To leave holiday early even if it will upset my dd?

Leave and you will permanently damage your relationship with DD. Even you stay and be distracted it will cause damage.

what exactly will you do there that will make a difference that requires you to go there?

you need to do some soul searching if what DD said is true, btw

It's a hard position to be in and, like you, I would worry constantly about DS while I was away. But I think you should stay. He has a responsible parent with him and he has appropriate medical care. There is literally nothing you could do by returning except provide company (which I'm not knocking, but he has his dad and his brother; he's not alone).

If you leave your holiday, you risk ruining your relationship with your daughter and proving her point about her brother. Although still young, he's an adult, and he's had several years to learn to manage his health.

Maybe in your experience and I’m sorry about that. Not every parent is perfect and in the moment it is really hard to prioritise who gets your attention but unfortunately if a child is ill or has to go to an appointment then what can you do?
it’s also clear from posts that most haven’t had to parent a well child along side a sick one who takes up more time but we can only speak from our own perspectives.
No one is forgetting the DD the OP is literally on holiday with her. The vast majority of PPs have said to stay on holiday (including me) but she’s still going to feel unsure about what the right thing to do is. Maybe in time if the DD has a second child she may relate more to trying to be balanced and fair between your children whether they are ill or not.

Aw poor you. If only you'd been the one with the life threatening condition eh? Personally I was always relieved that the cup hadn't been passed my way (my sibling died of leukaemia and yes I got considerably less attention for a few years as a result of his illness).

I also think the OP should stay on holiday but this "pity the forgotten sibling" stuff yeah, no, bit distasteful coming from an adult.

Stay. He’s in the right place and has his dad with him.
He’s 18 and not a young kid, if I was your dd and you left I’d see that as a rejection that would be hard for me to get over.

This.

Don't you dare even think about abandoning your DD (again) for this selfish young man.

Ask his father or brother to make sure he has his phone and then FaceTime or WhatsApp him - if he chooses not to take your call that tells you a lot about how much he (doesn't) need you.

You come across as selfish and controlling. Your son doesn't really NEED you. But, oh no, his dad and his brother, and the medical staff aren't enough - YOU have to rush to the rescue (because it makes YOU feel better) and everyone else just gets pushed aside.

I'm not saying this to be nasty @ChiefArk . Just be very clear though, that this is the message you will be giving your daughter! You need to stop thinking about yourself, focus on your DD and DGD and do your best to ensure they have a nice holiday.

Why on earth did you hear about your son being in Hospital from a child and not his father? That is the bit I’d be most cross about. But he has a parent there, I would stay with your daughter.

Exactly! I was diagnosed with brittle asthma when I was 14 but never used it for attention. He is an adult in hospital, and had his dad with him. OP needs to show her daughter that she is also her priority.

I know about T1 diabetes. Exh had it

Dka isn’t a split second decision to commit suicide. DKA is caused by not managing his blood sugars over a period of time

Exh has never got to grips with looking after himself. I gave up trying to guide him years ago because he would only call me a nag

He won’t deny himself a bar of chocolate or a bottle of wine. He eats what he wants, when he wants and thinks someone will be there to take him to hospital when things go wrong

Stay put and have a great time with your dd and dgd. He is in the best place for him atm.

If you do return not only will the relationship with your daughter and son be irreparably damaged but your other son will know all he has to do is not control his diabetes in order to control you.

I think whether you realise it or not, from the moment your DS was diagnosed diabetic all your attention has been on this boy. To the point where your other children have felt pushed out.
Even when in their company you have probably come across as preoccupied.

No wonder your dd got angry.

DKA is afterall a self inflicted issue. Not because of a one off event but a steady decline in how he has been managing his diabetes.

Your DS needs to block this gf and concentrate on getting his life and his health under control and get out and find new friends and new experiences.

You have to let go and realise he is an adult. He might need some therapy and to set goals in life

The only thing you can do at this stage is to tell his father to tell the doctors to have a word with him about the importance of keeping his blood sugars regulated and maybe ask if he could be fitted with the automatic insulin pump to make it easier for him to manage his insulin.

And the DD is just forgotten about.

I really can't believe what I'm reading.

It's so clear none of you have ever lived with a sibling with a health condition. You're always second best to the one with the health condition, and you know it.

He is an 18 year old man who has the support of his dad. They do not need you at all. Your daughter is quite right and you have to stop his attention seeking behaviour by not giving it to him!

As he should?….he is their child and is also living with a serious chronic condition

I'm also an adult with an adult sibling, and while I can see that there are still some unbalanced and unhealthy dynamics in our family, I try my best and generally succeed in responding and acting/thinking like a grown-up rather than a child in that role in the family. At 25 and (presumably) as a responsible and capable person the DD can reasonably be expected to be a bit more thoughtful about this and not simply react like a sibling who's jealous of someone else getting more attention. I think her saying if the OP leaves it proves she cares more about her DS than her or her other brother or her granddaughter is appallingly immature and emotionally manipulative.

Respectfully his T1D is life long is this what its going to be running to his beck and call? Hes an adult and in general sometimes as a parent our job is to teach our kids not do everything for him.
He's an adult, yes, but a very young one, and was diagnosed at 13, so quite a vulnerable and young age, and it's still only five years in. So no, I'm not suggesting the OP should be going to his aid for the foreseeable future, but for now I think it's quite reasonable that he is asking for attention/help in whatever way he knows how.

Yes of course I would?! If you read a comment I’ve left further up responding to another PP you’ll see that I’ve said I don’t think OP should come home at this point. So yes my response would be the same if it was any member of her immediate family.
maybe have a read up about T1D and the myriad of other issues that go along with it including mental health problems and you may have a little bit more empathy or at least realise it’s not a black and white situation.
There’s many variables including: how the diagnosed person deals with it/ how their body deals with it/ what resources are available to them/ family dynamics etc etc etc
it would be lovely if everyone could just accept the hand they’ve been dealt and skip along merrily through life but not every one can, some people struggle and need help. Maybe he’s asking for help in the wrong way but he’s 18, not a 3 year old having a tantrum for his mums attention.
Again tho, I don’t think at this stage she should go home, his dad is there and he is in hospital. DKA can often turn around fast and hopefully he will be discharged soon (maybe with a referral for mental health support)

I think it is a mistake to go back, he is getting care and has family around him. He has been making really bad choices, with relationships, with his school work, with drinking and you don't want to send the message that none of that matters compared to him getting better. Obviously it hugely matters that he gets better, but the other poor choices matter as well and eating too much sugar in a childish way to get out of an uncomfortable situation is yet another poor decision, not one that nullifies the others and gets him flowers and sympathy, brushing everything else under the rug.

A bit of time and reflection in hospital, where he is safe and hopefully a bit bored, could be good for him. Let him deal with the medical questions where he has to state out loud that he put his life at risk because of an ongoing girl drama. If he thinks this is a good way to move from parents being disappointed in him and giving his sister attention to all reassuring him and fussing around him, he is more likely to do it again and again.

Give him the space to process his negative feelings, they are normal, don't rush to try and fix them for him. Have him deal with the consequences, it will help him grow up a bit.

FWIW I had a chronic illness that I managed badly at university and nearly died from, so I know it's hard, but I also remember the stern, no nonsense talking to I had from a doctor which was a really seminal moment for me in terms of acceptance and maturity.

The DD sounds like she needs the attention now more than the DS. DS is safe with his dad being cared for, he can have attention from the dad.

What happens then? OP can't split herself in two.

You could see the timing as to do with the sister, or you could equally see it as part of great life changes and turmoil - the same week he turned 18 and started drinking, and this one being the same week he flunked his a levels and was berated constantly by his dad

Understandable that as he is adjusting to significant life moments, his mental health and consequently his glucose management is adversely affected.

Im just going to view this as a sibling. That is what OPs DD she is a sibling. Over the years (at times) I have had a conversation with my own mother that despite her having 4 kids her energy has gone into the other 3. This was met by my mum agreeing and saying that she knows im fine and I don't need her as much.

I don't know if this is OPs case. Im just saying it could be?

I think OPs DS will learn a valuable life lesson here. OP deserves a holiday and to enjoy it too. Respectfully his T1D is life long is this what its going to be running to his beck and call? Hes an adult and in general sometimes as a parent our job is to teach our kids not do everything for him.

So he needs it When is giving or needing attention supposed to stop? Who decides? You?

But twice he has been hospitalised, due to his chronic illness, when his mum is focused on his sister. It may be coincidental, but the message for everyone is that it's dangerous for OP to not be closely monitoring him. From the daughter's point of view, she will never be her mum's priority or get her full attention.

It sounds like he's had plenty of the OPs attention over the past few years.

If you’re neither a parent to a child with t1d or a diabetes pediatric nurse/ doctor, you should keep your ignorance to yourself.

Diagnosis with t1d as a teen is brutal and commonly results in mental health struggles- so much so that mental health monitoring is just as important as the glucose management. Hormones can also make everything out of whack on what is already a lifelong, all encompassing condition. He isn’t attention seeking any more than a child who has attempted suicide is.

It doesn’t require being stricter but careful, empathetic management. While I don’t think OP needs to rush back, I also know she is right to be concerned.

You keep talking about not knowing whether you’ll enjoy your holiday.

This isn’t just about you enjoying your holiday. That would be the case if you were on holiday by yourself. You’re not, your on holiday with other people, who’s holidays will be impacted by you changing your plans.

It would seem perfectly reasonable to take an hour away from your holiday companions to make some phone calls so you better understand the situation. At 18 though, it will depend hugely on how much or how little your son wants to share. His dad won’t be given any information that his son doesn’t want to share with him. That doesn’t mean that dad can’t stand next to him in hospital and pass him the phone so you can talk to him direct.

I have an autistic child - and in this situation I'd really try to stay with their sibling who gets so much less of my time.

It doesn’t seem to occur to some posters that people doing things for attention might…. need attention!
Having said that, I’d get him on the phone to reassure myself and him, but would stay on the holiday. He has medical help and his dad there.
I agree with those saying your DD sounds like the spoilt petulant one here. She has a child; surely she can understand the OP’s feelings?