To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

Would you say the same if it was OP’s partner?

I just don't know how ill enjoy my holiday now knowing ds is in hospital even if he is with his dad.

You wouldn't be going home because it's more enjoyable though, so bluntly, I don't think this should be the metric. Make the best of it, lean into spending time with your daughter and granddaughter. Trust your husband to handle it.

We have an older teen with MH issues too and my husband is his preferred parent, so DH usually gets the brunt of having the tricky conversations and being default parent. Our son needs astronomically more input than other young people his age so it's a big load. But when he is unavailable DS gets me and I am "good enough". It's also really important that I do some of it to stay on the learning curve and show DS that I show up for him & care for him too. He needs both of us to be "safe people" so we both need to put the hours in. This week you are not available and your husband is taking his turn. It does your son and your husband no good if you swoop in and send them the message that you think they can't cope without you.

I loathe the phrase "making memories" but in this particular case, focus on your daughter and your baby granddaughter and try to make the most of the time off from the constant tick-tick-tick of thinking about the next thing DS might need. Spoil them, take loads of photos. Your son has a team of professionals, his other parent, and he can talk to you if he wants to.

This. 100%.

How lucky all those posters are who clearly know nothing about the reality of living with T1D. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

However, OP, FWIW, I also wouldn't come home. Your DS is being looked after. He'll need you in the long-term, for sure, but for now give your DD some time and trust that your DS's dad and the hospital will do their bit. Keep messaging, keep trying to call, but take this time for yourself and your DD.

Very easy to believe this with zero experience of dealing with a child or adult with either T1D, mental health issues or both. It’s so strange to have such a strong stance on something that you have no knowledge of!
I’m happy that you’ve never found yourself having to deal with this type of situation, good for you

Jesus, what an awful thing to say. To go into DKA takes a hell of a lot more than "eating a few sweeties" - it's potentially fatal, he will feel like absolute shit (as his internal organs would have begun shutting down), and it absolutely IS a cry for help. While he'll be OK now he's in hospital, DKA is treated as a blue-light emergency that has to be treated within hours to avoid death.

My DS was also diagnosed with T1D at 13 and has had HORRIBLE mental health because of it. Being diagnosed as puberty hits is particularly cruel. Google "diabetic burnout" and perhaps try and find some empathy for a kid - and my DS at 18 is still very much a kid - who is struggling with the reality of a life-long, life-changing disability that will overshadow their lives for the rest of their lives.

Have a word with yourself. If you don't know about a medical condition, don't make sweeping but also really nasty judgements about it.

That young man can't expect his mum to come off a holiday when he has support from his dad at home.

It's very coincidental that these incidents all happen when OP is with her daughter. Whether subconscious or active, the DS isn't monitoring himself properly when OP is occupied elsewhere.

People can be selfish, manipulative and diabetic and suffer from MH conditions. None of those things are mutually exclusive.

It sounds like you want to leave so you can take control of the situation. Not being in control is difficult. I’m similar to you.

BUT you agreed to come away with your DD and DGD.

Your son is not a young child and he is not alone.

It’s going to be very hard to stay and likely you won’t
enjoy it, but you’re staying for your other child

The thing is if you do leave this shows your son that if he does something that affects his diabetes management then mum will always come running. It also sends out a message to your daughter that she and your grandchild are not important.
What happens in the future if your daughter invites you to a school play and your granddaughter is excited to know you are watching only for you to not turn up because of your son?
As someone else said this could lead your daughter into going low contact and missing out on your granddaughter.

Surely if the situation changes then his dad could call you.
You being there isn't going to change anything.

The lack of empathy for a young lad who lives with a serious life altering chronic illness is mind blowing.
Luckily the majority of people will never know the relentless all consuming nature of this illness, but that doesn’t mean it’s not real and it doesn’t mean he is being selfish when it takes its toll. Parents of T1s come the closest to getting but it’s only really those who have it who truly know how difficult it is to live with. You can’t take your eye off the ball ever and sadly when things happen in life (good and bad) shit happens. Especially when you are 18 and finding your way in the world.
OP it sounds like he is being looked after, so I would stay on your holiday. But please don’t listen to the posters calling my him golden boy, selfish or manipulating. These are voices of privilege because they really don’t understand the complexity both mentally and physically of what he faces 24/7.

Isn't that what his dad can do - help him? His dad is there with him, he has hospital care. he's 18. Seriously.

Why should she? This young man is being well looked after and has a parent nearby. The last thing he needs is being inundated by a bunch of relatives, making a fuss.

Yes, its self harm. A way of dealing with distress and anger and other negative emotions. And yes he will need help unpicking all of that. There's no suggestion he's done it for mummy's attention.

Wasn't there a very similar post to this in the last several months?

No one can tell you what to do, but I can promise you one thing. If you rush back immediately then you’re likely to go through the same thing again in future. My T1D sister did the same as a teenager. We all rushed to her side. She thankfully survived. 6 months later, she was found unconscious. We all said she wouldn’t have done it again considering we’d all been so worried about her. She had done it again.

Like you I have 3 children, one with profound disabilities, who takes up all my time. I feel incredible guilt that I can’t spend more time with the others. This holiday you’re on will mean more to your daughter than you. Please don’t make your daughter play second fiddle.

Have a FaceTime call with your son and tell him how worried you are for him, and how much you love him etc but finish your holiday.

Good luck, I know it’s not easy spreading yourself around and you will feel guilt whatever you decide.

Sounds like he has been massively spoilt and indulged. To fail all his a levels because he didn’t bother with school… how did that happen if you’re so involved? And now he has deliberately done something really stupid, and you’re going to get again leave your other child.

He is with his dad. He is in hospital. He is out of danger. Deal with him when you get back. And maybe try being a bit tougher because whatever approach you’ve been using has clearly failed him, since he has screwed up so badly.

How many days have you got left of your holiday? What has your Son said when you spoke to him OP?

If he has form like he does, potentially.

It’s attention seeking and expecting mummy to run home and help him escape his responsibilities

YABU to consider
He's 18 and he has a parent with him.

Your daughter is right and you are in danger of screwing up that relationship, and that with your granddaughter, quite badly if you keep prioritising your son over them unnecessarily.

Would people that are saying that he’s attention seeking say this if he had overdosed or ligatured?

im not sure it’s attention seeking, but I agree with this stance
its important that at 18 he understands he is responsible for his own actions and health issues. He has slacked off his a levels and is now facing the consequences which he doesn’t like and he is feeling the pressure. He is with his dad so he has support. I would stay and Enjoy your holiday as much as you can as it’s not a long break, and show your dd she has your love too.

Honestly some of the posts on here are so misguided to say the least.

This is a young man with T1DM who has deliberately altered his sugar intake and insulin to cause DKA.

It’s a massive cry for help, I think some of you think this is similar to 18 year old simply drinking too much after a fall out with a girl, believe me it’s not. It’s much more like taking an overdose.

I really understand where you’re coming from OP not sure I could stay on holiday in the circumstances, I think your DD will maybe have to suck it up on this occasion.

Yep and people are still being ignorant enough to say it's attention seeking. It's not. It's a cry for help. Hes had his dad having a go at him constantly about his a level results (so supportive not!) While dealing with a crazy girlfriend and trying to look after his diabetes himself. It was a matter of time before shit hit the fan.

Your poor daughter. So he pulled a similar stunt when she was freshy post-partum with her first baby, and now he has done it again to ruin baby’s first holiday with grandma?

Leave son with his dad. Prioritise your relationship with your daughter and granddaughter. This kind of attention-seeking behaviour shouldn’t be rewarded.