To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

You can get DLA for kids under the age of 16 the poster has put PIP but you can’t get PIP. You can claim DLA no matter what the income. We earn more than you and claim DLA for our child, no EHCP, it pays for her specialist therapy and special interests.

You do not have a low income. Stop comparing yourself to others and enjoy what you have

The problem is not the salary, the problem is expectations. You cite a lot of "extras" your friends are able to afford as if a bigger house, extension and newer car has ever made anyone significantly happier. The funny thing about money is that your desires expand to fit whatever budget you have. If your husband earns 100k plus, you are suddenly no longer happy with your extension and new car, you want a bigger car, a swimming pool and a personal chef..
So, again, the issue is not the money.

I am sorry you are struggling - sounds like you have a lot on your plate and things are genuinely much more expensive now than they used to be. But I guess I don't know what you want your husband (or anyone else) to do about it? Do you expect your husband to retrain? Get a second job? Can you work evenings or weekends? Do you get everything your sons are entitled to? DLA? I would be pushing back hard on the school uniform - branded PE kit is nonsense, you could have kitted them out at a supermarket for £30.

Comparing against your very wealthy friends isn't helpful - they are in a different situation because of luck / connections / whatever but that has nothing to do with you and can't solve any of your struggles just now. Certainly £50K is more than most people around me will be earning. If it's a location issue can you do better elsewhere?

You cannot afford your current lifestyle.

If you can’t get more money, they you need to reduce your living costs.

Stop trying to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ when they are in a completely different category of wealth to you.

What is your net income pcm? What are your outgoings?
ETA ok, yes, you're being screwed on the school uniforms and PE kits, they're outrageous.
Any way of getting good quality 2nd hand school stuff?
Maybe you could economise in other ways to cope with the non-negotiable increases?

There is a big difference in having enough, which it sounds like you do because your wages pay for extras and living the dream.

If you have a home you can heat/cool, food in the fridge, private transport (in the form of a car or possibly two) you have a lot more than most people on the planet.

Being frustrated that your like is your life is normal from time to time but it helps if you can turn it around and see what you do have, a husband who doesn’t earn that low a salary, children (many don’t get the option or can’t afford even one), a home even if it is small.

If you want to feel the rich one then yes perhaps you need new friends.

If your children are teens then there’s no reason you can’t work more than 30 hours, certainly not while moaning about your DH’s wage.

School uniform really should not be costing you “hundreds of pounds every August”. A full uniform is required at the start of primary and secondary, other years it should be items as and when. Certainly no need for anything line hundreds a year.

The current uniform guidance for this year is that schools can only require 3 branded items, the rest had to be generic.

Is there no way to buy second hand? They don't make any allowances for, say, cheaper non branded uniform in the school colours?

I'd be tempted to put the kids in non branded stuff that's in the right colours and if they get excluded for it, go to the press.

Tbh you sound like the type of person to be dissatisfied regardless of husband/ family income. It must be very stressful being a keep-up- with the Joneses' type.

How much disposable income do you have after bills? Do you budget? I've been putting money aside for a few months for DS £300 uniform costs. Have you just let it all come at once?
Maybe you need a better handle on your money?

It’s so weird for the OP to basically say her husband’s salary is to pay the bills and hers is for extras. Surely all income goes into the pot and expenses, savings, fun money is allocated accordingly.

People earning above NMW are allowed to be disappointed. I'm on 56k, a qualified accountant and 55 years old. Main earner. Are we really not supposed to aspire to anything but just be grateful we exist? Wages as a percentage of the economy has tanked while earnings get extracted to private equity

Your 30 hours (even on min wage) + 56K of DH is more than 100K of a sole earner due to personal allowance
YABU

Where I live that is a good salary. I appreciate if you are in London it wouldn't be. Can you downsize? Change your cars?

It's irrelevant if others earn the same without knowing your outgoings. To some people that's a perfectly adequate amount.
Are you entitled to any benefits if you're unable to work more due to children with disabilities?
Could you move to a less expensive area? How much is your mortgage etc?

I wouldn't necessarily call this a low salary but I do think I'd struggle in your circumstances to be honest. Cost of living is pretty high in the South East.

You can get DLA if your child has needs above and beyond an average child of the same age. Doesn't matter if you work.

I think its a good wage though and it not on your husband. It's on the family unit.

Look into DLA. We got it for my youngest who has autism. It isn’t means tested. Looking online for 2 minutes will inform you of that.

Mine earns minum wage as a labourer.

YABU and tone deaf. £56k may not pay for all you want but it is not a low salary. Go and get a better job yourself if you want more money. I’ll be furious if my sons end up with someone like you that just sees them as a meal ticket.

Do you want actual advice? If so you’ll need to give more details. There’s often great suggestions on money threads about reducing costs, increasing earnings, benefit entitlement. If you’re not even claiming child benefit and you’re permanently in the red but also spending a whole salary on “extras” it’s likely there are some relatively simple things you could do to improve your finances. Also if dc are limiting your work options there might be people in similar situations with advice on what support is available to maybe give you some time back.

Without any details it’s hard to give this kind of advice that might actually improve your situation, and it leaves only the surface-level reading. Unfortunately it does then come across a bit silly and entitled, even if that’s not the truth of the situation.

Jealousy will get you nowhere

Comparison is the thief of joy, OP. Your friends may be richer, but I’m sure you realise your household income is above average. The median UK salary is below £40,000, I’ve just looked it up. DH and I have never earned your kind of income, and we enjoy a comfortable and active life.

I’m sorry your career progression has been stalled by your children’s SEN, and I sympathise if their needs use up a lot of your income.

But I really do advise you to get out of debt as fast as you can. Can you look at your household spending and weed out what you don’t need? Being in debt is depressing and destabilising, and on your income I hope you can budget your way out of it.