To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

And that’s the fault of the one with the health condition is it ? Or the fault of the parents who have the responsibility for it ?

Why would I? I've read all the OpS osts

I’ve answered this already if you read the full thread.

Even if it meant wrecking the relationship with another child of yours?

Jesus - do you know what DKA is ?

It’s not as simple as ‘being fitted with an automatic insulin pump’ 😂 if it were there would be no issue
pumps are activated and managed by the wearer. The machine does not make decisions for itself. and I can tell you with 100% certainty that this boy will have had many a doctor tell him about the importance of managing his condition.y ex husband was also a T1D and had a rough ride. I know it’s frustrating but unless you are in their shoes you can’t relate. My daughter has also been T1 since the age of 5 and it’s been easier for me to live it and appreciate and understand the difficulties of it through her.

I think its important you stay and that you allow your son to find young adult ways to manage his life.

You will be setting an awful pattern if you go running.

At 18 at University young people are often ill outside family life alone for the first time, they experience heartbreak. If coddled they don't learn how to cope.

Are his friends rallying round him?

At 18 there is nothing either parent can do really let’s face it.

Ops son can deny them any of his medical info or to visit him if he wants. If he doesn’t want to talk about it he won’t and he isn’t a child where Op or dad can demand the info.

DKA is NOT always self inflicted! Insulin pumps can occlude/fail whatever. Blood glucose sensors can fail.
it is also not something that necessarily takes a long time to build up to. It can happen over night and the person wake up very poorly.
many diabetics now eat whatever they want to and carb count, give insulin as required.
ALL food with carbs in affect blood sugar, not just something that looks like a treat eg chocolate bar. There is constant ‘behind the scenes’ work going on in the mind of a type 1 diabetic. It’s exhausting for them.
Even a ‘perfect’ diabetic will experience highs and lows. They are missing an organ.

How trustworthy is his dad? Would he respond to a frank conversation that you are worried your son could do something that could potentially kill him? Will he be in hospital for the duration of your trip or be allowed ho
e?

If you have form for prioritising your son, I would only leave if you are genuinely concerned your son might do something stupid (and since he's already ended up in hospital, that wouldn't be far from my mind). But this is likely to damage your relationship with your daughter so if he is going to remain in hospital and/or his dad can be trusted to keep him safe, I'd try to stay.

After watching now exh abuse his body, never counting carbs for 40 years and accompanying him to hospital on at least twice or three times as many hospital admissions I think I know what I am talking about

Whilst there might be other reasons that someone ends up in hospital with DKA this 18 year old has most likely ended up there for the 2nd time because he wasn’t monitoring his carb intake and just not controlling his diabetes.
Chugging down alcohol and sweets will do that

I think this is the bigger issue.
He is using poor management of diabetes to potentially control others.
This is what needs to be tackled and the consequences explained to him.
Why it might be a cry for help, he cannot do this whenever something doesn't go his way (jealousy of a new baby, poor exam results, relationship issues). I think OP is right that a push for mental health support is required but this does not need her to go home.
However it sounds like last time the seriousness of him not medicating properly was ignored, so not sure how responsive he is at listening to advice which could sadly result in him making this mistake again with devastating consequences.

OP. Perhaps you can speak to the hospital and ask for a MH team to talk to him. And also ask your son if he wants you to come home, or if he’s happy for you to stay.
I’d be worried sick about him too, and every part of me would want to be there incase he took a turn or did it again, but I see it from your daughters POV too. It’s very difficult for you, but I’d try and manage it by letting your son lead. I think he will likely tell you he’s OK though, and to stay, but at least you’ve reassured him you were willing to come to him during a moment where was vulnerable.

I think it’s important to remember also, he may be an adult at 18, but that’s still quite young (maturity wise, especially as a male) your daughter is much older and has her partner with her, she’s a mother, she’s more mature. She has it together a bit more.
When I look at it as a very black and white “who needs their mom the most, right now, in either situation. A holiday or hospital admission?”
it becomes obviously apparent to me that she’s not the one in a hospital bed after self harming over the opposite sex. She is instead on holiday, with the security and safety of her own little family bubble.

Sounds more like he has manipulated his T1D to make himself the centre of attention. OP should stay. DD sounds to be right, not a good investment in relationships to prove it to her.

A cry for help is literally attention-seeking, though. You can’t cry for help without requiring people to pay attention to you! A family member of mine has suffered from anorexia for decades, requiring numerous emergency hospitalisations because her organs are shutting down. These hospitalisations often happen around family events (that she’s been invited to but is not attending). The most recent two have taken place when her favourite brother and his (extremely thin, possibly also eating-disordered) girlfriend, with whom he’s besotted, were visiting from the US. There is no doubt she’s actually in danger, but also that she’s weaponising her condition. Which means that the people around her need to decide how to respond.

Diabetes isn’t Leukemia

Diabetes can be managed with diet and insulin.

But this person chooses to use it as a weapon with the full approval of his mother

Stay with DD & the baby. DS is 18 has a parent with him & is receiving the medical care he needs. Mental health care takes months to organize & can wait until you get home. This has the potential to damage your relationship with your DD & grandchild.

@FairKoala Please look into the many reasons of why a type 1 diabetic might go into DKA because it is very often not self inflicted and clearly you don’t know anything about T1 despite proudly proclaiming you do. It might have been done purposely on this occasion but there are many other reasons it happens.

This is so dismissive! Yes it’s self inflicted, but he is still poorly! And, it’s potentially life threatening, so it sort of was an emergency (at the time)
To have the attitude of basically “oh well, you did it to yourself, so cope” is so harsh. This her own child, and this was a serious cry for help.
I would never waver my child that way, if they self harmed like this.

DD has her partner and child they don't need you except maybe as a baby sitter. Go home if you are worried about him, can you talk to him directly or to the hospital to get the full story? I would have been on the next plane if one of my DC had been taken to hospital like that and was in mental distress.

This comes across as you give your bare minimum to your other children so why should they complain but when it comes to your eldest DS then he really is the Golden Child

Do you actually acknowledge that they want you present in their lives because it is coming across as your main focus is on your immature eldest DS

You dismiss your DD’s experience as saying that she was at university when eldest ds was diagnosed. But when she came home was the only topic of conversation her brother and his diabetes.

As for not knowing if he has his phone with him, of course he has. And he won’t text you back because he expects you to get on a plane. He wants to make you worry.

If you are going to mope around your dd will tell you to go back to your golden child and don’t bother planning to do anything with her or your dgd again and youngest will be off asap
Leaving you with your eldest who knows he has your sole attention,

I feel stuck between my 2 children

You know you have 3 children or have you forgotten one of them already
This isn’t just between your DS and his sister it will also show your youngest that the only thing that matters is his brother

What sort of relationship do you want with your daughter going forward? Because it sounds like she’s had enough of playing second fiddle to her brother, however justified you may consider yourself.

A parent acting with the best of intentions does not mean that those actions cannot inflict harm as an unintended consequence. ‘I did my best’ does not mean your child/ren will judge you favorably, or have a good relationship with you.

You are right OP that you won’t enjoy the holiday but you have to stay and make the best of it for your daughter and grandchild. You cannot keep putting everyone else you love on the back burner.

Your son is clearly struggling and needs support. It is tough being a teenager- exams, love lives, feeling judged and misunderstood without the additional issue of physical illness. No 18 year old boys are fully cooked, diabetes or not. They make poor choices, they do stupid things and
sometimes those things are not only stupid but dangerous and reckless. Your son is currently being supported by their other parent, in a hospital setting. Take this week to get yourself together and think about how you can help him when you get home

Just so you know this does come across as nasty.
As a mum I’d say it’s kind of normal to feel the need to be with your kid when they’re in hospital. Whether there are other parents or doctors and nurses there or not.
She has not booked the first available flight and abandoned her 25year old daughter she’s asked what people think she should do.
All these posts slagging off a poorly 18 year old boy they don’t know is absolute blowing my mind

Leukemia is a bit different to T1D.

But you do you and continue to think that being always put second for your whole life is fine. We'll agree to disagree.