AIBU to go on the trip without my husband if he can’t afford it?

If you read all of my post. I said if he's spending on various things then it's not fair him complaining. But my whole second paragraph said if he lives hand to mouth that's very different and she could help him out.

It doesn’t sound like you can afford the holiday either if you couldn’t afford to pay his share. Why not get a joint savings account for holidays?

There was another post on here a while back about should a wife subsidise her husbands over spending on hobbies and the overall consensus was no!! But on this post everyone is piling on that she should pay for his holiday!! How is this any different??

Are you married or just friends/lodgers? If you are married YABU - it sounds as though you don’t care for your husband at all.

You both go skiing or no one goes skiing. You are married ffs.

Not true if the debt is solely in his name.

This is exactly what I came here to say too!

It sounds as though both are fairly low earners with little disposable cash. OP is choosing to save hers for holidays and he’s pissing his up the wall on whatever he chooses instead of saving for the holidays which is his choice however the OP can’t then be expected to pay for his holidays too!!
It sounds as though financially you are incompatible. Maybe in future when the money goes away for bills, holidays should be included in that every month so you are both contributing to holiday savings at the same time if that’s what important to you both.
Right here right now you need to decide together which holiday you can afford to go on, personally I’d do the skiing trip with friends and then start saving together for the long haul trip for the following year.

You make it sound like he's a friend or someone you've just started dating. If he could afford to go with the group and you couldn't, would you be happy for him to go without you? It's a strange arrangement.

“ThisMachineWillNotCommunicate · Today 22:06
YABU if you expect him to pay for the 2 week couples holiday and miss out on the ski trip when his preference would be to go on the ski trip. It sounds you’re not in the financial position to afford the ‘couples holiday’ this year. Put it on hold, enjoy the ski trip together and plan a long haul trip for when both your finances are better.”

This.

Monthly expenses should e split based on income in a marriage. I couldn’t live like this. DH earns more than me, I earn very little, we share everything. It is family money.

I think he's right, if you can't afford to both go then you don't go. Can't you put the longhaul trip off a bit to later in the year. Sounds like you are living a life you can't both afford, and I think this is unfair . As a married couple you should be more of a team.

YABU if you expect him to pay for the 2 week couples holiday and miss out on the ski trip when his preference would be to go on the ski trip. It sounds you’re not in the financial position to afford the ‘couples holiday’ this year. Put it on hold, enjoy the ski trip together and plan a long haul trip for when both your finances are better.

This post has made me so sad. What is the point of being in a committed relationship if you can’t be kind to each other.

This doesn't sound in any way like a healthy loving partnership let alone a marriage.

You are awful.

This is just so alien to me. You are acting like your DH is just a random friend rather than your husband. I couldn’t contemplate going on holiday without my DH. We are a partnership.

Where are you getting it from that he’s spending his money recklessly, you’re just making things up to suit your narrative.

Your marriage won’t last. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s true.

For all those saying “completely pool finances” this only works if both parties spend in the same way. If one person fritters money away while the other would rather save for big things (like holidays) then all pooling money does is ensure the spender has even more money to fritter away and the saver gets nothing. If both are spenders then it works out, if they are both savers, then the only argument can come on what to spend the pot on. But one spender and one saver, recipe for disaster, do not pool finances.

I can never live like this. It’s like a transactional marriage. If he only has money for 1 holiday and chooses to spend it on the ski trip because he does not want to be left out then so be it. You can’t expect him to fund 2 holidays he can’t afford and you can’t dictate which one he chooses to prioritise and spend his money on

If you're insistent on seperate finances, which suit you as the higher earner, then it's completely up to him what he spends his money on. He can choose the long haul trip, the skiing trip or to holiday completely alone.

I think you’re being mean.

I genuinely can’t imagine married people making separate decisions about holidays and the finances for them.

I think people are being a bit unfair. You've obviously decided not to share finances, so your spare cash is yours. I'd be really annoyed if my savings went towards my prioritising of holidays and he spent his monthly on Lego/attending golf/cross stitching or whatever and then moaned when I'd not done all of those things but he didn't want me to spend my own savings on something I prioritise.

If it's more a case of he lives hand to mouth every month and genuinely has no fun money, then helping him out may work, but it sounds like he's just spending his money elsewhere and then being upset Op wants to spend hers as she sees fit.

If this is how you do things and there are items he has chosen to spend money on while you have chosen to save, I think you have every right to go and he's being a dog in the manger about it.

I don't know about the other part of it.