To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

You have to live within your means. Your means are less, so you need to adjust your expectations. What other people's husbands earn is irrelevant.

I would be happy if my DH managed to earn 35K tbh. But knowing that he will not bring in any significant amount of money, and knowing that my income fluctuates as a freelancer and we therefore can't guarantee having money spare, we bought the house that was the cheapest option whilst giving us enough space/being close enough to work options. We moved out of London because we couldn't afford to buy a house there.

Do I wish we earned more? Yes. We haven't had a holiday ever really, and we don't have much for luxuries. I also have friends earning 100K+ each and I have to make it a conscious practise not to compare.

However, they've chosen their path and I've chosen mine.

My DH earns nearly half that and we live off his income alone... His wage is not the issue.

So…I believe 90% of posts on mumsnet are either…
fake
lies
wind ups
lazy research for uni work
bored people with nothing better to do
looking for confirmation that their mil is bat shit crazy

the only ones I think are genuine are the ones asking what shoes to wear with a certain dress

i think I’m must be one of the bored people!

Why doesn't your husband look after your disabled child and you work if you think his earning potential is so low surely you must be able to earn more in a lucrative career? 56k isn't a "low salary" but yes it doesn't go far at the moment, particularly in the SE. If your husband has hit the ceiling for his job you should look to return ft and look for a higher paid job, if he looks after your child you can direct your time and energy at your career, grabbing that 100k salary you desire for a better lifestyle.

Why do people moan about having no money but live in the most expensive area in the country? It's not like this is a new thing. SE and London have always been more expensive than anywhere else.
My DH earns around 35k. We are a single income household with 3 children (we live in the SW). I can't work as two of my children have SEN and one isn't able to attend school more than 3 hours a day and we live on that. We budget and if we can't afford something we don't buy it.
Surely your children get PIP or DLA? Do you get carers allowance? I thought you could claim that even if you were working because it's based on how many hours you care for your child but that may have changed.
Is there any chance of moving out of SE? Looking at a different school that doesn't insist on logo uniform? Or do you or DH have a hobby you can make money from?

you sound utterly ghastly describing your husband salary as “ honestly it’s no money at all”

Oh come on…

I earn less than this in a (highly qualified) professional role. DH earns more in a skilled tradesman role. I get it, the SE is fucking expensive and even on £120k+ gross income things aren’t always a walk in the park.

But why is DH’s salary your issue? Why not the cost of living? Your own income?

Print out a bank statement for the last year and see where you can make cuts. We have a lower income than most of our friends but very little difference in lifestyles. We plan and budget everything really well, have no debts and invest wisely.

I like the way everyone in the SE supposedly earns over £100 !
All those junior staff in the public sector, all the pensioners who worked in ordinary jobs. All the staff working on farms.
They don’t. Never have.
There are people who do ‘earn’ that much and do live there. But by no means do all the people who live there earn that amount of money.
Ditto other corners of the UK.

I know school uniform is only part of your expenses, but worth having a chat with the school. I mentioned I was concerned about the cost of uniform and was told they have a roomful of second hand clothes I was welcome to go through. Also, I found there was actually some flexibility on certain items.

Admittedly you're paying £95pm more Council tax than we are, but maybe you're running a lot bigger house. A breakdown of your costs might be helpful, as many are saying you should be able to live on what you're earning, but maybe there are things going on that we don't realise.

Does the phrase 'cut your cloth' mean anything to you?
That is a very good salary so the problem is your outgoings not your incomings.

The increase in costs has really made some people struggle. If your wages are used for extras or whatever phrase you used, and you still have money for the extras, that’s not really struggling.

Just dont buy the branded uniform that is madness.
300pcm council tax, what band is the house? If higher than C you can move to a band A or B you know. Victorian houses are often much lower bands than the equivalent size house built more recently.

Just downsizing in general might be the way to look at things.
For eg
Lower c tax band house (long term not realistic in short term)
Budget food shop lidl batch cook freezer meals, no ready made food of any kind, no take aways or meals out
Get the odd dvd off the market for a quid, cancel all streaming services / sky etc.
Agressively shop around using MSE for internet and phone deals, go sim only, no handset loans. To replace phones get amazon used.
School uniform as stated, second hand or unbranded cheap stuff.
No new clothes or shoes unless absolutely necessary.
Dont throw out old stuff, agressively sell on vinted for low prices so it actually sells. Declutter and sell things as much as you can.
On and on it goes.
Boring AF but its the way to go. Build new habits. Set yourself the challenge of a no spend week, no spend month, enjoy taking your power back!
Over time the financial pressures will reduce and you will start feeling like you can actually live your life.
Ignore the people saying the income is enough, its not, the only way to make it enough is to cut lifestyle massively, for a long time, and then build back up from there.

Apart from on Mumsnet, where pretty much everyone is earning 6 figures. Apart from me, obviously.

My husband earns similar but a bit less than this. I work very part time because I'm a carer for our disabled kid . We live in the SE. We're doing just fine. We have a very old car and we don't get to go holiday much, but couldn't with our son anyway. But we have enough. We live to our means and I consider ourselves lucky that we don't have to stress about every bill. I know plenty of people who do.
Stop comparing yourselves to others and enjoy what you do have.

Is your husband self-employed or part-time? Surely that salary, if full-time, is below NMW?

Hahahaha oh you poor soul!

My husband earns £34.5k and I earn £35k, and guess what….we have 3-4 abroad holidays a year, have a 4bed house, both drive cars and have a great life with our two young kids. The difference with us is that we live within our means and don’t try and compare ourselves to our friends. I have friends on over £100k and they have less holidays, less days out, seem more stressed out BUT they live in immaculate homes and drive brand new cars and will only shop at Waitrose and have to keep up appearances. I couldn’t care less what people think about me because I’m not in competition with anyone. The only people I’m trying to impress are my kids and creating a childhood that will be rememberable.

How about stop focusing on the amount your husband earns and keeping up with your friends and instead realise that your husband earns a good salary and your expectations are set too high. 🙄

Why ia the answer to a woman wanting a better lifestyle for the man to earn more?

OP even if your husbands salary is all taken up by bills then yours is at least £1500 a month spare, you would of been absolutely fine buying the school uniform if you manage your money.
It really does seem like you have the same as most normal people but you're trying to pretend to be like your 100k friends.

Surround yourself with different friends, on average income or thereabouts, and you'll see how lucky you are
If you're struggling on £50k+ are you possibly overspending on trying to keep up with your £100k+ friends?

If it is a few years since you tried to claim pip would it be worth another try. If you do get help in completing the form from something like CAB.

You could swap and earn more, relocate to a cheaper area or find better friends

I do struggle slightly with my DH earning 20k a year but he's happy and fulfilled. Our joint income is slightly over your husband's. We hang out with teachers mainly so none of us have foreign holidays, we cook for each other so don't eat out. Our quality of life is good.

I’d try PIP again.
Also did you claim CB ? That gives you NI credits.

Hyperbole aside, I can understand the point OP was putting across albeit it was very clumsily put. Cost of living increases effect everyone, and when you are surrounded by people who are on much higher salaries, it puts a spotlight on your own circumstances and makes it feel a lot worse.

Obviously if we step back and look at the big picture, OP and her DH have a decent household income. It may not be fantastic for the SE in more affluent areas, but it is still decent. Housing costs are the main killer, but it is a personal choice at the end of the day.

Sounds like OP was having a bad day and wanted a vent, but just didn’t choose her words well. Yes, we could say ‘well why don’t you just look to increase your income instead of slagging off your DH etc’ and while true, I think this poster isn’t really looking for solutions, as there are not any easy ones.

Best thing has already been said- comparison is the thief of joy. Work with what you have and budget. Feels crap if you’ve lived relatively freely before on the same salaries, but it’s just the reality of life.

You are entitled to child benefit.
You can still claim disability benefits for your dc, assuming their level of disability qualifies.