To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

Your title should be: DH and my low salaries. Why are you exempt? My DH earns about what your does, I earn more. If it’s that important to you, do something about changing it.

That's a huge salary in my sector! I'm on around £30k and I've been working in this sector since leaving uni about 2 decades ago. My DH is on a bit more and has the opportunity to get bonuses and overtime. Our household income is under £70k with both of us working full time. Yes, we've got some friends who earn shedloads more than us but we've got others who earn similar to us or just a bit more.

Would I like more and better holidays? yes. Nicer things? yes. A bigger house in an area closer to our family and friends? sure. But do we have a safe and decent home? Also yes. Have our kids had an excellent free primary school near our house? yes. Do we still get to go away on trips and have meals out for treats? Absolutely. Is our life an embarrassment of riches compared to my DH's upbringing? hell yes.

It's all about living within our means. We choose to live in a cheap house because it means not all our money goes on the mortgage. I've got mates who earn more who bought at the very top end of what they can afford and they say no to girls trips away and meals out all the time because they've not got any fun money at the end of the mortgage and bills.

So yeah, I think you're being unreasonable to compare yourselves with couples in the 6 figure land in a country with an average and mean wage of around £40k.

I think you're unreasonable to expect your husband to be earning more if he's reached a ceiling in his sector. Have you always known that was a sector he'd work in? I've always worked in the third sector and my husband knows that my work's important to my passions and value system and that's more important to him than my earning potential. He also looks at some of our wealthier mates and says he'd not trade in his job for theirs, he's got responsibilities and his career has progressed well but he's still got good work life balance compared to our wealthier mates who are answering work calls on their fancy holidays and working in their evenings.

Please tell me this is a joke.

I accidentally voted yanbu - when i 100% think yabu. Yabvu in fact.

Why dont you pop our and get a £100k a year job and your husband can swap places with you if its that easy?

Poor guy!!

It's not a 'low' salary, but I live in the SE so all things are relative.
School uniform - check that the school are following the new rules about how many branded items can be compulsory
Check your outgoings - where is the money going ? The priority bills might not be able to change, but check your internet, mobile phone etc carefully.
Don't compare yourself to other people, instead work out where the money is going and reassess.
My husband and I earn earn roughly the same salary as your husband combined. We're looking at whether we can downsize (renting) as we are able to do that
Obviously the children with SEN makes it more complicated but you can still look at what's being spent on phones, internet, food bills, lunches etc as it all adds up extremely quickly

Average ft wage in the UK is 38k. So yes, most people earn less than your DH.

My DH earns about 18k pa. Get a grip.

Sorry you could be right. I was picking up on other posters who all appeared to know OP earned £10K so it seems she never posted that.

However, if she does work 30 hours a week, which is almost full time, why doesn't she say what her earnings are and their combined income?

That would be much more than what her H earns, plus child benefit for 2 kids.
So their joint income must surely be well over £80k?
30 hours on the minimum wage is around £20K

Whilst I agree with some of your suggestions, surely the moving house to a Victorian house isn’t serious?! Save yourself £100 a month council tax but pay £25,000 to move (solicitors, estate agents, moving costs, stamp duty). Let alone the increased upkeep costs of an old property!

And yes I work. 30 hours a week. My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red). He'll never earn more as he's at top of his salary point. Nor will I due to our SEN DC and their needs which have severely thwarted my previous plans for career progression.

Not surely it’s all down to your DH? Why don’t you swap and he can work 30 hours (changing to work that is aligned with your current salary point if necessary), and this will free you up to progress, work longer hours and earn what you feel he is lacking?

I'm a single mum of 3 (1 with Sen) I earn less than your family. We manage fine.
I have a mortgage and a car and 2 teen boys that eat a lot.

I think you need to look at budgeting better!

Is the salary the issue or do you live to your means? Could you cut back in places? Do you have debt, do you have cars on finance?

could you put some child benefit money away each month to create a pot for school uniform the following year? It is expensive I agree.

Agreed, there's no way someone who is really struggling and have disabled children haven't looked into disability benefits with a fine toothed comb.

DLA isnt means tested it goes off your child's needs and your husband is below the threshold for child benefit so you must receive that, which is a couple of grand for 2 children. If your child is so disabled you are part-time I'm sure you should be claiming disability allowance for them too.

Do you not get DLA and carers allowance for your child with special needs?

£56k per year won't go very far in the south east

I earn less than that and am the sole breadwinner - I'd be delighted if my DH "only" earned £56k

I don't think she said she earns £10k? On 30 hours I think that would be pretty far below minimum wage.

Many schools offer 2nd hand uniform sales.

What is the SEN your child has?
How does that impact on your career?
Do they need care out of school hours?
Do they attend school full time and main stream school?

SEN can mean anything from dyslexia (as an example) to severe physical or cognitive issues.

@HumphreysGangYou need to look into your actual benefit entitlement. One of my friends has a child with SEN and they get a decent amount of support for that child’s extra expenses despite a very very high family income.

It’s not true at all that people who work don’t get benefit entitlement and the fact that you’ve said this makes me think that some parts of your post are embellished.

You frame your post in terms of complaining about your DH's earning capacity, but that just sounds ungrateful to a man who earns a reasonable salary by anyone's measure and is probably busting a gut every day for his family. Complain about something else if you want support - your own career not going the way you wanted, the lack of support for SEN children, etc.

But he's probably doing his best and it doesn't bode well for your marriage that you blame him for not being better off.
You're in it together and everyone has to pull their weight as best they are able.

I don't think she's coming back, maybe gone to find herself a better job...

Mate, most of the country’s DHs earn less than that. My DH only earns £5k more. I earn about £50k (self employed so fluctuates) and together our joint income puts us in the top 12 per cent of earners in the country.

I usually hate this expression but you absolutely do need to “give your head a wobble”

OP's husband thread
"Anyone's wife earning as little as xyz, what she earns is only enought for little extras which leaves me as the main breadwinner".

I've only read your posts but if you are working 30 hours a week and only earning £10K it sounds as if you might need to upskill.
What work do you do? Is it minimum wage?
Can you envisage improving this by getting more qualifications?

Your combined income is roughly twice the median salary- median is around £35K, some put it £32K.

So it sounds as if you need to rein your spending a bit and maybe you're overstretched on a loans, whatever.

Very few people earn £100K+- it's the top 10% of workers. So your friends are part of that small group.

Maybe you would get more help here is you set out your outgoings and asked for advice on cutting back?

Can you list your monthly outgoings?
Mortgage
Council tax
Utilities
car/ fuel
food
insurances
subscriptions
leisure
clothes
etc.