AIBU to go on the trip without my husband if he can’t afford it?

In the future what can your husband do to get himself out of this low paid job ?
or is this job his vocation and he would not want to find a ' better ' job.

Is when his share of the bills etc paid then he is left with ' little disposable income. '
How has he got ' a little bit of debt ' do you mean on a credit card or a car loan ?
How would he pay off this debt and how long will it take him ?

' and no savings.' what is he spending the little disposable income on that he does have.

Does he not realise right now he can't actually afford either holiday ?

Apart from getting in further debt, what can he do to increase his finances now ?
would he consider getting a part time job - evenings and / or weekends for a year or so.

It's a shame he would prioritise a group holiday than a later one with just you.

Well I suppose if he pays his share of the bills and just wastes his " leisure" money that wouldn't be an issue as long as you are then not expected to suvdide him

Well he didn’t say you couldn’t go, he said he’d be irritated. I think you might be too if the shoe was on the other foot.

Additionally, why are you both even discussing holidays if there’s not enough money between you both to cover you both?

You’re married, so his money is yours and yours is his. So, if you can afford to pay for 1 (you) for a couples holiday and for 1 (you) for a skiing holiday, then you can afford to pay for 2 (you + H) for either the couples holiday or the skiing holiday.

It’s an easy fix. You pay for both of you for one holiday. Like a married couple.

Which begs the question, if you consider your DH a ‘waster’ why are you still married to them?

Maybe in future when the money goes away for bills, holidays should be included in that every month so you are both contributing to holiday savings at the same time if that’s what important to you both

That. If you both plan a holiday, then a holiday savings fund that you both pay into every month is the obvious way to go. Then there's no "I can afford it but you can't' situation that can arise. To be honest I thought that that was hour most couples (who aren't loaded) go about saving for a holiday

This!

Imagine turning up to a holiday and only
one person from a marriage was there and the wife says it’s because her husband couldn’t afford it!

So what people are saying is if a couple are married. One saves all their spare cash for holidays and the other wastes their money then the saved should pay for the waster?

If this was a man it would be called financial abuse and the OP told to ltb. It's a strange set up for a married couple bit like Cinderella. No you can't go to the ball. Pretty grim actually.

So every year you go away skiing in Feb and he can’t afford it next year as well as a couple holiday

sounds like you both enjoy the friends holiday so unless usually have 2 holidays a year - rare for the average earner , one needs to not happen

joint finances don’t always work. If one is a spender /has debt and the other a saver

this was dh and I - now ex dh. He will always spend money. Have debt

I save for things I want /need as well as provide everything for dd

you don’t have kids. Are you ever going to ?

can he get a better paid job or do extra work even delivery stuff /amazon /take away delivery

More like ‘bob spaffed his budget away on nights out so he has no leisure money left whereas I’ve been frugal and sensible as I prioritize skiing’

So if he got a massive promotion and you fell ill and couldn’t work, you’d be fine with him going on nice holidays while you were just stuck at home alone?

I think If you save your ‘fun money’ and he spends it then it’s not fair for you to subsidize his ski trip with your savings.

Regarding debt in a divorce, it’s who has had the benefit of the debt that matters. So if DH buys the family car and the family benefits from the car, but he has a debt to finance it, it’s a matrimonial debt because it’s benefiting everyone. If the debt is for DH to join the golf club, only he benefits. So at divorce, he’s responsible for the debt.

Holidays together (as a couple or with a group of friends) are shared expenses. Leftover money is after all of these and after savings/investments based on agreed shared goals.

A marriage is a partnership, yours does not sound like that at all

I’m imagining this and I honestly don’t think it’s a problem.

I always find these sorts of posts baffling. This is so different from my model of marriage that I just can’t get my head round it.

I can't believe you won't pay for him to go on holiday and you're then miffed he doesn't want a couple's holiday.

When you're married you're a team. I can't believe you'd be happy to go on a ski trip without him because he can't afford it.

Imagine one of your friends doing that! "Yeah Bob can't afford so I came without him "

Yeah my ex husband would've had us in debt with all and sundry. He'd spend all his wages before paying bills. If we had joint money he would've spent the lot

He ended up bankrupt - and divorced lol

YABU, if he only has enough money to cover one holiday then of course, he should have a say in the holiday he wants.

Each to thier own, but this doesn't sound like a loving, happy marriage, you sound more like friends.

I went solo travelling for 6 weeks last year be cause my partner couldn’t afford it and couldn’t get time off work. Some people asked why he didn’t come and I literally said he couldn’t afford it or get the time off work, I do t see why that’s a problem? Would say the same to friends on a group trip too.

Thought it was a distant relative she was speaking about. Her dh is right, she shouldn’t go if they both can’t go.

How's is his debt her debt? What a load of rubbish

Debts in his name are not hers

I don't know why people are moaning at OP about sharing finances.
A - It's nothing to do with you, if it works for them, it doesn't matter what you do in YOUR marriage
B - They seem to have the wrong end of the stick and think OP is some sort of millionaire. Whereas it sounds more like they are both fairly low earners but she is just better with money. Nothing she has said suggests that she could afford to pay for her and DH to go on both holidays even if she wanted to.

Basically should she be punished and not be able to go on any holidays herself solely because he is in debt? So being with him leaves her worse off than if she was single? How is that fair?

OP - in answer to the questions you raised, I actually think it's fair enough for him to prefer to go on one holiday over another, if he can only afford one. If he was prioritising a stag do with his mates over a family holiday it would be different, but his logic that a holiday with you AND his mates AND doing an activity he likes is better than a holiday with just you which is more of an unknown quantity does sort of make sense, even though it's not what you would prefer. But yes of course he is being unreasonable to tell you you can't go just because he can't.

If the debt is in his sole name , the debt is nothing to do with her.
From Experian