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Original poster

FIL calling me a bitch

67 replies

fireflies9 · 24/08/2026 12:33

it was my daughters birthday party and my FIL called me a bitch, however I’m not sure how much of it was a joke or if he meant it.

My husband and I were in a group talking about possibly moving away in the future and my husband left to get a drink leaving me with the in laws.

My FIL asked me point blank when I was going back to work as I’m on mat leave and pregnant again with my second, to which I replied I’ve got time to think about it with the second on the way and my FIL replied saying ‘well you won’t be going on our payroll, bitch’

The payroll he’s referring to is my husbands business, my husband owns 100% shares but my FIL helps out with admin. My MIL has been a SAHM mum since the kids were born and not had a job since so it’s not exactly like it’s something he fundamentally disagrees with.

It all felt a bit weird and out of the blue and in the moment I laughed it off and just said ‘we’ll see, I’m off to get a drink’ and left but I got upset and had a cry in the bathroom after I left lol probably hormones from the pregnancy.

He does have a track record of bad jokes but im just a bit fed up with them because it feels like he means them and only says stuff like this when my husband isn’t there.

OP posts:
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TheeNotoriousPIG · 26/08/2026 12:02

That is appalling, OP! You're his son's wife, and the mother to his grandchildren.

I am also not very good at confrontation, but it is things like this that are making me learn. It turns out that the men who can give it don't like it when you give it back. Good luck with serving it up cold in future, it's no wonder that you're moving, and best wishes for your pregnancy.

Valeriekat · 26/08/2026 11:49

How old is he? This sounds completely unhinged.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 24/08/2026 15:31

What a horrid man.

Ohcrap082024 · 24/08/2026 15:19

Well, that has helped you enormously in the future @fireflies9 There will come a day when your FIL needs more support and care. And you will feel no guilt at stepping right back.

Spooll · 24/08/2026 15:10

fireflies9 · 24/08/2026 13:28

@Livelovelaughfuckoffknow your place bitch 😂😂😂 This made me laugh thank you

@Spoollhe doesn’t take any money from the business so technically he’s not an employee, he’s already retired & just does admin including payroll lol to help my husband out

If he knows anything about payroll, he'd know it's usual for small buisness owners to put wives, who don't work elsewhere, on the payroll for tax efficiency, even where they don't have much of a role in the business. (between the two of you you take the same salary, but get two income tax allowances)

ThatWildHedgehog · 24/08/2026 15:09

He sounds very threatened by you ... if he excuses that as a "joke" no way, I wouldn't accept to be spoken to like that. Hope your ok xx

DisforDarkChocolate · 24/08/2026 15:04

That's no joke and it's not 'our' payroll, it's your husband's.

BCBird · 24/08/2026 14:59

I would be highly offended.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/08/2026 14:48

If this was an ordinary company, and the accounts/admin assistant spoke like that to a woman who was already recruited for a job there after maternity leave

He'd potentially be subject to a disciplinary procedure wouldn't he?

Not just for calling a female colleague to be a bitch, but telling her she wouldn't be welcome to start working there and claiming ownership of the company, when he had no shares and when the Boss had already decided she would be suitable to work there.

Seriously, he's awful. I hope your DH has words with him. I'd also make efforts to avoid him as much as possible. But I think he'd make your working life there hell.
Which is probably why he said it, to put you off as much as possible because he sees it as his domain. Miserable so and so.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 24/08/2026 14:01

outerspacepotato · 24/08/2026 12:58

well you won’t be going on our payroll, bitch’

That was no joke. Your FIL hates you and thinks you're a drain on his son. Extremely, extremely aggressive and disrespectful.

Is he part owner of your husband's business? Because when he said ours, he sees it as his. If he's really only doing admin, he's way, way out of his lane.

Talk to your husband about what FIL said to you. This needs to be addressed immediately because of the extreme aggressiveness he showed to you and while you're pregnant too.

Those are literally fighting words where I'm from. I'm sorry you have to deal with this man at all.

This post is so ludicrously hyperbolic that it's embarassing

outerspacepotato · 24/08/2026 13:56

saraclara · 24/08/2026 13:38

Your FIL hates you

That's a ridiculously bold claim to make based on one sentence that even OP thinks might have been a clumsy joke@outerspacepotato . And it's actively cruel for you to suggest that to OP.

Edited

Her FIL said that to her at a child's birthday party.

It's not me that's cruel. She needs to know where she stands here that her FIL would dare say that to her while she's pregnant with his grandchild to boot.

CurlewKate · 24/08/2026 13:53

Bearing in mind that much of Mumsnet seems to regard the word cunt as an endearment, there will be people who think this is OK. It would be completely unacceptable in my family. You have to have to decide what side of the fence you’re on.

Spooll · 24/08/2026 13:38

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 24/08/2026 13:10

The in laws have recently offered my husband early inheritance for house reno so I feel like I can’t fall out with them because they’ve been generous financially. It’s too late building wise to cancel but probably a lesson learnt to decline any generous gifts in the future as it feels like more of a burden.

This is often the case on MN.

A fair few adults still living off their parents/inlaws and so feel they have to put up with shit.

Lesson learned indeed.

Show quote history

Plus this FIL is giving free labour to the business. He was completely out of order, but that level of dependency probaly does make him feel 'owed'.

I agree with PP, I'd have serious concerns about working for this business. I think OP (and all women) needs to keep a level of independence.

saraclara · 24/08/2026 13:38

Your FIL hates you

That's a ridiculously bold claim to make based on one sentence that even OP thinks might have been a clumsy joke@outerspacepotato . And it's actively cruel for you to suggest that to OP.

WonderingWanda · 24/08/2026 13:36

This is outrageous, on what planet would this be funny? Personall, I woild want a proper apology and explanation from fil or I would have nothing to do with him again.

Dweetfidilove · 24/08/2026 13:34

Your pregnancy hormones are not what is making you cry. Your asshole of a FIL is. Do not minimise or excuse his nastiness.

99bottlesofkombucha · 24/08/2026 13:34

If your dh doesn’t 1000% have your back here, don’t work for his company. Keep your separate income.

HollyhocksandPeons · 24/08/2026 13:34

Not acceptable.

MinnieMountain · 24/08/2026 13:33

Don't blame your crying on your hormones OP. He was horrible.

My dad called me a bitch 3 years ago. I haven't seen him since because instead of apologising when I asked him to, he told me what a terrible daughter I am. Now I've come to terms with it it's a relief to be honest.

Spooll · 24/08/2026 13:29

fireflies9 · 24/08/2026 12:55

@grumpygrapei don’t work for my husband at the moment I work for a company completely unrelated and on mat leave, however it has been the long term plan after kids to work for my husband part time for flexibility.

Is that concern? He thinks you'll take on the part time admin he's been doing?

Absolutely no excuse for speaking to you like that and DH needs to deal with that, but maybe also needs to soothe his staff member's concerns unless he decides this is grounds for dismissal

Original poster
fireflies9 · 24/08/2026 13:28

@Livelovelaughfuckoffknow your place bitch 😂😂😂 This made me laugh thank you

@Spoollhe doesn’t take any money from the business so technically he’s not an employee, he’s already retired & just does admin including payroll lol to help my husband out

OP posts:
Eightfor15 · 24/08/2026 13:28

Yetone · 24/08/2026 12:39

This is not a great way to speak to you. If he says ‘our’ company again them I would politely remind him that it is your husband’s company.

Indeed.

"At least our household has at least one person capable of sourcing employment a job without begging their son for a handout"

Spooll · 24/08/2026 13:24

Honestly if my Dad spoke to my wife like that about my business, which employed him, I'd be telling him it was time he retired.

Livelovelaughfuckoff · 24/08/2026 13:22

I would have said “our payroll? I think you mean DH’s payroll. Know your place bitch”

pizzaHeart · 24/08/2026 13:22

RampantIvy · 24/08/2026 13:14

@fireflies9 what did your husband say when you told him what his father had said to you?

This ^
it wasn’t a joke even remotely. It wasn’t hormones on your side - you were hurt by FIL’s nasty behaviour.
He showed what he thinks about you. So I would think carefully about the situation and what would be best for you. Maybe taking their money for the renovation is not best for you.