AIBU to lie about my holiday plans?

Tell them and be honest without bragging or going OTT with lots of detail. Lying is faintly patronising. I am sure most people can handle
it.

I dont think people actually care about where you go on holiday, its just chat! I am one of those people who could afford far flung but prefer not to and tend to stick to Europe mostly. I have a close friend who travels all over to weird and wonderful places and I always ask her where shes going/ how her holiday was but dont really pay a huge amount of attention and am certainly not judgy or jealous! Just tell the truth and if someone says 'ooooo, get you' then its highly unlikely that they are jealous, its just what people say!!

No matter what you think people don’t actually give a fuck where you’re going apart from a moment of possibly thinking that sounds nice.

God, I’m going to stop talking to people altogether soon. The list (according to people on mumsnet) of things I’m not allowed to ask or talk about without inadvertently pissing someone off is growing by the day.
” where you off on holiday” is the definition of polite small talk. Get over yourself. Nobody else cares that much.

No, absolutely don’t lie.

Just answer “Malaysia” and leave it at that.

I have a friend who responds “You’re ALWAYS travelling!” in a slightly judgy, self-pitying way. It used to make me uncomfortable but I’ve learned to just smile and move the conversation on.

I’m going to entirely prove your point when I say that this post sounds suspiciously like a stealth brag……🤨

Im only joking. Seriously just tell the truth. It’s not bragging or boasting to just answer a question that someone asks you. It’s not like you’re going around announcing it to the world unprompted. If they feel jealous then that’s their issue, not yours, they did ask!

I do get it. I didn’t have much growing up and I do sometimes feel embarrassed to be seen as ‘showing off’ if we splurge on something. We had our garden landscaped a few years ago and I was strangely shy about inviting my family over. Similarly I don’t tend to want to announce if we get a new car or book an expensive holiday or do some decorating. It’s this weirdly ingrained fear of being seen as boastful.

YABU in the sense that you should be yourself and not have to worry about other people’s jealousy.
They are being rude by making you feel bad. A normal response is to express interest in the location etc not to make you feel bad. They asked about a holiday so you’re answering them. Doesn’t sound like you’re being obnoxious and gloating or bragging. You do you - if they’re crass enough to make a negative comment just ignore it and change the subject. Finish your response with a question back at them ‘we’re going to South Africa. What are you plans this year?’ If they’re pathetic enough to say ‘oh we can’t afford anything like that we’re going to stay in a hole in the back garden.’ Just ask about their trip ‘oh lovely, have you been there before? I hear it’s lovely.’ Etc etc. Ignore their jibes - be clinical and honest.
I hate people who like to piss on other people’s parades. Have a wonderful holiday x

I'm in a similar type situation (we've done 4 abroad hols this year and will be going to south africa in october) and I used to feel awkward or bad about it but now I just think Fuck It. We go on those holidays because we prioritise travel, our friends are cruising round in 2 brand new, premium badge SUVs which cost way more than all our holidays added together, and also because we work super hard, and I'm good at spotting a bargain and working with cheap flights etc. Each to their own priorities (my clothes are from vinted whereas a designer handbag is literally the cost of our flights to SA for all 4 of us). I'd not feel bad about it personally.
I said "not unreasonable" because lie if you like, I don't see anything wrong with saying vaguely "not much" but you should not feel bad about prioritising your spending on travel, in the same way people aren't covering up their car badges/lying about private school attendance/not using designer handbags etc. If people find out from other family members, I think it'll look a bit weird and I honestly think most people say stuff like "nice for some" as one of those auto comments (I've said it before, i just mean "that sounds nice, I wish I was going too") I don't think anyone means "you absolute show off/rich bitch, I'm seriously jealous and hate you now". Why do you care what they think/say?

Just be honest. I wouldn’t lie about it. Some people are going to be envious but so what. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t lie to anyone who clearly already knows where you’re going, no!

I said this to my neighbour, it wasn’t a judgement just passing conversation. They are always away, which is their choice but it’s fine to acknowledge that.

I think you are projecting and they probably don’t care at all where you go. Lying would be ridiculous!

Yes, this.

I am not sure other people care that much tbh amd I haven't ever really heard anyone have that sort of conversation.

Lots and lots of families from all sorts of walks of life do understand priorisitisng and spending money on travel - especially those who go skiing or to the Florida parks for eg.

Are you sure you aren’t overthinking this? A particular destination doesn’t necessarily mean spending £££££.

I totally get it, we prioritise holidays and I do some comments along the lines of where are you going this time, must be nice for some etc.
It did use to bother me but everyone makes different decisions about what’s a priority to them!
We’re currently sat in an Italian airport waiting for a flight home after 3 weeks away and we had nearly three weeks in SE Asia at Easter as well.

I'd tell the truth because it isn't worth lying about.

If anyone makes a comment it stick with "I know, we're very lucky" or "it's taken a while to save for so we're looking forward to it".

We do a lot of travel, but we sacrifice in other areas to afford it. People in compatible jobs could presumably do the same as you if they wanted?

It's no one's business where you go, when you go, who you go

We're undecided/nothing firm is always a good retort.

You don't owe anyone the details, but if your husband and child are going to talk about the holiday no matter what, then on a practical level people are going to know the destinations and some details no matter what you do. If you're mainly getting moans that people can't afford holidays as nice or as long-haul as yours, perhaps try light humour like "Well, we've been eating rice and beans all year and my husband's still using his 2008 iPhone, but we HOPE it will be worth it!" And then change the subject. That might get a little bit of the message across without being too offensive.

As a side note, when I was younger and single some of my colleagues were serially shocked/sad that I was going various places solo - very much by choice! - so I'd try to reciprocate, e.g.: "Alicante sounds GREAT, but what a drag that you have to bring your partner and children along! Couldn't you get away by yourself?" I think it possibly made a few people think.

I think you’re over thinking it! It’s just something people ask to fill a silence etc. it’s nice to hear about places people are off to - and yes sometimes I feel
a bit jealous if someone’s off on their 3rd AI to somewhere stunning… but I’m always pleased for them! We went abroad last time for the first time in 20 years, and the only time ever as a family with our 3 kids. To me it felt even more special because of y was such a rarity. And I have found a way to enjoy my English/British breaks - someone with a single long haul holiday might feel jealous that I’ve got 5 UK holidays this year (lots of camping involved though). So just answer honestly and if they’re funny about it, that’s about them, not you. Don’t be braggy and no one will care.

It’s definitely weird to lie. Less weird would be to say you don’t know, your husband is taking the reins this year and you’ve said you don’t want to know until you’re ready to pack/ready to leave/at the airport or whatever!

It's a bit different for me because I'm originally from a far-flung place, but we don't only holiday there, we love travel so we go to many different places. I just say where I'm going, I don't think I've had any snarky responses but if there were, I would shrug it off as that person's problem/chip on their shoulder.

I can honestly say I’ve never heard judgment about the relative expense of different holidays, so I wonder if this is as big a deal as it feels to you?

People do gossip about the big trips but it’s along the lines of “ooh I wouldn’t fancy a 16 hour flight with a 5 year old!” Or “gosh she’s going with all her in laws, I couldn’t do that”.

It’s never about how expensive the holiday was or guessing who is spending more money on their trips.

So it is gossiping but not really about the money, more about what we like/don’t like on trips.

I think that most people are just making conversation and you think too much about it

"We're going to Malaysia/Japan/Cambodia as we can't afford UK".

It's actually true, we spent more on UK holidays in 2021 than if we'd gone abroad.

I'd tell the truth without boasting. If they want to be envious, let them.

Depending on the context, it might be worth mentioning how cheap accommodation/food is in eg parts of Asia. Though not if you are doing it the expensive luxury way. I know for sure that our family holiday to Borneo a few years ago cost a lot less than some European breaks, but not everyone realises how cheap it can be.