To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

I get it. We got on the housing ladder stupidly late, and have a ginormous mortgage on a normal 3 bed house. Im 53 and my husband is 49. He's the main wage earner, and it’s been really difficult to get him to understand that we won’t pay this off until he's 78 and I’m 83 unless he gets another job that pays better. Which he could do easily. Nevertheless we have to move somewhere outside of the south east within 5 years. With two kids, one in uni and one about to go, I’d like to be able to put money aside to help them get on the housing ladder too… My career stalled when I had kids, and my earning power now is minuscule compared to his. It’s rotten that so much depends in him, it’s a lot of pressure. But it is what it is, there’s no point in saying otherwise.

The uniform requirement is illegal. Message your local mp about it, also speak to chair of governors & pta. Only allowed 3 logo items now.

So again -

Income from both is .... how much?

Outgoings are ...
Mortgage
Bills
Food
Phones / Internet / entertainment
Car costs
etc

I know this is bait but I'll bite.

DH earns £30k. I can't work because I'm disabled. I don't claim any benefits - I tried to claim pip a few years ago but was told that having rheumatoid arthritis which means I can barely walk some days, always in pain and living with horrendous side effects of medication doesn't make me eligible. So it's just his salary.

Tbf it's not a bad wage where we are. We can afford the odd treat but we have never been on holiday, Christmas is a bit blah, never be able to buy a home and him learning to drive is a pipe dream. In our 50s so things aren't likely to change. It was tough when DS was little but he's doing brilliantly, went to uni and is now a vet. So we must have done something right!

The future is scary, we can't afford to pay into pensions or anything and I haven't been able to work since 2000 so no state pension for me. And no savings.

But day to day, we're happy. We have each other and I don't compare myself to anyone else, which helps.

Am confused about how your salary is for extras but you end up in the red? If you cut the extras and both salaries were spent on essentials would you still end up in the red each month?
Is your inability to earn more because you can’t spare any more hours or don’t have the mental bandwidth to deal with a more demanding/well paid role?
If you are living beyond your combined income you need to either increase what is coming in or reduce what is going out. You need to be on top of where every penny goes to identify savings.
You cannot live the same lifestyle as higher earning friends without going into debt and adding stress.

You’re trolling right?

I think it is OPs tone deafness to the plight of others on much lower incomes that is grating. "Struggling to death" must surely win an award for hyperbole.

wind up thread🤔

Most schools have second unform sold through PTFA or similar.
Ive just kitted one out for secondary and 1/2 of it was through the second hand uniform shop.
When my older one was heading to a different secondary there wasn’t a ptfa uniform shop but I got some things via a local Facebook page so I definitely think second hand is the way to go

OP is in the SE. That income would make it hard to live there.

Many people earn less than you do as a family. Decide what's best for you and take action. If you don't act, stop moaning. It's as simple as that.

I'd suggest you relocate where property etc is less expensive. Yes it's upheaval but your standard of living would be much better.

Not sure why you're blaming your husband's earning power and ignoring your own. Because you have three options.
Leave him and hope to find a higher earning man to give you a wealthier lifestyle.
Change your life so you can manage on a lower salary, stop worrying about keeping up with the Joneses, consider a cheaper area.
Improve your own career so you can pay for the lifestyle you want yourself.

OP isn't aspiring to anything though. She's disappointed because her husband isn't meeting her aspirations.

No me neither, I can’t get my head round it. The op seems to think it’s totally fine for her to just earn and pay for extras and somehow it’s his job to earn the money to pay for them, it’s insane.

Mumsnet has made me feel very demoralised this morning. First I read the thread where people visited a supposed friend's house and judged them on the basis of their food value (the beige, Iceland buffet), and now someone complaining about earning 'as low' as this salary that's well above mine. I can't remember when I last felt so inadequate before 11am 😬!

Why do you earn so little? I work 30hrs a week and bring home 25k. I have no degree. Gcses and a levels only.

Ok, you need to help me understand why he’s the issue when you’re the low earner, otherwise it’s like we teleported back to the 1950s. If you want more earn it.

Comparison is the thief of joy as my mum used to say. Get yourself some poorer friends and you will feel better about life! My DH earns 32k but our broader life feels rich and he is a decent man.

Op - are you putting your income in the pot for the bills? From what you’ve written, it seems your expectation is that he pays the bills, which his salary can’t afford, and you pay the extras. That isn’t how it should work. You both put your income in the pot, all bills are paid first, then any left over is for the extras.

I'm so sorry that you're poor 😢

What?

You're not aone but it's not bad and in time you'll be better off, that's just how it goes for most of us. As long as you get by and can manage a few simple pleasures, you'll be OK but I do remember how demoralising it is when you are going through it, counting every penny and forever in the red.

What is your house like? I know youngish familes who live in tiny places because that is all they can afford. The mortgage rates and fuel bills went up alarmingly nearly three years ago and that caused great hardship. However they survive somehow and still have some fun.

I'm in scotland, my kids school uniform comes from ASDA, 2 pinafores or trousers for £10, pack of 5 shorts, pack of 5 polo shirts, pack of 5 jumpers. Cardigans in packs of 2.

You live an expensive lifestyle.

I earn £15000 per year and pay my rent, council tax, pet insurance, some credit bills, transport and food out of that.

My partner earns more but also pays bills out that.

We're not on 56k combined and we're in the SE too.

No top ups.

It’s because they can’t actually be bothered to put the work in.

Some women like the idea they will be looked after, and why not I suppose it’s easy.

Schools are only allowed a certain amount of logo items now. If it doesnt fit with the guidelines (which are online) then buy plain same coloured items from the supermarket. Does your school not have second hand sales? Write to your MP about the school if they are breaking the logo item rules.