To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

She's 25 not 12.

He's in hospital with a serious condition.

She's on holiday with her partner.

OP can't facetime him. His Dad pissed off to work and left him without a phone!

Listen to your daugbter.She obviously feels he is more important than her and her sibling and grandchild. Why would she say this ?Obviously it is a fact. He is in hospital ,getting help. He is with his father. Facetime him. He is 18 not 8!!

I was referring to the specialist team looking after him in hospital.

But this isn’t the situation with OP. DD was twenty years old when DS was diagnosed - her childhood wasn’t affected at all, she was at uni and then married, so where would the resentment come from ? OP has also said DD invited her on the holiday to babysit, so I don’t know how that figures if OP decides to go home, other than DD losing her baby sitter. Nothing in what OP has said indicates that there is any reason for DD to think that they’re ‘below’ DS in OP’s eyes.

The reality is that DS is unwell and there’s a distinct possibility that he has MH issues. OP is his mother, of course she’s going to be worried about him, but there are some posters here who are projecting their own experiences in order to make her feel guilty about that.

And OP updated a while ago, DS is on his own in hospital - his dad has gone to work, despite admitting to OP that DS is still quite unwell.

Is it true that he does these things when other people are getting more attention?

My siblings has a medical condition (not diabetes) but my mum is definitely very over protective because of it and absolutely is of the mindset that no one else can handle them like her and she panders to it no end. They have a habit of kicking off when others are centre of attention.

They did a runner at my wedding right before ceremony. Went out and sat in the car. Mum said she couldn't leave them upset so went and sat with them. Missed everything, wouldn't swap with anyone as wouldn't 'do it right'. Graduation same story. Birth of first child insisted on bringing them with her to visit then same again. Didn't even come in.

Do I love my sibling? Yes. But there is no denying that they have always been absolute centre of all attention and resources. Everything dropped for them to the exclusion of all else. Not a single milestone unmarred by their antics.

You are putting your son above your daughter and granddaughter if you leave. He is an adult with a parent under medical care. Its clear your daughter already has some resentment about you favouring him over the years. She's already had that disappointment about her but now you're also doing it to her child too and she is PISSED. Don't be surprised if she starts keeping a distance between you and grandchild to stop them feeling the disappointment of learning they're below your son in your eyes.

Is that why he’s gone to work and left DS on his own ? Any idea how serious DKA is ?

Hi. Thanks for the reply.
not all T1 are under a specialist. Given his age I would hope to think he is under Young persons/ transition clinic/paeds but people do get lost to follow up, Do not attend.

Hopefulky he will be seen again soon.

Exactly that. Attention seeking at it's finest. The dad sounds competent and can handle it.

I hate these threads sometimes. The default seems to be to put the boot in to OP’s despite the difficulties they’re posting about. They seem to attract the most inward looking and self absorbed posters determined to project their own experiences no matter how inappropriate.

I really, really feel for you and I would be torn as well and hate to be in a different country if one of my children was in hospital, even if there was nothing I could practically do.

However your daughter has voiced that she wants and needs you too, she is a relatively new mum herself and I think it will count a lot with her if you stay and prioritise her and your new grand daughter. You can call and FaceTime your son easily to keep up to date and help him.

On a more personal note my mum left a holiday I was on with her once (when I had very young children and was a newly single mum) and I felt so sad and abandoned by it, I have forgiven her but not really forgotten. If you make a choice to leave you could be paying for it for a while.

really wishing your son better though xx

Yep. This.

Dont be ridiculous my youngest son is severley autistic he takes up a lot of my time
My oldest son understands this however
When my oldest son collaapsed at home and was in DKA he was my priority i spent six days and nights sat at his bed side
Thats what you do as a parent you have to priortise the child that needs you most at the time.

His dad is not with him. He’s gone to work.

Dad couldn't even ensure his T1D son had his phone. Assuming he has a CGM this is a necessity.

I find it hard to believe the DS went into DKA during the few hours the Dad and his brother were at a football match.

Someone seriously needs to have access to his follow data.

I absolutely understand that you are worried, 18 or not, he's still your son. However, your son is in hospital and has his Dad by his bedside. At 18, your son is legally an adult, you can't force him to accept mental health support, even if you know it's something he needs. Stay on holiday with your daughter and granddaughter, you're not there for long as it is. Your son's Dad can keep you updated. Even if you flew home, what can you practically do, that his Dad can't?

Dd being particularly nasty about it imo. She must know how worryou are being a parent herself. Maybe she just doesn't get how serious diabetes is? After all most people look fine don't they so you don't always understand what damage is happening under the surface.
Id still stay though, just keep in touch with your boy and let him know if he wants you you will be there.

I think the risk of you coming home is that she won't ever forgive you for it.

Yep, because she’ll have lost her babysitter.

Will they do that though without his permission as he is an adult

I'd say it's worse to be the sibling with the life threatening medical condition actually. No matter what it is.

I tried to minimise DS's condition in my mind searching out stories of long lived and healthy T1Ds to try to keep normality and to preserve my own mental health until I read about the teenager who had appeared in a video I'd seen a few months before to raise awareness of what it was like living with the condition and hope for a cure.

Her part in it was portraying the disturbed nights having to deal with corrections and her Mum getting up to wake her to treat a hypo. Then it showed an alternate reality of the relief of them getting a full night's sleep if there was a cure. It was very accurate.

She'd died in her sleep from a hypo at 13.

That hit me like a brick.

Can you imagine being a teenager knowing there was a very real risk you could die in your sleep, and the effect of that on your mental health?

No, it will go the same way as ever in the sense that OP’s who have disabled children with sibling will be made to feel guilty because they have little or no choice but to prioritise their disabled child.

I’ve seen some sickening threads on here - one recent one absolutely demonising a single mother who was the sole carer to an obviously profoundly disabled child whose elder brother was acting out. Despite having no family support and only four hours of respite per week she was roundly criticised for the care she had no choice in giving her son, and characterised as neglectful.

DD was a grown woman when her brother was diagnosed. Instead of whining about priorities she should be thanking her lucky stars it wasn’t her with the diagnosis. Newsflash - disability is not the fault of the disabled or their parents, except, it seems, on MN.

I would phone the ward he's on (which I appreciate will be challenging) and ask to be kept updated regarding his care. And I would be very persistent about him seen by a mental health team.

But I can also see where your DD is coming from. I think the risk of you coming home is that she won't ever forgive you for it.

Agreed but i dont think some posters understand how serious it is either
My son was disgnosed in DKA he very nearly
didnt make it
For the most part type1s can live a fairly normal life
But when things go wrong they can be catastrophic

This thread will go the same way as ever, anyone who has any compassion or can see from the DDs viewpoint will be told how awful she and they are, and that she should realise that she has to accept her parents will never prioritise her or her children and she should just accept this.

OP has updated a few times to say dad is not there with him- he’s gone to work. And her DS does not have her phone on him.

Actually disgusted at the comments on here. As the sibling of a child with a chronic health condition, and parent of a child with a chronic health condition, I think the DD needs to grow up and understand the seriousness of the situation.

She doesn’t bring any additional powers. She’s worried about her son and wants to be with him, and posters here are treating that as some sort of crime. DD invited OP on the holiday to babysit. Or did you miss that ? There is no neglect of any other children involved here - DD is a grown woman and a mother. She should understand. DS may technically be an adult, but it sounds as though emotionally he’s far from it, and you sound as though you have no idea of what a T1D diagnosis actually means. And no, his dad is not there with him. He’s gone to work. You missed that too.