FIL calling me a bitch

Some people, both men and women, use that and other terms some consider really bad in a jokey way (when I lived in Glasgow, pal was seen as the danger word, friends called each other the x-rated ones). Beeyatch and so on have been used on all sorts of shows in a lighthearted way, and it's only recently some people have objected (ok, some people have objected to swear words forever, but many don't, so it seems OTT to get mad about him doing it; he probably assumes younger people are more likely to be ok with swearing; my grandparents would have objected to bitch and other swear words, my parents wouldn't). If you don't want him to swear in front of you/your kids, be clear and say you know lots of people swear, but you don't. Or if there's some words you don't mind, say which you do, like if he's still doing the Britney Bitch thing.
As for working or not, tell him that's really between you and your husband, but it's not strange he'd be surprised at a woman not working in this time period-it was more normal for his wife, assuming she's a good bit older than you, not to work, as mums of her generation often didn't work as much, so there's no reason to be upset unless he pushes it.

No tone changes calling someone a bitch at a fucking birthday party. He sure didn't do it in front of her husband.

Blah blah blah, bitch.

That is pure aggression from her FIL.

This is awful. I can’t imagine my FIL ever calling me a bitch, joking or otherwise. And my husband would not tolerate it anyway. YANBU at all.

To me, it would land as irreverent humour. Obviously this is a subjective thing that we're not going to agree on, and that's fine.

Its not “irreverent humor” —irreverent literaly means without reverence/resoect for that which is superior. So if OP made fun of her FIL that would be irreverent. An older man, her dh’s father, who has offered money, calls his son’s wife a bitch? That’s not irreverent. there is an unsubtle difference between punching up and punching down.

Like I said, I have an irreverent sense of humour. Wouldn't bother me if it was clearly meant as a joke.

Maybe you didn't cry because of hormones but because your partner's dad was an arsehole to you. It's a perfectly reasonable reason to cry.

Surely his tone and expression would have indicated if it was a joke. You saying you laughed along sounds like it was. Was he and MIL laughing?
It does sound like a joke to keep, especially given MIL being a SAHM.

The best way to respond to that type of passive aggressive comment is to feign confusion.

Smile politely, tilt your head, look mildly confused, maintain eye contact, and ask nicely "What did you say?".
If they repeat the comment or say it was just a joke, double down:
"I don't understand?" "Your not going on our payroll bitch, is a joke?"
Then you need to ask the key question:
"Where are you going with this?"
Don't say anything else, just maintain eye contact until they are finished with whatever response they come up with.
No matter what they say next say respond with "ok." and a knowing smile.

How is being called a bitch funny? Especially when it's your FIL. 😕

@fireflies9 what did your husband say when you told him what his father had said to you?

I think you need to speak up. No one wpuld get away with calling me a bitch. What a horrible man.

I'll get shouted down for this, but I think so much depends on the tone here. I like irreverent humour, so if he obviously seemed to be joking, I'd probably genuinely find this funny.

OTOH, if he said it while glaring at you, hissing the word...obviously that's very different.

Either way, I'm sorry it hurt your feelings. Even if it was honestly meant as a joke, he owes you an apology for that.

And remind him that it was his son who got you pregnant in the first place.

The in laws have recently offered my husband early inheritance for house reno so I feel like I can’t fall out with them because they’ve been generous financially. It’s too late building wise to cancel but probably a lesson learnt to decline any generous gifts in the future as it feels like more of a burden.

This is often the case on MN.

A fair few adults still living off their parents/inlaws and so feel they have to put up with shit.

Lesson learned indeed.

I would honestly think twice about working for him DH’s business. God forbid, you split up and you’ll have no income of your own. Build your career separately.

Next time he comes out with a vile remark, fix him with a stare and say "and what do you mean by THAT?"

Make the nasty bullying wanker squirm in front of everyone.

Inexcusable. Just vile.

I went no contact with my daughter’s paternal grandparents because they called me names in front of her.

You MIL was there when he said this and didn't react?

This is horrendous. Are they a mysoginistic family type? Eg the women are there to fuck and breed with and look pretty and the men do the money?

He was warning you to get back to work and earn your own money and not to expect to be paid from the family business. There was no punchline, it was not a joke and he waited until your husband was out of ear shot. Nasty.

I’d have answered with, ‘Er, excuse me? It’s not your business’.
I sincerely hope you told your husband that your FIL called you a bitch.

well you won’t be going on our payroll, bitch’

That was no joke. Your FIL hates you and thinks you're a drain on his son. Extremely, extremely aggressive and disrespectful.

Is he part owner of your husband's business? Because when he said ours, he sees it as his. If he's really only doing admin, he's way, way out of his lane.

Talk to your husband about what FIL said to you. This needs to be addressed immediately because of the extreme aggressiveness he showed to you and while you're pregnant too.

Those are literally fighting words where I'm from. I'm sorry you have to deal with this man at all.