 5*.