Friend assuming wedding invite despite not inviting me to hers the same year..

Its pretty simple

Who do you want there
Invite them
Job done

Don’t reward her presumption and cheeky fuckery by inviting her.

Next time you see her tell her you had assumed you’re not attending each other’s weddings because she hasn’t invited you to hers.

This is odd. I got married a long time ago but I invited ‘everyone’ to the hen (was local - in our city, then a few came back to mine to continue the party), even evening guests.

She’s being cheeky and I’d probably decide nearer the time whether I’d want her as a day or evening guest, and def don’t invite her to the hen. Are the all other members of the group invited to her hen except you? If so that’s very bad form. I do get that within a group that there are different levels of friendship though.

Equal and exact reciprocation just doesn't really work in these cases, weddings are expensive and people have incomparable finances, family sizes, and friendship groups...

If you want to invite her then do, if you don't, don't. But don't exclude her in retaliation.

Invite her to the evening only. If you invite her to the full day you’d be confirming that she’s more important to you than you are to her, which she clearly already thinks in the case. I wouldn’t care if it’s petty.

Don’t invite her to the wedding. Invite her to the evening. If she complains tell her you realise you are not that close as she didn’t invite you to hers. You don’t owe anything to her. She does not consider you close. Invite others in the group if you want.

If she didn't feel we were close enough friends for me to be invited to the hen do, which in my eyes isn't something she'd be paying for unlike the venue/food/drinks at her wedding I'd think twice about how close you were in friendship altogether.

Have those from the group that are also not invited mentioned anything about it?

You don't have to invite her to your wedding unless you really want to.

YABU for putting "despite not inviting me to hers" in your title when in fact she has invited you, just with an evening invite.

Has she implied she thinks she's invited to the whole thing? Maybe she thinks she's invited to the evening do of yours, like you are of hers.

I definitely think it is cheeky of her to presume. I personally think it is cheeky to presume you'll be invited to any wedding, as you don't know if the couple will elope or prioritise family.

In this situation, it doesn't sound personal. Only one person from your friendship group is invited to her full hen and wedding. Maybe she had limited numbers etc. You always have closer friendships within groups of more than 5/6 people.

The question is would it make you happy to have your friendship group and her there at your wedding? It shouldn't be tit for tat. It also depends on if you want the friendship to continue, as if you don't invite her... it won't.

On the flip side to this. I'm getting married in a few months and am in a friendship group from school. There's 6 of us. Only 2 are invited to the day as I am closer with them and they have met my partner. The others are invited to evening and there's no issue. I was invited to one of the other three's hen and wedding 3 years ago but tbh our friendship has faded out so I don't feel the need to reciprocate. Just ensure your guest list reflects who you and your partner both want there. Done.

This!

I can’t understand why she’s knows she hasn’t invited you to her day do but seems to think she’s invited to yours! How bizarre!!

But she's right, she has only invited the group to the evening but you want to invite to the whole day. Question is do you want to appear petty and vindictive to the rest of the group. Forget what she thinks and concentrate on how the rest of the group will see it.

She's a CF and how horrible to exclude you from the hen do.

I would have it out with her. No drama just honesty. I might do it through the group and say how upset you are to be excluded from the hen do.

I don't know where this leaves you with the group cos they all know!!!!

Maybe you need friends who won't put knives in yoyr back!

People are so weird about weddings on here. Or maybe friends and family I know are the weird ones but genuinely, never known anyone make a drama about a wedding invite/ no invite in reality.

If you are invited and can go- great!!! Have a great day.
If you are invited and you can’t go/ don’t want to go for whatever reason- congratulations to them but we/ I will not be able to attend. Hope they have a great day.
If you aren’t invited- congratulations to them and hope they have a great day.
If you are the bride and groom- invite who you would like to celebrate your day. If they can come- wonderful! If they can’t, a shame but they’ll be happy for you.

SURELY that’s the end of it? (Or certainly has been for any of my group of friends/ family!!)

I don’t get the hen do though I had a mix of people on my hendo

Her wedding has nothing to do with yours. You choose who you want. It’s not a tit for tat scenario.

I would say to her you will definitely be invited to the evening but I need to check numbers before I confirm day. (Whilst discussing with others separately that they are invited. ) but ultimately I would invite her otherwise you look like the bad guy if you leave one out.

Look on the bright side, she’ll end up spending a lot more money on your wedding than you’ll be expected to spend on hers.

When it comes to wedding invites I have always viewed an evening only invite as a bonus. No sitting around bored and listening to boring speeches etc 😆😊

But so what, though? I mean, she seems to be correct in thinking you’d planned to invite the entire group, because it’s far more important to you than it is to her. I suppose it comes down to whether you choose not to invite her because she didn’t invite you?

Honestly, weddings are the best way to disown friends. I never spoke to my best friend again after my wedding after she turned up wearing regular toys and informed me on the day that she wasnt staying because her dad was waiting in the car. She had health issues so I invited her mum to support her in that but I guess she got offended that I didnt invite her dad. Who I barely knew. No other friends had parents in invited! Anyway, after 20 years of simmering, I can say that - if you like her and want to be friends with her then invite her. If her lack of concern towards you at her own wedding means that you no longer trust her then dont invite her but do so with the knowledge that you will not continue the friendship.

If you're inviting all of this group to yours for the day and evening then I would include her. Only one from the group is going to her wedding during the day and evening plus hen do so I don't see a problem with that. Maybe she and the groom have large families and lots of different friends groups so although it's a large venue they can still only have a certain number for the day.