My “comeback” was equal levels rude?

I’ve not RTFT but OPs replies - am I the only one wondering why OP would think she intended to ask her why she’s unmarried when she’s talking to her nephew’s girlfriend? Surely this would only apply if you were single…

I’m late to this thread @Rebes, I’m stealing this response!!! I love it. My culture sounds similar in some respects to yours; and if I’d been in your position I’d have been treated the same way. However if a bloke had responded in this manner it wouldn’t have all the repercussions. Carry on!!! It will take a while, you might have to “apologise”, but in time you will be included again. Then people will tread more carefully.. If they start that crap again glower at them.

P.S. I totally understand the loaded “auntie” questions for women who don’t conform. Every time!!!

You have no idea why she was asking your age, it’s not a rude question. You asked her about weight because you wanted to be spiteful and embarrass her. You clearly weren’t brought up very well. If you can’t cope with your partner’s family and background then find someone more acceptable to you. You need to grow up, and you can start by apologising to the aunt. It won’t be very enjoyable but you’ll learn a good lesson from it.

It sounds very extreme to more or less cut you off from family gatherings for a throw away comment. I think your boyfriends cousin was very punishing. He wasn't thinking 'I'll have a chat, put forward how Aunt feels, demand an apology and make sure that it never happens again.' Surely that would have been enough. Especially considering that you are usually polite.

Instead, you have been barred from the the aunt's house and, as a result, family gatherings, no second chances.

Just wondering if you could turn it around to make sure that you invite family to your house? You don't have to cut yourself off.

Also, yes, your comment was rude, but she was rude to you. Who are we to judge and measure how you felt and how rude her comment felt to you?

In that case, doubly well done. Why should you just suck it up? You were bold and I think it's great - not just for you, but for nudging misogynistic culture the teeniest bit out of the way for us all. For calling it out. Yes. Well done.

I’ve been on holiday for a week in Spain have been asked my age 4 times, I’m not bothered. But if someone asked me my BMI I would be shocked, offended and hurt, and I might add I would express that there and then

It’s not fair that she was able to get the family behind her as she took offence and made you the bad guy. However, it’s the traumas of both of you that was asking the questions to one another. If you don’t understand this, Therapy would help you immensely.

Can anyone talk to anyone these days without being judgemental or cynical? If you were both accepting of who you both are as individuals then this drama would not have unfolded. You are both as bad as each other.

Yes, I learned this in therapy myself.

In another reality, you are both one with yourselves; she asks your age and you answer. She accepts your answer and you ask what her BMI is and she answers. Then the conversation moves on and is a none event.

i think you both are being unreasonable. Only an honest conversation between you both without judgement will
clear the air.

I think a lot of people not getting the point, this is different culture.
its not the norm for an Aunt to ask someone their age(unless she has dementia - no filter)

she is clearly the head of the family, thinks that she has the right to ask personal questions, I but if you had answered her dutifully it would have a lot more probing.

if you had declined her question politely, she probably would have made her decision and given her feedback that you were unsuitable or something along those lines and the whole ‘gang’ would made your time uncomfortable at Aunty’s house.

i was involved in a more embarrassing question at an Aunty’s house, in a room full of people the old bitch asked me “are you a virgin” (3rd time meeting her) my answer not as polite as your BMI one

Agree with the hard pushback. Somebody has to stand up against these misogynistic assumptions.

You were incredibly rude and judging by your replies you seem hard work.

I think it's fair enough and a good comeback . Should never ask a lady her age !

Surely you're not correlating an older woman asking her nephew's girlfriend her age with an older woman asking a young woman if she's a virgin?

People are asked their age all the time for a variety of reason's, sometimes for necessary reasons, sometimes, just because people being nosy, which I suspect was the case in OP's situation.

In the whole of my 77 years of life, no one has ever asked me if I'm a virgin. And I'm pretty sure no one I know has ever been asked that question.

It's so far beyond rude and inappropriate it's difficult to find words to cover the level of rude. Even in cultures in which women are expected to be virgins until married, I don't imagine it's asked in a social settings and definitely not in a room full of people.

Yes, I imagine you're answer wasn't just a yes or no. I hope you gave full vent to your feelings.

Take a chill pill 😂

I bet a lot of people walk on eggshells around you.