Friend assuming wedding invite despite not inviting me to hers the same year..

I’m petty, but she’d get the same treatment from me as she is giving out. I’d still invite the rest of the group as I wanted

@wedding27 we are all nosey Parkers and need you to update us all on what you are going to do? I’m invested in this wedding now 😁

OP, I wouldn't dream of bothering going to that evening do if she actually does invite you.
She has zero respect for you to treat you like this.
It's not healthy to accept such treatment from anyone.

Why on earth are you letting her treat you like that, at the very least drop into the conversation that you haven’t decided on the size of your wedding yet so don’t know who you’ll be inviting. I wouldn’t let anyone behave like that towards me.

I would be managing her expectations by saying something along the following lines: 'Well Marjorie, we haven't finalised our guestlist yet, but rest assured we are going to be approaching it in exactly the same way you have.'

That might give her pause for thought, but even if it doesn't it still leaves you open, for now, to taking any 1 of the 3 options with her. I dont think it's petty at all not to invite her - you are.simply re-evaluating the level of friendship in light of your lack of invitation to her wedding.

Perhaps excitement levels are more the problem here - is she going on and on about it, while seemingly forgetting she hasn't invited any of you to see those exciting things? In which case it's a bit like people droning on about their holiday, and them expecting you to care despite not going on holiday with you.

I think it’s very cheeky to assume you’re invited to the wedding kf someine you didn’t invite yourself!

I have to say I’d be very careful about telling her whether she is invited or not if the even the evening invite isn’t that straight forward.
Wait and see what she does.
I wouldn’t want to end up with her invited to the whole thing if you you’re not invited at all.

This would be a little insane no, since the woman in question has already explained it to the op.

I’m a bit blunt so I would just tell her what you’ve said on here “Friend, I’m a little confused; you’ve not invited me to your hen or your wedding, but you’re expecting an invite to mine. Do you not think that seems slightly off? You are basically saying that you mean more to me than I do to you.

This is good. And honest.

I’m a bit blunt so I would just tell her what you’ve said on here “Friend, I’m a little confused; you’ve not invited me to your hen or your wedding, but you’re expecting an invite to mine. Do you not think that seems slightly off? You are basically saying that you mean more to me than I do to you. I have to say I’m quite upset about the insinuation, the situation and I’m thinking over whether I reciprocate your invite in kind, with a no-hen do, evening-only invite. I am not sure whether the other 3 people in our group are also likely to be upset by your decision too (I don’t think they realise that they have also been excluded), and I won’t try to speak for them, but I just wanted to reflect to you the situation as I see it. I will be making my invitation decisions on a person by person basis, not as a group”.

Yes so ceremony and go or ceremony drinks and nibbles, most leave.

What do you mean 'most leave'? Are you talking about something specific like a church wedding/registry office? Because wedding packages at a venue that have a separate daytime and evening celebrations.. people invited to the daytime don't just turn up for the ceremony then leave straight after??

OP has made it clear that her friend is spending quite a lot and it will be a 'venue', there will be a daytime guest list and an evening guest list. Saying it's not going to cost the bride more for OP to attend the daytime is not going to be true in those circumstances.

Our evening guests came to my hen do.

Wait for your evening invite, once it arrives invite her to your evening do. Do not invite her on your hen do if you have one. Just do the same as she has done.

Yanbu however you are invited just not to the whole day? I’d assume she is expecting to be invited to the evening of yours as that is what she is doing? If she is only inviting one full day from your group but you were planning to invite all and have one as a bridesmaid it does sound like you are more central to the friendship group than she is and probably mutually with the other. I do think it is quite strange for her not to invite you to the hen and be so confident about her invite however.

so you may or may not be invited to the evening do but she expects to be fully invited to your whole wedding? I don’t care if I’m petty, I wouldn’t be inviting her to my ceremony

Well you could be the bigger person and invite her and not cause any upset but I wouldn’t, I’d let her think she was invited and then just let her not receive an invite just like she’s done to you! Very petty I know but it’ll make you feel loads better

I would only invite her to the evening do and I’d tell her it’s because you’re obviously not as close as perhaps you’d once thought.

This. So odd.

You are invited to the evening you haven't been excluded

Yes so ceremony and go or ceremony drinks and nibbles, most leave, small wedding party have meal or whatever.

It is a wedding. Thats the ceremony. A party is a party. An evening do when you haven’t been to the wedding is a party not the wedding and IMO pointless waste of money. As actually highlighted by the original post. If people aren’t valued or respected enough to be at the wedding why are they celebrating it afterwards?

Did you never reply “Dave, you didn’t invite us to yours?!”

I would say it is pretty rare for people just to go to a ceremony and then go home again, 'daytime' weddings you would usually be there for a few hours, and would usually be fed in some way, as well as have drinks and canapes.

Venues where it is an all in one are notorious at price gouging for catering, with prices for extra daytimes guests coming in at anywhere between £50 - £250 per head, so technically while it costs no extra for people to see you get married (room hire is a set fee) to invite evening guests to the daytime part of your wedding could easily set you back thousands more.

I would say we haven’t finalised invites yet. She’s very presumptuous! And I wouldn’t invite her to the day or the hen but I’m petty.

This.