My “comeback” was equal levels rude?

I explained in the previous post. It's in the trail you answered so it's right there.

Is it? Why?

But asking about BMI is not always a bad thing. Maybe Op can say that she was impressed by the feast aunt put on, while still staying in such good shape. You can claim innocence behind both questions, only the listener can tell based on tone, etc. what could be the purpose behind the question.

Why do people ask age? Let’s imagine Op said 32, then what. Aunt would have said okay? I doubt it. There must be a reason she was curious about OP’s age, and as op says she misogynistic, maybe it was leading to that kind of conversation.

sounds to me like you dodged a bullet with that family. Onward and upward without that BF

Haha! I mean...she probably deserved it, but it isn't exactly the most...glorified way of responding. Especially not if you're interested in having a pleasant relationship with your partner's family. I hate being asked about my age, too - in fact, any intrusive, personal question. But there are other ways to respond to questions we don't like.

"Oh, I've lost count by now. I'm just enjoying my life and appreciating every day I get to wake up, thanks to God"

"Oh Gosh, I barely remember my birthday. By the way, I was meaning to say - what a lovely dress you have on, it really suits you. Are you into fashion?"

"You know what, I don't feel a day over 20. I just really love life, and I really appreciate your invitation to this party. There are so many people I'd love to say hi to, I hope you don't mind if I find you a bit later to continue our chat"

Are you sure it's not you who feels a bit oid and on the shelf, to be so touchy about it?

It just seems like an extreme reaction to an old fashioned view from a (presumably) older relative of a BF? Are you older than he is?

Maybe so but it’s still not acceptable to take out years of cultural resentment on your partner’s aunty that you barely know, in her home. Her response was mindblowingly disproportionate even if the aunty was being rude.

She obviously touched a nerve. However, no need to be rude because if you react like that, you just prove she touched a nerve. And that is, assuming she had a malicious intent and was not just asking a question. What if she was asking a genuine question (it is OK to ask age if you are a family member, not a stranger). There are elegant ways to answering - and yours was not an elegant way.

You may be right, but the point is that the question is rude.

So if you and your boyfriend don't share the judgemental views on age, why take offence and respond with rudeness?

You know her views are wrong. Your boyfriend knows her views are wrong.

Why not smile and respond with either, your age, with no shame (since there is no reason to feel shame) and if she made a critical response, then call her put then, or divert the conversation if you couldn't be bothered getting into it

I feel you have lost the moral high ground by being judgemental and rude and have also soured relationships with boyfriends family

The best way to deal with someone asking your age is to say "I'm 32 or 50 or 65", how about you?"

Then if they go onto make a rude/judgmental comment, deal with that as it comes. Not be all "Oh fie, you may not ask a lady her age! What's your BMI though anyway?" Random. 🙄

I understand that you don't buy into them (although you do buy into the weight-based equivalent, as you do think that's rude - presumably you do think negatively of being overweight, then?), but you are aware that many people do. You explain what the negative connotations are and in the next breath claim not to know why people are assigning negative connotations.

It's quite amazing. It's like saying, "I know people think fat people are ugly and lazy but I've no idea why it's rude to call someone fat because I don't think that!"

You can distance yourself from the judgement without pretending you don't know it's there. If you want to pretend you don't know about it, don't explain it!

You're only human, OP. Your partner's aunt said something rude to you, and you responded in kind.

Frankly, I get tired of giving family members (including partner's) a pass for saying things that are hurtful and offensive, in the name of courtesy, being the bigger person, etc. It wears you down. To have to constantly bite your lip is incredibly unhealthy.

You have the right to be treated with respect. If your partner's family does not behave respectfully, you need to figure out how you're going to cope. They're never going to change, and they will always close ranks.

So, how are you going to protect yourself? Deal with the inevitable hurts and humiliations?

Glad your Mum's on your side. Where is your boyfriend in all this? If you stay with him, whose side is he going to take over the course of your relationship, if it's a choice between his family and you?

Now, it's up to you how "kind" you want to be (I've placed "kind" in quote marks, because so often the kindness expected of women is to the detriment of their own dignity). But please don't beat yourself up for your retort, which a canny observer would have understood for what it was - a valuable lesson for the aunt.

Take care and good luck.

In certain cultures, women are judged to be in 30s and still single. Maybe you never experienced it and op did many times to assume this time also she would be judged.

Your comeback made me chuckle.

But she can claim she didn’t mean anything bad by asking you your age but I don’t have what excuse you can give now to make things ok with partner’s family.

I also think they are being a bit too dramatic banning you from any family gathering.

I’m 36 and it wouldn’t occur to me to take offence at being asking how old I am. Especially as you’ve said yourself that you’re just starting to get to know his family so I’d have thought it’s a perfectly reasonable question and not an excuse to call a woman fat in her own home! Bonkers.

What I say is "as old as my tongue and a bit older than my teeth.

Yes but unfortunately you have probably ruined your relationship as you are now not welcomed by the family.

You sound like you have no time for people that think differently to you OP but lots of people won't take kindly to you being rude to their relatives or friends.

I mostly agree with you, but would emphasise that it should have been asked in a respectful manner. In doing so, more members of the family would have been more inclined to have a neutral feeling about who was to blame for a minor disagreement. OP how does your boyfriend feel about it now?
Perhaps it is time for you to move on, and mix with families with views find more tolerable.

Her aunt does think it's terrible to be OP's age and unmarried. That's why it's rude.

The aunt is overweight; that's no moral failing either, it's considered beautiful in some cultures, one can easily be overweight and beautiful, and yet nobody is struggling to understand why asking one's BMI is rude.

It remind me of a birthday card I received this year. On the front it says "I know it is rude to ask a person how old they are" and then you open it up and the says "How much do you weigh? I was hilarious!

If your good manners depend on other people having good manners, then you don’t actually have good manners.

There are consequences to being rude - you gave her a consequence; now this is your consequence.

There are ways to handle people like her that don’t bring those consequences down on your head. It’s not a matter of who is right or wrong, but about how to navigate social systems.

I've never worked out why it's offensive to be asked your age unless you think it's terrible to be 'old'. Check your ageism @Rebes