To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

You can’t compare the average wage with incomes in the SE. House prices are several times higher in much of London to many parts of the UK. If you can buy a house for £200k on a £50k salary that’s very different from it costing £600-800k.

My partner earns nothing, I work and we are on UC with a child with SEN. We have around 2500-3000 a month to live off and make it work, our rent is 1000. Struggling to death! You need to go and live in someone else's shoes.

Saw another thread the other day about not being able to afford to live comfortably wanting abroad holidays, a meal out a week etc. People need to stop comparing themselves to others.

We manage to eat out maybe once a month, do 2-3 cheap UK breaks a year and have a lovely time together! Do I sometimes wish we could afford more? Yes, but my son is happy and thriving and that is all that matters

Child benefit is not an out of work benefit and your DH isn’t over the threshold. Surely if your children’s Sen is so severe that it’s still limiting your ability to work they must be eligible for DLA, which again is not linked to working.

She should get her ‘ducks in a row’ and divorce him!!

This was my thought too.

OP why is your salary for extras if you're in the red all the time and his money doesnt cover the bills? Pay your essentials first, live within your means. Stop comparing youre life to others.

I live alone and manage on a salary much less than your husband's.

!!!! we earn £35k each, its not amazing obviously more would be welcome, however we are careful, live in a small house not to overstretch ourself on the mortgage, don't have new cars, careful with our food shop, don't have sky/virgin but do swap around with Netflix etc. Don't have the latest phones. We can afford some nice treats each year, usually a week abroad maybe on a Greek island, a few luxury UK city breaks. I feel quite privileged

Yes it’s not much to support a family in the SE .

My DH used to earn similar and I worked full time in a minimum wage role...we live in London very comfortably... although no we aren't on endless holidays and building 100k extensions.

Your post is quite mean op...your DH works, you work, surely you're a team?

Goady post.

Of course YANBU.

He sounds completely worthless. Everyone knows the measure of a persons character and they’re value is in their salary alone 🙄

I hope this post is a joke, and if not, if either of my dds wrote such a post I would be thoroughly ashamed.

why is this on your husband, not you? That is outrageously sexist.

if you want more money, and your husbands at the top end of his skills, then the obvious answer is to swap roles. You can be the breadwinner, he can work part time.

a man should never be your plan for money.

If you are dissatisfied with your current household income, you need to maximise your own earning potential to change things. Can you work more hours? - if you can’t work full time during the day can you pick up evening shifts in a second job? Can you look for a different job that pays more?

You definitely can’t whinge about your husband’s income if you are not matching or exceeding it!

Read the room OP

Comparison is the thief of joy.

And you are financially very fortunate compared to many in the UK.

Oh come on! £56 000 is not low.
My DH earns £43 000. I work as well but earn half that. It is difficult at times but the children really don't want for nothing. It depends on the lifestyle you are hoping for.
You might want to get a better paid job for yourself if you feel you need more money.

My husband earns around that, I earn more. I also have a DC with SEN. Take control of your own financial position

“The love of money is the root for all kinds of evil.”

If you use the lense of one single salary.....

If he is making 56k and you are making 10k (?) Which you currently pay no tax on.... to bring in the same net income his adjusted salary would be equivalent to about £73k gross as a single earner.

Your child has SEN so some rough assumptions here....thanks chatgpt

The benefits would be approximately:

Child Benefit: £1,407/year
Child DLA middle care: £3,988/year
Maximum PIP: £10,119/year

Total benefits: ~£15,514/year

Adding that to the 73k ... the same single earner has an equivalen adjusted salary £98,862
Meaning your household likely has equivalent net income to a HH where the wife is SAMH and the husband is touching 100k pa gross

Might be worth reviewing your household budget to ensure you are prioritising spending in areas that matter to you.

Plenty of people earn less than that. Adjust your expectations.

Yeah my DH earns half that and we get on alright. Yes we can't afford a luxurious lifestyle like your mates but we are comfortable and that's good for us.

I earn that as a female. You should try and earn more, instead of being down on your DH. If you earn the same amount you will have your desired household income (and maybe you will appreciate more what it takes to earn this salary).

My money pays for extras. His is the main income to cover the major costs (except it doesn't and we are permanently in the red).

How does this work?
Surely you cant pay for extras until main costs are covered?

And what do you mean by extras?

If you post your family take home and outgoing here, someone will be able to help