To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

Did you know your DH earning capacity was capped at mid 50k @HumphreysGang ? When I was dating, I would purposely exclude men who were low earners or little above NMW as they wouldn’t be able to provide the life that I was already providing for myself !!

You can try and earn a 100k plus job and all the stress that comes with it and your husband works a 30hr per week role.

My cousins wife is just like you, demanding he gets a better paid job for a large extension , yet unable to get a better paid job herself. It really grates me!!

Alternatively, you could get a new high value , DH ?

@HumphreysGang you have invited a third 'person' into your marriage, resentment.

Unless there's a massive backstory with your husband blowing the budget each month on gambling/porn/alcohol etc., then honestly, I'd be content that you have a dh who is earning well and working full time so that you could as a team decide that you'd work less, and be grateful for what you have.

Be interesting to hear what you are earing OP so a combined income could be known. I am on similar to your DH but no children and thriving in SE London, my own home and one car. Maybe I might struggle if I had children but if i had another income coming in I am not sure that I would as the additional income would cover majority of the additional costs.

Just on the topic of the uniform. See if there are second hand sales.

I’m in the SE and earn 73k and yes i’m not poor by any means, but single income and doesn’t go a long way in SE. Thankfully only 1 DC remain at home (and expensive dog) but I am relocating to north west in a few weeks. 5k less salary, but overall a lot better off.

No it's me, the woman who is on less than that

rules on uniform changed so challenge that with the school - no more than 3 logo items - needs to be a generic alternative accepted

2 cars is excessive - i don't know anyone where i live with 2 cars - we all share one car and use public transport - is there no way to manage without that second car at all??

we earn about 100k in london and only got a car recently for camping holidays and getting out of town on the weekends

It's a shock how expensive it is tbh and we are alrady thinking of gettin rid

Depending on where you live it really is. We live in the SE and when our combined salary was 55k we genuinely struggled. Rent on a 2 bed house was 1.6 k a month, then bills, groceries, commuting to London costs a fortune even when they take it out of your wages. The kids shared a room, we didn’t take holidays or anything. This is one of the reasons why I want to move back up North

Happy to help

School uniforms have always been money maker, even back in the '60s when I went to secondary school. Our uniform had to come from a local shop that sold uniforms for all the secondary schools - we had green blouses for goodness sake so they couldn't be sourced elsewhere! But I think the quality of clothes was better then. My blazer was 2nd hand, lasted until I left at 16 to go to college and was sold on. My skirt was bought long and again lasted until I left.

I used to get used school uniforms at PTA sales. They were literally pence. Also check next door and Facebook and all that for people giving away old uniforms.

My DH has 35 years in publishing, yet "only" earns £42k. He's certainly worth at least what your DH earns, but the way AI is taking over the world, he's always worrying about what might happen if he was made redundant.

I'm on less than minimum wage as a part time freelance copywriter, so our income is by no means high, and combined less than your DH.

He is very fortunate to have more than the average salary.

If you aren't entitled to child benefit then the two of you together must be earning a lot?

Some people have beautiful homes but are drowning in debt. You can't judge happiness by the size of a house or the brand of a car. They aren't going to tell you if they're struggling. They just keep on going like you're doing, OP.

Assuming they're not struggling, though, it has no bearing on your life.

Is he able to move to a new job for a higher wage? A different area? Are you able to find a new job with a different wage and similar hours?

What have you considered doing as a solution?

That would be my focus.

Wow I thought you would be moaning about DH on minimum wage! That is what I earn, my DH earns a far less , also in SE with one SEN child and another. We've had two holidays this and have enough left to save £500-£800 per month.

Maybe you need to move to a cheaper bit of the SE if you can't manage. Look at DLA , it's not means tested, and you will be entitled to child benefit. You need to stop comparing yourself to other people, you will never be happy with that approach. Aren't there other things you and your family members have done that you can be proud of , that aren't financial?

How disabled is your child? Claim DLA if it is needed. Sorry I misread and you do have a SEN child.

You only have to have 3 items of uniform with a logo, 4 if it's a senior school which has a tie. Still expensive but not as bad as it was.

I don't consider myself "struggling" and I earn less than your DH. I also don't know anyone who earns £100k, so maybe I'm mixing in the wrong circles. On balance, I think I'm happy where I am!!!

So you earn together more like £80,000 plus? Your OP is misleading. That isn't too bad.

DLA isn't means tested FYI

Your living beyond your means !
Simple the story as old of time !
I don't understand all the keeping up with Jones
What has happened to starting of in a modest house and working yourself up the ladder or just be content with a small mortgage that u can manage on your income same with cars and most stuff everyone seems to just want the best biggest shiniest things it's so materialistic!
Happy people not bothered by this stuff !
Most people that are living in the red will never be happy with their lot !

As an aside, an average salary - when in one part of the country £X will buy you a mansion and in another part a grotty studio flat - is fairly meaningless. There could be a £5k monthly disparity between the mortgage on the exact same sized house in two different parts of country.

Lots of people earn less, including my dh.

My DH earns around 30k. I earn fractionally less. We're in the SW though.

I don't think your dh's salary is that low at all but everything's relative. Sounds like you're mixing with people significantly better off than you. Happens to us all and yes it can be difficult but you get used to it. All you can do is work as a team with the resources you have.

ETA: just read your update. Sounds like time to relocate, this isn't sustainable.

Time to relocate?

That's more than me and DH earn, both working full-time 🙃