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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to worry this anxious and avoidant person is moving too slowly?

32 replies

Rosie8880 · 24/08/2026 12:21

I have been talking to someone for a while, and they send me gifts like make music tracks for me, draw me things/ make artwork, grow food (veg) thinking about me, and we seem to be very compatible interests wise. But. They are they say highly anxious and avoidant. They say they are highly attracted to me. It’s really moving slowly. Like slow. I don’t want to be impatient but also I don’t want to be an idiot. Help a girl out here. Anyw advice?

OP posts:
Idlewilder · 24/08/2026 12:31

Have you actually met in person?

I would probably back off because if they are making excuses at this point, they have not got their mental health to a place where they are ready for a mutually supportive relationship. If you are frustrated at this point, it's going to end up being all about what they want/need, and nothing about your wants/needs.

There's a risk that you could put a lot of effort in and look back and realise it was never going to work.

Original poster
Rosie8880 · 24/08/2026 12:31

LadyLooo · 24/08/2026 12:29

Are you looking for a partner or a project?

If it's the former then let this one go (not that there's anything to let go of really).

Or consider that you may have been friend zoned.

At this point - wanting something casual but this is a million miles from casual as they are soo romantic which is lovely but just communication is inconsistent

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosie8880 · 24/08/2026 12:29

DahliaDelights · 24/08/2026 12:25

They are they say highly anxious and avoidant.

What are they doing about this?

Very good question. They have therapy but there’s part of me that feels whatever the situation is- there is some basic needs communication needs I have that just aren’t being met.

OP posts:
LadyLooo · 24/08/2026 12:29

Are you looking for a partner or a project?

If it's the former then let this one go (not that there's anything to let go of really).

Or consider that you may have been friend zoned.

Legomania · 24/08/2026 12:27

Do you really want a relationship where you basically have to parent the other person?

plsbekinddelicate · 24/08/2026 12:26

Life’s too short

DahliaDelights · 24/08/2026 12:25

They are they say highly anxious and avoidant.

What are they doing about this?