My “comeback” was equal levels rude?

If it was ill intent.

That was actually only OP's supposition.

The aunt may well have asked the question with ill intent, OP may very well be right but she really could have dealt with the question in a far better manner and still have kept the moral high ground.

Her response was unnecessary and far ruder than the aunt's question.

I’m of the belief that you are polite to your host. I’ve (very rarely) been hosted by a SIL who despises me and I paste a smile on my face if I must be under her roof. If someone is rude to me in my house they are never invited again. It’s my sanctuary and I wouldn’t trust someone to respect it or my family if they’re openly disrespectful towards me.

By the context, as detailed in OP's original post, e.g. 'I am from a Mediterranean culture that can be highly misogynistic and a bit old fashioned especially in regards to women'.

So, I'd say it was hurtful and offensive on the grounds of: 1) social convention (that to ask someone's age is rude), and 2) patterns of behaviour within the family and the wider culture.

OP states that her partner's aunt wanted to put her down. I think she's right to trust her instinct on that.

Now, the aunt may have felt justified in her behaviour, but that does not negate her ill intent.

In my experience, genuinely kind people do not need to assert how kind they are. Nor do they go about giving apologies they do not genuinely mean.

My view would have been to hear her out, just in case this once she wasn't going to be rude.

Then if she was in fact rude, be 10x worse that you would have been.

"Oh 32 is way past it" would be followed up with "at least I can climb stairs without getting out of breath".

You say you get ID’d a lot - maybe the aunt thought you looked a lot younger than you are and was actually judging her nephew for dating someone too young! The problem with your reaction is you’ll never know and his family will now be predisposed to hate you, unless the aunt is disliked in general.

You clearly came on free hoping for a pat on the back with posters falling over themselves to say “good one - that will teach her”.

She was rude. You were ruder. Now you’ve put your bf in an impossible situation where he has to choose between you and his family.

Next time shed light on the issue by further questions (are you concerned about my fertility?) rather than doubling down with your own line in rudeness. You’ll probably have to apologise now or live out in the cold..

Yes, it is interesring that OP when asked if she was oversensitive about being "left on the shelf" went straight to her appearance, rather than her actual biological age and the impact that might have, and also that she attacked this aunt based on her appearance.

Well I think you burned your bridges there. The fact you go to the gym everyday… you look amazing… really resonates with the “
I dont know why I thought about weight it was just the first thing that sprang to mind”. You know very well that women are judged very heavily about appearances and it’s a bit rich talking about misogyny in one breath then launching a blow that you know larger women will have been subjected to a lot one way or another. Unfortunately it was not a stranger in the street and this has potentially made your own life significantly worse assuming you like the guy you’re with. Maybe a little heart to heart with the aunty to explain may help.

Even if someone had made a misogynistic comment in the past, I'd wait for a further comment doing just that rather than anticipate that comment and sink to being worse than them myself.

The correct response is "I'm 32, how old are you?" Not "I'm 32. What's your BMI?" That makes you look very odd, and rude.

It depends on context and what you know the connotations to be. I've been in places where it's a compliment to be called fat, or genuinely considered beautiful, yet somehow everyone on here understands that OP's response was rude.

At any rate I'm bored of all the time wasting disingenuousness on this thread now. The one about "shut your cunt up you Ann Robinson lookalike" or whatever it was is much more entertaining and I need to enjoy it while it's still up.

Yours was a despicable comment. Hers was just unwarranted. You need to apologise. If anyone asked my BMI I'd no longer want anything to do with them. If they asked my age I'd either tell them or not depending on who they were. The two aren't comparable and I hope you see that.

Good for you OP keep up the good (or bad) work

The aunt asked OP her age. How is that 'hurtful and offensive'?

As far as one can tell from the op the conversations didn't get much further than OP's offensive retort so unless the aunt took one look at OP and declared that she 'looked old and way past her sell by date' the aunt's question was neither hurtful nor offensive.

It might be relevant for general chat about cultural references and whether they were alive when a particular TV programme was on or particular music was popular. I know I've been asked in that context "Oh you're too young to remember..."

I think it was a very apt response. Presumably neither question was answered because neither should have been asked in the first instance. The Aunt is the trouble maker IMO.

Asking someones age is perfectly normal, asking someone's BMI isn't and it's really rude. Coming from a misogynist culture is no excuse, you are an adult and you can choose to do the work to make sure you are not like that.

Why is it normal question to ask someone their age? Why do you need to know that unless it’s a form or for an activity based on age.

Well that makes no sense at all. So it depends what someone has in their mind when they ask you your age as to whether it is rude? How would you know this about a stranger, do you read their mind first?

So why did this aunt's question touch such a nerve? Who are you trying to convince?

Well op made a mistake. She reacted in the moment. If aunt is a decent person, she would forgive op.

This. Why are you so defensive and why is 32 past it?

Shop woman was a rude jobsworth who deserved to be told, although maybe not in such an extreme way considering she was obviously a bit over sensitive.

If you were near me OP, I’d bring you pre packaged melon.

This is the joke from Ann Droid the sitcom. The robot is trying to be friendly and is told to ask a question to start a conversation. She turns to a large woman and asks, what her BMI is. The robot has to quickly be taken out of the shop before she offends anyone else. It is a rude question unless you are a robot ( although the robot in ANN Droid is still told off for asking it because it is rude.