AIBU to want more time to myself as a SAHM?

I think it is. A lot of you on here seem to lead very limited lives and struggle to have a life outside your role as a parent. I don't get it frankly. I don't understand why so many of you are totally overwhelmed by adult life.

I mean, it does sound like you get some time, but you need to make some changes to your routine to make the most of things. Make some mum friends so you and your DC can socialise together. Do the dog walk with your child during the day and then do an exercise class in the evening a couple of times a week. And try to focus on your child sleeping alone so you have that time in the evening. Generally the only time I get child-free is when my children are in bed - I know I’d really struggle without that time.

What’s stopping you doing a regular weekly class on an evening or at a weekend?

or even perhaps put your child in nursery a morning / afternoon a week if you can

But you aren’t really doing anything to fill your cup.

When your mum has your child, you decompress. Walking the dog can be lovely but it’s still a chore. Perhaps you need to schedule something in which positivity fills you, like a class or going to the cinema

It sounds like it's not just time to yourself that would fill your cup, it's spontaneous free time .

I bet your dh finds it rather easy to arrange things because you are holding the fort at home.

Dog walks can sometimes be a bit of a chore, not the break posters are suggesting on here. Can you occasionally go a bit more exciting by going somewhere out of the ordinary? Or the dog to the pub?

I think Mondays are the worst day to have to yourself tbh. I live in a small town everything seems to be closed on Monday.

This is unbalanced between you and your husband. I would discuss one evening a week to do a hobby. It might be easier to be out the house e.g. art class, meeting a friend. Firstly as you are available to your toddler at home and secondly if you are tired you may just flop on the sofa instead. If an evening feels too tiring then a weekend morning maybe. It's not unreasonable to discuss with your DH what you need.

An afternoon and evening off during the week and your DH doing bath times sounds like a pretty reasonable amount of space while being a SAHM.
You’ve also done a few evenings out. What’s stopping you booking a regular evening art class or something?
You talk about wanting to draw or do exercise but you could draw every Monday and exercise once or twice a week in the evening if you wanted to, you have a partner who’s home in the evening so you have the option.

I do go out sometimes, every few weeks but outside of that a lot of my evenings are spent catching up on work or being tired and relaxing/doing admin things. My husband is happy to collect the kids and put them to bed if he can but sometimes he is working away or has meetings that’s means he is unavailable.

And this is why I never understood the hate that mothers get on here. For not going straight back to work when child starts school or nursery. Thats my delayed long break .

Thats nice for your partner.

You have a whole afternoon to yourself every monday but choose to spend it sitting on the sofa.

Find an exercise class one evening that you want to do and go do it. Your DH can stay at home.

Parenting is busy. That's normal. Just wait til they do lots of activities!!

At that age don’t they qualify for some nursery hours?

Among my friends it certainly is. Most of us have regular hobbies out of the house, go out for meals etc. What is it stopping you from doing this stuff out of interest? Is it that you’re a single parent? Are your kids awake till 10pm and need both parents there?

It’s great you have managed to arrange this but I don’t think it’s the norm

Really? We have young kids and I can’t relate to this at all. I see friends weekly, I go out running 3-4 times a week, am part of a run club.

You could go and stay with family for a few days? That would give you some sense of a break.

Why don’t you go back to work part time Op? That way you’d have time without dc, adult company, and be financially in a stronger position so you have money for going out, getting a babysitter etc?

I appreciate that you and your DC - I think, from what you said - have been ill, but sorting out bedtime so that both you and DH can do it, and so that DC goes to bed before you will get you time back. I think once a week for you to go to an evening art class would be more than reasonable. (I've presumed here that your DH works a regular 9-5 or similar.)

Sorting sleep takes energy and effort - from you and your DH - that it can be hard to find but improvements are possible. I found a sleep coach helpful as a hand hold.

Mine are grown now but just joining in to add that going to work was my salvation. Your child should become more independent in less than a year and you can look at nursery sessions and get a few mornings or afternoons off. Still snatched and clock watching time but lovely to just get that break.
Does your child’s medical difficulty mean that nursery/RTW will be difficult?
Do you have money for babysitters?
It will probably never feel like enough because you can never relax in the way you could before DC. But it does get easier I promise.

I have just read this. I suppose that is the difference. My DH wouldnt swan off on boys nights monthly as we have small children? Maybe that's where your resentment comes from. As for seeing my friends? When we do eventually manage to see each other every few months. They want to see my DC too so they always come with me.

Honestly? I do not have any. I suppose I could if I wanted. My DH would always look after them for appointments etc but that's the only time I have been away from them. My me time is when they go to bed. We have no village. I also work (no nursery). In the those first especially 5 years I think you have to surrender yourself to it. You do have Mondays and your DH does the bathtime. I do wonder how much free time people want from their children?

You’re going to get some awful responses OP because people will think you get more then they do/did and should be grateful because they only had 3 minutes a day to themselves and they were fine.

Youre allowed hobbies! What is it you would enjoy? A friend and I meet one evening a week for a walk once our kids are in bed which is nice and gets us out of an evening! Would you want to do some exercise or something social? I’d probably consider what would fill your cup and go from there - pointless me saying go for an evening swim if you hate swimming, for example! I don’t believe you should be a martyr or not do anything for you just because you’re a mum and you have some time for you on a Monday and an evening dog walk.

Think one afternoon-evening a week is perfectly reasonable when your a sahm. Otherwise you may as well go back to work.

I’ve never co-slept with my DC, so maybe I’m wrong here, but surely getting your DC to sleep in his own bed alone would really help here?

In have 3 young DC, work full-time, and get an hour to myself every evening from 8-9pm once they are in bed. I usually do a workout and then have a bath. DH will either do a workout with me or go for a run. I can’t imagine losing that precious time in the evenings, it would really affect my mental heath.

What's stopping you going out in the evening or weekends? What time are you looking for?

What do you think single parents get in terms of time to themselves? Every Monday afternoon and evening and a solo dog walk everyday is good. I would never be a SAHP and it seems like it isn’t good for you. Go back to work and get some worth back in your life that isn’t just being a mother. Or do more in the evenings to get out.

can you go to some exercise class or whatever else it is you want to do once your son is in bed if you’re partner is there or on a sat morning?

otherwise can you do the dog walk earlier in the day with your son or later once he’s in bed and use the dog walk time for other exercise