To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

Hahahahahaha

Needed a good laugh this morning OP. Thanks!;

How much do you earn?
do you budget?
why doesn’t your wage also pay the bills and any left over is for extras?
could you earn more / get a second job?

my dh earns 60k. I earn 26k. We pay all bills and extras. Apart from big spend month (like December) where we may have to take out of savings. Most months we save between 250-1k. We do everything we want in that too.

Appreciate you're in the South East. We live on the edge of a town that's in a very expensive part of England. DH retired a couple of years ago and was earning less than that, I only worked 12 hours per week. We paid the bills, had holidays, fun.

We did have a very right spell when DD was little, that's why I started work doing more hours then and DH took a part-time bar job on top of his full-time job. One thing don't compare yourselvs to others, all our friends have a higher income, we enjoy life just as much.

Move.

The SE is the issue not the salary itself, look at what he'd get further north and look at what's available. Personally the SEN provision in Scotland seems much better than in England so worth thinking of that and property is much cheaper.

Your income is thwarted as much by sending children as your husband. The frustration of the reduced warning potential with SEN children is so difficult and you have my empathy and sympathy there.

Me too.
What an awful way to live and view the world.

OP lives in an expensive part of the country. I imagine their salaries in Blackpool or Stoke on Trent would be really good and they would have a bigger house and more disposable income.

As it is, their combined salaries is not massive for the area.

OP, do you have the potential to earn more than your DH? If so, what about him going part time and looking after DC whilst you build your career?

Could DH take on some studying to gain extra qualifications to help his career progression/change industry?

I think whatever happens, comparing yourself will only make you more unhappy - though it’s hard not to do this when friends all seem to be so much better off.

This has got to be a wind up, but I’ll bite…

The money you earn is fine, but you seen to be comparing yourself to richer friends, which isn’t healthy.

If you can’t increase your incomes you must lower your costs.

It’s not really fair of you to put all
the earning pressure on your husband when you work 30 hours, SEN children or not, unless he’s sabotaged a more lucrative career or something.

If the rich friends are always jetting off to the Alps or Mykonos or fine dining places, and you’re invited but can’t go, perhaps you need to step away. If they’re just ordinary people you get on with and have a pleasant time with, you’ll have to control your jealousy.

The entitlement is unreal. And 56k is not low anyway. Go earn more than him, I guess?

So much of how we feel about this stuff depends on those around us. We have many middle class well off friends with six figure salaries...but I also work with people who can't even afford a meal deal the day before pay day.

Then I feel very very sorry for you (and your DH) and your perspective on what you value in life.

What a nasty little post. Why don’t you earn some more money if it bothers you 🙄

That’s a shame.

Go find yourself a rich man as you obviously feel you deserve better.

Really? If you want the money go and earn it for yourself and please don't use excuses of having a child etc.

I can't believe the entitlement in this post.

Why don’t you get a better job then?

This is hilarious! I get that it’s all relative but that is not a small salary and many are seriously struggling on far less money than that. You sound quite privileged so worth reflecting on what you do have! Some families don’t make that with 2 people working!!

You have two choices really - adjust your household earnings to match your lifestyle and desires to have the same as your friends so get better earning jobs.

The second is adjust your lifestyle to match your salaries. If you can not get more money in, you are going to have to live with it and stop hankering after better things.

Most importantly is stop comparing yourself to others.

Assuming this isnt a wind up, your phrasing is ridiculous OP.

I appreciate your income doesn't go far in the expensive South East but a) obviously some earn less given your husband's salary is well above average and b) the gender assumptions are daft.

Surely you knew about his potential for earning when you decided to marry and have children with the man? How do you think he'd feel if he read this?

I dont understand this response...

If your husband paid into his pension you'd be entitled to childbenefit, assuming he isnt and excluding that... its a salary of approx 95k

DLA isn't means tested
PIP isn't means tested

Go and retrain and earn more than your husband. That’s what I did. My salary is about £25k more than my husband now. Stop moaning, your husband is not your wage slave.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

Big cars, new clothes and expensive holidays aren't what make a good, happy life.

The difference in lifestyle, including affordability of house size, extensions, cars, holidays, etc. is huge.

Is it? Because £100,000+ doesn't go as far in the SE as it used to either.

At any rate, the difference in lifestyle etc between you and the average person in the UK (because the deprived and crap areas do exist and need to be included) will be far, far greater.

Assuming you're not taking the piss...

Ok, it's an above average salary. Not sufficient for living a life of luxury (especially in the south east) but not the sort of salary that it sounds good to complain about.

Many people are way way way worse off than you.

Expensive houses, holidays, extensions etc are not necessary for living a good life or for raising happy children. Nor does having these things mean a person is 'living the dream.' It might look like they are from the outside, and perhaps these people are truly happy. Perhaps they're not. All the money and material stuff in the world can end up feeling meaningless if you don't have a loving, supportive family and the chance to feel fulfilled in other ways. Given how much time we spend at work, having a job that is actually interesting and fulfilling and sustainable for us to cope with is also significant - it's not just about the salary. Your DH is not a work horse who exists to fund bloody house extensions. It is our responsibility to try our best to live within our means (although of course shitty situations can come our way and make that impossible no matter how hard we try, but it's surely something to aim for rather than wishing the money supply were greater).

If you are surrounded by wealthier people, it is understandable to feel pressure to keep up and perhaps down about how your own life seems by comparison. Loads of people would struggle with this. I'm not sure I would feel immune, however much I'm preaching now about this stuff not being that important. Ultimately though it's up to each of us to decide what we choose to value in life and where we're going to focus our attention. You sound like you have a lot on your plate. Maybe some self-compassion and acceptance of your situation, and a practical discussion with your DH about how to make your money stretch further and save towards goals, could help you go get out of this rut. And you need to challenge the idea that having more stuff would make you happy.

My DH earns less than that, I earn similar. If you relocate from the south east your money will go much further. We live on the English/Welsh border and quite comfortable financially, we aren't flush but have a very nice life, can afford regular UK breaks away plus the occasional overseas holiday, and we can afford for our kids to do school trips, attend clubs etc. To us, that is success.

You are entitled to DLA for the children. It's not means tested/based on income.

You will be entitled to child benefit and DLA/PIP though as no one earns over £60k for CB and DLA and PIP aren’t means tested.