AIBU to want more time to myself as a SAHM?

Does your GP have a social prescriber / Community Navigator?
they may have information on local activities

The thing is it might be the OP martrying herself here.
It sounds like her partner is hands on as he does bath each night, she however says she sleeps with their son. Surely this task could be left to the dad too if she really wanted (but I expect it is something she likes to do/feels only she is able to do).
Likewise she did go to an art class so presumably if she found more things to do then she would be able to go to them, she isn't being stopped.
I think she just needs to speak out more. Perhaps instead of just lying down on the sofa on a Monday afternoon she could search for activities - I suggest trying the library, any local colleges, or just searching independent craft shops if it's art she is into. Now would be a good time as classes often follow school term times, so there could be some things beginning in September.

Yes of course you should have time, but can I ask gently, when you do have time ie a Monday you don’t use it, is this correct, and just lay on the sofa ?

I started doing evening classes and met some really nice people. There used to be so much choice, not sure about now?
I suppose not everyone's cup of tea, but I loved it.

Are you able to do any housework in bits and pieces so that when your mum has your dc you have free time to do something more enjoyable?

Stop doing stuff in the house on a Monday and use that time to do what you fancy doing for you. The house can wait, it's not going anywhere. Try get your dh to get it organised on the Saturday or Sunday for the Monday.

I don't think it's martyr Olympics, it's more that OP already has a reasonable amount of potential time to herself but is choosing to use it in a different way.

She has every Monday afternoon/evening but choose to spend it resting (which is "me" time) or doing jobs (which could be done another time).
She has childfree time to walk the dogs in the evening which sounds like a lovely way to relax at the end of the day.

She could do things in the evening but choose to go to bed with her child. most co-sleepers only stay with their child until they have gone to sleep, or they take turns with a partner. or, they start weaning the child off needing someone to lie with them.

She could do things at weekends while her partner looks after the child, and I don't think she's said why that's not possible?

Are you married? Assume not as you said DP. Jt js massively financially reckless to be a SAHM unmarried. Please please get married or get a job. Your partner could walk out tonorrow and you’d be entitled to nothing

This is meant kindly - but have you thought of working part time? I get the impression you are not experiencing enough of a sense of your own identity. I wonder whether more time to just be you would help you?
I expect you will say you don’t want to leave your child with anyone else……
So - Do you go to any toddler groups? Church based ones in particular can be very supportive.
Linking with other Mums and having interaction with adults adds variety to your week - and you might make some new friends for both you and your child.

What about a hobby one evening a week or nursery for your dc one day a week .
when I was a sahp ds went to nursery 2 days a week so I got that time to my self. I did a yoga class, a Pilates class and caught up on housework. Evenings/weekemds weekends we shared the childcare.

Sounds to me like it would be good for you to get a couple of hours out at a drawing/painting class one night a week and a bit of time at the weekend to catch up with friends etc.

You've been really unwell, I imagine you're still recovering.

By now you should be getting a couple of hours at the weekend to meet up with friends or do something for you. When do you get free hours at preschool? Or could you afford a couple of half days?

You should get the same amount of time to do things at the weekend as your DH does. Does he help out on days where he has annual leave as you won't get that time off as a SAHM?

OP you have a DP. It should be easy to carve out more you time if needed. Make the most of Monday PM and naps etc too. If you worked FT and had toddler that can be one of toughest gigs of all as housework, house admin, pick ups and drop offs and general hamster wheel is brutal. Not easy but there’s a solution here if DP stepped up more and you get to enjoy being SAHM to start caring for you again too.

I think if your DH is doing these things your life set up allows for one of your I be away for a few hours etc quite easily.

From an earlier post it sounds like what stops you arranging the same is you feel you shouldn’t?

But it’s perfectly reasonable to have nights out or a set night to do a hobby etc.

This wont work for for every family and it is a balance to make sure you and DH also spend time together.

But if you need a weekly class then arrange it.

As a sahm I didn't have any childcare available when mine was that age. When DH wasn't at work we preferred to spend time together as a family (our choice). DH didn't spend time going out without us and I didn't either. I managed by getting things done with dc in tow (getting myself ready, home workouts, errands and appointments), and doing things around the house and my own interests after bedtime. Mine were fairly good sleepers which meant I could do that. We don't have any pets either, so that reduces the time I need to spend doing chores related to that and more time for me.

Once my dcs were 2.5 years old they started pt preschool so I got a few hours every weekday morning, which made things much easier. It's a long slog the first few years, but my youngest is starting reception next month and I'll have most weekdays free for myself.

There is probably some kind of childcare locally for dcs like a preschool, gym creche or playgroup. At that age you can take them to some activities like a stay and play or play cafe where might have to stay with them but they can learn to play independently and you can relax a bit even if you're still with them.

I think a useful start is to think how much time you'd have if you had a job. Then if you currently have less, who picks up the slack? Does your husband have more free time than you, so could reasonably asked to do more? Or if you're both flat out, what outside help could you bring in? Then you need to factor in the fact that you're currently unwell, and temporarily need extra time to recover. Think about when this needs to be, and again, how can you fill the gap?

Saying I only go out for a meal once every few weeks does not mean I am overwhelmed by adult life - how insulting. I am perfectly capable of managing a to work full time in a high pressure job and raise my children. It just means that I don’t have heaps of free time. I am also not complaining, I am very satisfied with my life, all I stated is that not every mum of young children is going out socialising multiple times a week.

It sounds like your partner would be willing to support you doing something in an evening, so find a class or something you’d like to do regularly and make it happen. No one else can make that time for you.

your. Hike is also coming for pre school age, so once he’s settled into a pre school you will have plenty of time to fill will things you enjoy.

Martyr Olympics going on here. What’s with all the people putting the boot onto the OP because she seems to be getting an hour or two more ‘down time’ than they are.
You should be getting the same (or at least a fair) amount of child-free time as your husband. You need some re-charge time and, if you’re also sleeping with your child (all night???) I doubt you’re getting a good night’s rest either.
Maybe that’s the first thing to address; the sleeping arrangements. You haven’t said what the medical issues are that mean you have to be with him at night but is there any wiggle room here so that your DH can do a share?
You sound ground down and that’s awful. You say you think it’s important your husband has his hobby time - how about prioritising yourself a bit more?
Parenting doesn’t have to mean burying yourself in it.

Can you walk the dog during the day with your child?

When I was a SAHM I would go out, after breakfast, with my toddler in the pushchair and the dog on the lead and we would all go out together for a walk and some fresh air. We would head to a field near the house and I could get my DD out the buggy to walk a bit if she wanted, run on the grass, pick daisies, play games. The dog could be let off lead to run after the ball, which I go my DD involved in and she would run around with the dog.

Then at about 4pm, we would do it again. We even did the walks in the rain, as I had a rain cover for the buggy.

That way, dog has already had walks/exercise during the day and then when DH comes home and does bath time, that is when you get some time to yourself to do what you want to instead of walking the dog at that point.

Just a suggestion, but I was lucky in that my kids loved to be in their buggy and would enjoy the walk and fresh air as much as I did.

Meet a friend, attend a class, go to the gym for an hour, during that time. Or just relax and read for an hour.

Things like meeting friends, I found, need to be planned in advance. So think about when you might be free and message them to ask if they can meet up, if not, then when? Meeting friends doesn't just happen, you need to be organised and pro-active.

I attended lots of baby and toddler groups when my DD's were young and grew a nice friendship group from those. We would go for coffee after, or lunch, and we went on nights out once in a while. But we were each others sounding board and support and it was great to talk to other mums and have some adult company.

The time your Mum has your child, do something with that time for you. Go to the gym, wash and dry your hair, read, meet a friend. Go for a mooch round the shops and grab a coffee. You are very lucky you have that time so make sure you use it wisely.

When your husband isn't at work you should get a 50/50 split of leisure time. I usually manage an exercise thing once a week and go out for either an evening or afternoon at the weekend to see friends. Something like an Art Class or book group sounds a good start..

I guess that’s just different lifestyles then. I tend to use my evenings to pursue my hobbies and interests once kids are in bed and I’m not working, so exercise/run club, I do some volunteer work out of the house every week, etc. At weekends I will maybe have a couple of hours doing something while DH has the kids, then I will take them for a bit while he does something, around stuff we do as a family, or I will go for a meal out with friends on a a Saturday evening.

It’s very important to me that I pursue interests outside of parenting, DH too, so our lives are set up to enable that I guess. I would find it very difficult to not have any time to do stuff I enjoy.

My friends are the same but I guess that’s more likely to be the case as we are friends because we have that sort of thing in common.

I think you need to create the structure that will give you that. This is a very hard thing to do when you're struggling with your mental health. Our local leisure centre has a crèche that I used to use sometimes just to drink a coffee. A large part of the point of baby groups for me was me being able to talk to another adult so I kept us fairly busy with those, and making and meeting up with friends who also had little ones. It's not the same as having time off alone but it still helps you connect with "you" again.

I suspect your husband is being less than helpful but ultimately you need to find the levers yourself. Join a book club. It's nearly September, sign up for an evening class and your husband can walk the dog with the toddler once a week. Join an overtly social/going out group for adults. Change things up so you do the dog walk with your toddler in a pushchair on "your time" then take time off to rest or whatever during bedtime, rather than doing a job. Hand toddler over for half an hour when your husband gets in from work as well as him doing bedtime.

It is unfair that your husband is getting these evenings out etc and you are not, but at the same time he can't really create that structure for you. Sometimes this mismatch happens because the husband is a selfish twonk, and this may be the case here, but other times it's just that he would be happy for you to go out more but you need to find a structure/reason to get you out there.

One thing that really helped me was having a night by myself in a hotel, with a late checkout. I would very strongly urge you to try this if you can, even if very occasionally. It made a massive difference to my MH. And stop doing jobs in your Monday afternoons. Give your brain and body a break.

You should b getting equal amounts of "me" time. He's taking the piss to be going out for evenings and trips and just leaving you home with the baby when he knows you've had/have ppd especially.

You need to talk to him. And you need to take a weekend away once he's back from his trip. Then boom yourself onto a weekly hobby. (Even if your weekly hobby is going to Costa to read, you book it as an unmovable hobby) I think pole dancing and those type classes look good, you're with a group of women, feeling good about your body, exercising.