To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

My husband earns 40k and supports a family of 5, also live in an expensive area in the south. Comparison really is the thief of joy. We do okay but I'd be over the moon with your combined salary 🤷

Simply, your income isn't for extras when your main costs are not even covered. Your income is as important as his.

You aren't poor, OP, you just need new poorer friends.

It’s not that low. We’re in the south east and my DH earns similar. Difference is so do I so we have a decent household income. If you want a bigger income then you need to find ways to do that. What would your career progression be like? Could your DH drop a day and you do more hours if you could earn more?

Start hanging out with poor people and you’ll feel rich.

That is a brilliant answer! 👏

Would moving to a more affordable part of the UK be an option? Your husband earns a higher than average salary, but when house prices are so high, it does make life very difficult.

So, given the average salary is around £39K in the UK, this - Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary? - would appear to be an especially fucking stupid question.

My DH earns a bit less than this and is probably at the top of his earning capacity.

However we have a very comfortable life that includes an annual holiday budget of about £15k because:

• I decided I didn’t want to rely on a man for finances so I’m the breadwinner
• We chose to live in the North where it’s cheaper
• We chose not to have children to allow us to maintain a lifestyle of our choosing.

if you made different choices, it’s not surprising you got a different outcome

How much do you earn?

My husband earns a similar amount, I earn £30k (28 hours a week) and we have a very comfortable lifestyle with holidays, two cars (bought outright), detached house etc.

We have one child.

We do live in the North West though.

Talk about a glass half empty….

I live in the South East, it's an expensive area
Dp earns £32k, I work full time minimum wage both our wages combined just about make your dps salary
We struggle a bit but could cut back in some areas if we had to.

Honestly comparing yourself to others won't help
Your doing much better financially than a lot of people

If the money means that much to you encourage your dp to retrain in one of those 100k plus jobs or you train in it and dp does the majority childcare

As you’re getting some harsh replies (including my own initial one) is there some caveat that you omitted from your op, which would help people see your side more? (Because as it stands, it wasn’t a pleasant op from your dhs pov). Something like he wouldn’t do a good job of parenting your dc, so you have no choice but to have assigned your roles this way round. Maybe? Something else?

That's a senior NHS managers pay.
Or a senior teachers pay.
Are you sure your friends are actually being honest with you?

How much do you earn? If pro rata you earn less or the same as him than you have no right to complaint.

Give your head a wobble. Loads of people earn way less than that and are thriving, even in the south east. You probably need to sit down with a old fashioned pen and paper, work out outgoings and incomings and see where you can make budget changes.

Nice that all your friends are doing comparatively well but remember "the bigger they are the harder they fall".

We never had flash stuff or posh cars but we always paid our mortgage and our kids always had holidays and we retired in our mid 50s. Sort your priorities out.

I understand that this salary in the SE isn’t heaps but you frame this as being fed up with your husband’s earnings. What about your earnings? You work nearly enough FT so why don’t you find a better paid job? Why is that a demand on him? At 30h you could certainly find a job that pays better. You say he’s at the top of his salary point and that you won’t find a better job - if those are truly your circumstances then why are you channeling this disappointment at him?

Does anyone else have a DH who earns as little as £56,500 salary

No. You’re the only one. All other husbands earn more.

Get a grip.

I thought OP was going to say £25k or just over, around NMW

Not all the SE is expensive. See Medway, or parts of Essex, for example. Perhaps the OP could move to a cheaper area?

Op you do realise your husbands salary would be classed good for most people. It's way above the national average salary.
Both me and my husband have good jobs (I work in public sector) and am top of my grade after 20 years there and earn £45k. Id be pleased to earn as much as your husband. Surely you can afford to live but must can't have luxury holidays!

I opened this thread expecting to find a situation like we lived through a few years back where our family of 4 only had husbands £22k SE income to live off and he refused to quit pursuing his business idea in order to take up a higher paying job.

If it's such a low salary to you, then decide to become the primary earner, make more money than him, and he takes on the career restrictions that the SEN child brings to your family.

It's what I did.

It really boggles my brain when people on here say they are struggling and their household intake is a little less than 100k. I am a teaching assistant and I earn hardly anything, my husband is a driving instructor. He does ok for himself, earns around £30,000+ (his choice.) and could earn more. We don't struggle, we are comfortable. We don't live beyond our means and we certainly don't compare ourselves to others.

You work nearly full time and only pay for extras? Why dont you try and get a job thats better paid? Your husband earns a decent amount.

My DH earns £150k yes