Friend assuming wedding invite despite not inviting me to hers the same year..

Maybe she’s assuming you will be doing the same and inviting her as an evening guest too.

Many people don’t see an evening invite as an insult. I’m sure it’s just a MN thing.

If you are not the only one out of the friendship group not invited to the hen/full wedding, I would stick with your initial decision to invite the whole friendship group to yours, If you are anything like me, you would only end up stressing in the run up to your wedding about whether it was the right thing to do or not. After both weddings the dynamic of the friendship group may change anyway, (the other girls in the group may feel the same as you do, but at least there won’t be any any ill feeling to have to deal with that could potentially spoil your big day)

I think people prioritise 'shiny' new friends or people they are hoping to be long-term friends with, and take their old friends for granted because you are just always there for them. Not fair, and all the wrong priorities but must be one of the only explanations for treating old friends badly. Maybe you should tell her and at very least the others, that you feel hurt not to be invited and see what they say.

Her expectations are irrelevant and can just be ignored.

invite her if you want to, don’t if you don’t

The main consideration for me is having people there that I want to be there, nothing more and nothing less. Its not about inviting whole friend groups if you are closer to a couple, and its not about excluding people because they didnt invite you to theirs. Maybe they have a huge extended family, and having your whole friend group, partners & kids was too much so they bumped everyone to evening in fairness, maybe they have prioritised other relationships or maybe they have closer friends. Putting aside all.of that - do you want them at yours or not, and if not are you prepared for the fallout.

The friend has prioritised work friends, which is her prerogative.

But to inveigle an invitation to OP’s whilst also being the type of the person who goes on about her whole wedding and hen to people who aren’t invited shows it’s this woman who is cynical and mean spirited.

It’s presumptuous and entitled to think the world revolves around you to this extent.

I can't understand why you would invite her to your hen do. Invite her to the wedding along with the rest of your group of friends but not to the hen do. She's not a close enough friend.

I think you need to stop thinking about this as YOU, and think of yourself as part a collective group of friends, it will make you feel less victimised.

She has invited one woman out of the group of friends to the hen do and to the daytime, all the rest of you are only invited to the evening, I think that is actually the fairest way to do it.. she may have liked some of you there, but she probably didn't want all of you on the hen do, especially if she has other group of friends where the dynamic may not work as well as a large group.. she would either upset the ones singled out, or have to invite everyone just for the sake of being 'fair', well it's her wedding, she shouldn't have to include everyone to make it fair to them, at the detriment of the best dynamics / or her overall preference.. no one should, you haven't been singled out at all.

You were always going to invite the whole group of friends to all of your wedding, which is what your dyanmic / preference determines, so it is very different, why not just enjoy your wedding planning and what you prefer without worrying about what other people prefer for their wedding?

I would invite her to the evening but your other friends to the whole thing. It would probably cause a fallout but I think she is being an entitled CF. Not sure what I’d do about the hen do, probably invite her tbh to avoid WW3 before your wedding.

This!
A friend I have known since we were 4 got married recently. Literally in my area - she lives else where. I wasn't invited, not did I expect to be.

I think you did really well to ask her about it but if you and most of the rest of your group has not been invited then I think she does not consider you (apart from the one who has been invited) to be "very close friends". It's awkward for you because you clearly do consider the group to be close and presumably would naturally invite them to your wedding. I would just continue to do that including this woman but she has been incredibly cheeky to assume you will do that! Is she usually a bit entitled?

It may be that she has prioritised family over friends or has a lot of family friends/cousins to accommodate but I think she would have explained the situation if that is the case but I also wouldn't rule that out as a reason. I suspect she doesn't see your group as you do and that's Okay but maybe just adjust your effort/what you tell her accordingly.

The reason I wouldn't do just an evening invite for her alone is that the tension it will create for you probably isn't worth it. If you're anything like most people quite a few friends in your wedding photos won't be close to you in thirty years time - just enjoy the day. I am intrigued how the rest of the group see this situation?

Do not understand your friend's thinking at all. A close group of 6 friends of over 20 years and one of them is not invited? Other than immediate family, who could possibly be on the guest list above a close friend of more than 20 years? How many close very longstanding friends has she got?? Then to expect to be invited to your wedding? Really weird, does she have form for this kind of thing?

That's a cynical and mean-spirited assumption. The friend could have arranged her wedding that way for any number of reasons.

Your attitude to the friend is basically, "Oh, so you think you're better than me?" Which really is, in the words of previous posters, petty and childish.

Sounds absurd. Everyone should decide their own wedding as they wish.

Over the years we went for a few wider family or friends wedding. Some were nice, some felt we were there just to have all family members in the same relationship there, without being that close.

Now we are getting married - short registry office with our parents only.
I hope no-one will take it personally when they hear about it. At the same time, if they do, their choice.

To be fair, you see it here all the time that people are invited to the pricey hen-do and expected to fork out for it and then "only" invited to the evening... She's only inviting one of your group to the hen & the whole day so I don't think she's being underhanded and maybe she's assumed that she might be evening-only at your wedding but is still excited.

I think you're maybe blowing this up just a little bit OP, and I say that kindly. If it was just you excluded that would be different.

I don’t think it’s wrong to ask someone expecting to be invited to your wedding as to why you aren’t invited to theirs.

My suggestion upthread was to say ‘I thought we aren’t inviting each other to our weddings because I haven’t been invited to yours,’

I definitely wouldn’t invite her.

Do this.

She has communiated how close she regards you. Reasonable for you to reevaluate how close you regard the relationship and match the evening only invite.

She has identified she is closer to one member of the group over others. You are free to do the same: you now feel closer to others than her.

It will be interesting how the others fewl when they are aware they are not invited to the hen do or the day.

Do you like this woman?

Do you want her at your wedding?

It the answer to both of these is yes, invite her. If the answer to either is no, don’t invite her.

These are the type of people who are going on about a hen do and wedding OP is not invited to.

Why do they deserve more care consideration than they are willing to give?

That’s the point, OP is not being invited to celebrate their actual marriage, but is expected to invite her friend to the main celebration for OP’s.

The only people who do this are those who think that they are superior so social etiquette doesn’t apply to them for those they deem inferior.

She’s treating the whole group (except one person) the same. I understand your disappointment but you’re not being singled out or treated unfairly compared to the others.

In your place I’d do the same. Either invite all or none (or invite one or two people you are closest to). But leaving only her out would be extremely petty and could ruin your relationship with the whole group.

What on earth? Only one friend from the group is going to the hen do.

Do not do this unless you want to look like a crazy person.

Maybe she just assumes shes going to the evening like you are to hers?