To feel fed up about us struggling on DH low salary

You don’t get PIP and child DLA at the same time, so your figures are very out in terms of benefits.

DH and I live in SE, both work full time and both earn similar amounts to your DH. We have 3 young DS’ aged 7, 5 and 3. Our middle son suffers from Global Developmental Delay and we claim DLA for him. I also work in Emergency Services and do shifts. We have no family to help with childcare support. My elder sister and some friends earn considerably more than we do. We don’t have an extravagant life style at all due to childcare costs and various other reasons. Yes it’s hard but I never compare myself to others as I would be miserable all the time. You can work full time even with a child with SEN. It’s hard but definitely doable if you want to change your lifestyle to fit in more with your friends.

Why do you write about your husband as if he's a faulty household appliance that you somehow got saddled with through no fault of your own? As opposed to someone you presumably chose to marry having taken into account all the things you found important in a partner? If he's at the top of his salary point now, presumably you knew what his career was when you met, and therefore knew what the top of his salary point would be?

She works 30 hours, it's not that easy to find a job that's only 7 hours a week evenings only and it's guaranteed to be minimum wage. Take out commuting costs if it's a couple of hours several nights or the sleep costs if its one night where she's still expected to be up and functional the next day, it probably isn't worth it. She needs to focus on improving her main job not work through the night and not sleep

That's not a low salary. Obviously it pays for less than a salary twice the size. it also pays for more that a minimum wage income.

This is the trouble when you only compare 'up' OP. Look around, think of all of the things taken for granted and what life would be like without them.
When I was a young mum I'd often not have enough for a food shop and at times even now decades later, I catch myself as I load a trolley full of shopping into the boot of my car and say a prayer of thanks to the universe.
Its not about cars, hols etc its all about recognising little joys and finding ways to help each other- the magic really is in the mundane you know!

I think the problem is the circle you mix with, you’re comparing yourself to others who are higher earners.
Im not sure I understand about your wages covering the ‘extras’ if you are in the red each month perhaps it would be better for all household income to go into one pot and see what is left at the end of the month.
You seem to think the lack of money is solely down to your husband?
You’ll be entitled to child benefit as he isn’t over the threshold, and see if he is under the threshold for marriage tax allowance.
You don’t sound like you like him very much tbh..

Are yo u always in the red because you have to live in an expensive place cos of work? Given how low in the ladder yo u think he is, has he looked for work in cheaper areas where he'd earn similar salaries? ., 9or are you in the red keeping up with your rich friends?

What is your salary and what can you do to increase it? Sounds like that moeny needs to go in the basic costs pot not the extras. You can't afford extras if you're in the red.

Are you claiming DLA for DS?

That's not a low income. It's lower than your friends. I do understand how you feel- literally everyone I know has a lot more money than me, a bigger house, nicer car. They either have higher paying jobs or have inherited. My husband earns less than yours.

Does your husband enjoy his job? Do you? That's the most important thing really.

Combined income £76000 and you cant make it work, give me all your money i will make it work

Don't blame DH. You could get an evening job to increase your hours to F/T.

I'm sure your husband would be thrilled at you emasculating him on a public forum. I'm sure he does his very best for you and his family.

You might have to tighten your belt and work more hours yourself. Maybe an evening job when your husband is home.
BTW that’s not a low salary so it’s probably your expenditure that’s not working for you.

Also do not underestimate the stress and misery of being the main breadwinner- especially if your partner is dissatisfied. It’s utterly miserable.

Then you are totally out of touch with reality and how a lot of people live.

Can you not increase your income then?

I'm a single parent earning £29k, so you'll have to forgive me that I'm struggling to muster up much sympathy.

ETA: Oh and I'm not up north either. Actually closer to London.

COL has affected the whole country; no one's money is going as far and there are plenty of people in the SE surviving on less than that.

It’s very damaging to think others are living the dream. It’s very unlikely to be true anyway. You never know what stresses and problems are going on in someone else’s life.

How much do you earn?

If DH has reached the point in his career where he’s likely to plateau could he take on some more of the childcare? So you can resume your career?

£57k is a really decent salary, far more than most teachers, nurses, office workers etc will ever get paid. It’s a professional salary. If you’re finding it difficult to survive I think you need to either review your lifestyle (move house, downsize, change areas) or take on more work yourself somehow (i.e could you work on the weekends?). On the other hand though, what, specifically, are you doing without at this point in your life?

DH has just been away with a small group of friends from way back - whom he only sees once a year. 2 of them are self made millionaires. DH and the other friend had a similar income to your DH. What was apparent, is that none of them is any happier in retirement than the others. Money doesn't buy happiness.

DLA is not means-tested. It is there to cover the costs of additional care needed by disabled children in comparison to their peers. The application process can be emotionally painful as you have to present an honest picture of your child on their worst days but it is worth it, not just for the money but because receipt of DLA can then serve as widely-accepted proof of disability to access other support. I would strongly encourage you to apply for all of your DC with SEND.

What is stopping you from getting a better job?

Uurgggh, how is one meant to survive on that.
Tell him to get off his arse and get 2nd job so you can keep up with them Jones'

Honestly I’d have a little more sympathy if you were talking about affording bills rather than extensions. Yeah tbf it doesn’t go far in the south east but comparison genuinely is the thief of joy. You yourself could have been earning loads of money so I wouldn’t be complaining about your husband here.

Have you properly looked into benefits, carers allowance I thought was payable if you care more than 35 hours (so if you do overnight amd weekends), PIP is not dependent on income.

If you think you can have a higher salary than your husband then why doesnt he swap and take a step back / reduced hours and you try and progress your career and salary