To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

This is such a common view on MN and I really don’t understand it!

There was a thread about a women who refused to be with a man who earned under a certain amount because she wanted her future DCs to have a parent who works hard - but she earned minimum wage and had no plans of trying to improve even though she was childless.

I assumed all the posters would think she was batshit but so many agreed with her and said they felt the same!

I will never understand the mindset that it’s important for a man to earn a certain amount but not a woman.

OP have you ever heard the phrase comparison is the thief of joy?

I don’t live in the SE and appreciate it is expensive but the wages can also be higher. That is a decent salary. So what if your acquaintances have extensions etc. those are nice to haves and not essentials

People I know could only dream of that sort of salary and are barely surviving, not worrying about being able to have the fancier things in life

The salary won’t go as far as you’d expect, so I understand why it might feel difficult. BUT you are being unreasonable for expecting your husband to be the main earner. You have to focus on your own potential achievements, and consider if your earning power is more, your husband could help more with childcare.

I’m the main earner in my household, and while it would be nice if husband earned more, I only focus on my own potential, as you can’t moan if you don’t put the work in yourself!

I earn just less than that and am a single parent. I worked job share on half that sakary until a few years ago. I own my own home, brought up 2 children and yes we have holidays. I do drive an old car because it gets me from A to B and what it looks like doesn’t matter. We are happy. We also don’t live in London. Maybe you should consider moving elsewhere if your joint income doesn’t meet your lifestyle expectations. Your husband is supposed to be the man you love for better or worse, not a cash cow.

OP you need better friends. Either ones in the same income bracket as you or ones that have enough class not to rub their income/lifestyle in your face.

Also you can claim DLA for DC with SEND even if you both work.

If you think your earning power could be greater than DHs, could he go part time with DC and you go for a full time promotion?

I think you are massively unreasonable to just be pointing the blame at him, and not looking at your own earning ability.

It’s a decent salary, he’s not doing anything ‘wrong’.

If your kids are teens you really should be able to work more than 30 hours a week. Or, you could look for better paid work?

Its not obligatory for the man to be the breadwinner…

Thanks for posting this, Purplebunnie. Very useful information for a lot of Mumsnetters.

I’m wondering if someone at OP’s school is making money from the deal with the pricy uniform supplier.

Two choices - leave him and find some rich dude to give you the life you want, or up your hours and you find a better job that equals his pay or more. Either way - you sound like the type of person that will never be happy. Buy second hand uniforms. Batch cook. Buy only supermarket brand - lidl or aldi. Public transport. Move to a smaller house, change schools so its closer. Jesus -so much you can do, but you just want to slag off your husbands perceived low salary. Do you know how many people on here earn significantly less than him and you? Read the room.

Get him to drop to 30 hours he can care for the kids. You pursue your plans for career progression which were severely thwarted ??

Aspire, yes. But I would bet you won't be happy if your spouse posts about YOU personally needing to earn more in order to finance their preferred lifestyle. If I want something, my first port of call is to think how I can leverage my skills or acquire new ones in order to improve my earning potential. I don't outsource it to my partner to figure out how to make me more financially secure.

Law changed Sept 2026 and schools can only insist on 3 branded /logo items or 4 if including a tie so return what you bought extra @HumphreysGang

if you children have high sen that you can’t work extra hours then you will be entitled to dla and careers allowance etc

so check benefit sites

you say your money pays for extras - but always in the red with dh salary

list all your bills and sure someone will be able to reduce them

mortgage extend the term. Lower the payment and overpay even kids are older and you can work more hours

There is a vast difference between ‘living the dream’ and ‘struggling to death’.
The middle ground is where most are. Getting by on what they have.
Life is not fair. There will always be people who have more than you. Even if you were ‘living the dream’.
Buy different food, have a less fancy car, use less, buy less.
There are people who have much less than you do. As much as there are those who have more.
And please do not over exaggerate. You are not struggling to death.

DH earns more per hour than me so not point switching.

in that case, what everyone is trying to point out, is how dare you berate him for not earning enough?!? He earns more per hour than you do! It is him that should be upset by your lack of earning, not you! Your post is so so sexist, it’s unreal.

im sorry to hear about your costs, and I expect your post is off the back of new uniform time, but are they twins going in to year 7? That’s all I can think of of why you would need to buy blazers (plural) every year. My kids got new in year 7, far too big as is standard, and then that was it. New shirts from M&S thereafter, and second hand uniform if they needed anything else. That’s really standard.

your dc are teenagers you say, it’s quite a luxury to be working part time by now.

Why don’t you retrain in a higher paying sector? You aren’t doing too badly if your earnings pay for “ extras” It’s not your husbands job alone to “ provide for the family” How would you feel if he posted a similar thread about how you earn so little??

Get real OP, people can and do survive on far less. Cut your cloth, claim DLA/ PIP for the kids?

Our income is low, we live in an affordable area, I’m medically retired due to cancer. Be grateful you have your health!!

I don’t think your husbands salary is the issue, it’s that your ability to earn well is impacted by your children’s needs.

It's not the 1950s any more
Get off your arse and earn more if you're not happy with your lifestyle
Your earning potential is the problem here not your DH who's on a good wage

Good lord op I am on a single salary of around 35k in the SE with 2 kids and an ex husband who doesn’t pay maintenance, I do get a small amount of UC and of course CB but that doesn’t go anywhere near your joint salaries. Count your lucky stars for what you have, if you are struggling then look for ways to cut your cloth

This made me laugh. That's a good salary and you sound so dismissive of him.

You seem a bit focussed on what your DH earns when you clearly earn less - I'd focus on improving your own earnings first.

Men and women have had equal educational opportunities for a long time in the UK yet women continue to refuse to see themselves as capable of providing financially. It drives me nuts!

Your husband earns well above the median salary.

However, here are your options:

A) go full time yourself
B) stop comparing yourself to friends with higher earning husbands and stop complaining
C) divorce him and try and find a higher earning husband

But PIP/DLA are not means tested - so you need to look into what you can get for your SEN child

Are you maximising cash back sites for all your purchases? And cash back credit card?

OP I haven’t seen anywhere that you have disclosed your own salary? You seem so focused on what your husband earns and considering you both work I find this unusual, do you blame him for a lot?

I thought 'I'd heard something so googled. Your Head is wrong

The Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Act 2026 (formerly the Bill) introduces statutory limits on branded school uniform items in England, effective from September 2026. Schools are restricted to requiring a maximum of three branded items (such as a blazer, jumper, or sportswear) plus a tie for secondary schools; all other uniform pieces must be generic and available from high-street retailers.

Someone correct me if I have got this wrong

Wow ..... bragging much

But how can you complain about his lack of earning power when your own is even less? Surely if he isn't capable of earning more but you are, then you should be the main breadwinner and he should take on more of the responsibility for the kids?