AIBU to go on the trip without my husband if he can’t afford it?

Gently, I think the fact he’d rather go on a group trip than on a couples holiday is probably important here.

Taking at face value the fact you’ve both agreed to have separate finances (unusual but ok if that’s what you both prefer), you need to have a better mechanism to make compromises.

In this particular situation where you cannot both afford two expensive holidays, perhaps a better solution would be to go skiing as normal, and then a cheaper off peak holiday say in September.

AIBU to be annoyed he would prioritise a group trip he can barely afford, get into further debt OR tell me if he can’t go, I can’t go?

Why can't you go? Are you joined at the hlp?

When a horrible way to treat him. Who is he in debt too? How would you feel if it was him who was the higher earner. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. You support each other when times are tough. But there you are with plenty of money in your bank account looking down your nose at your husband. YABU no I wouldn’t go on holiday and leave him behind.

The natural conclusion of your bizarre financial arrangements would be that you go on holiday while he stays at home.
For this very reason (and lots more reasons too) most married couples pool their resources. It's almost as though marriage is a partnership.

That’s fair enough. He has plenty of time to save, he’ll easily pick up part time packing work over Christmas or deliveries in the evening. If he really wants to go he’ll have to put his working skates on. He has no reason not too, he’s not rushing home to help. I changed my mind. Yanbu.

Well skiing is skiing so it’s not comparable is it.

YABU for this strange split of finances.

Won't the ski trip cost you more if he doesn't come because you'll have to cover the full room cost?

As I said this is not how marriage works, you're just partners living together.

Irrespective if that's his your finances work then that's what it is and you're free to dke whatever you want so if you want to go on the ski trip go for it, he can suck it up and make sure he is better financially prepared the following year.

But this is now he a couple wor together and build together.

And frankly I couldn't be in a relationship with a man like this, so shit with his finances and he is willing to go into debt to make sure he keeps up appearances at a ski trip with friends.

I don't think you're being unreasonable about the finances. He chooses to spend his money on what he wants, hasn't had enough set aside for whatever difficulties he's had this year because of how he's spent in the past and now doesn't have enough for two holidays because of those other priorities. That's his prerogative.

But YABU about being upset at him expressing what he likes. Him wanting the ski holiday which is with you over a couples only holiday is also his prerogative and not some sort of slight on you. He hasn't told you you can't go he's told you he'd be annoyed if you went and he didn't - since it's obviously his preferred holiday that's surely tied up with him feeling pushed into doing the holiday you prefer with you while you go off on the holiday he'd prefer without him?

Sounds like you're friends with benefits tbh.

This is not how marriage works. And if for whatever reason you can't get on the same page financially then manage your expectations that you're just partner sharing a house or move on, one going ok vacation while the tower can't afford it and willing to go into debt so he cjs also go on vacation is ridiculous. And when you get to the ski trip alone while the others are couples what do you say? He's busy or he can't afford it...

Unless there's some backstory about how he is a useless abusing idiot I don't see how anh of this makes any sense.

The positive in all this is there are no kids in the mix.

If you were getting a taxi home and he hadn’t got the money, would you pay for it but make him run behind it?

Doesn’t matter if they’re married. If they divorce all assets and debts are pooled and the courts will rule on it

You and your husband should have chosen different spouses.

There is obviously a financial disparity here that makes this separate finance a bullshit agreement. The resentment on both sides will eventually end the marriage.
Crikey ☹️.

^^ this. What do you do if you have a large un expected bill? Eg washing machine, car, roof?

I don't understand. Is this a marriage of convenience?

In my marriage what we have is shared. We have both been skint and we have both been better off. There is no 'mine and his', when it comes to money, it's 'ours'.

No evidence of the DH wasting his leisure money though, is there?

DH, who is in a low paid job and has little disposable income. He has a little bit of debt and no savings.

And:

I have always prioritised holidays as a use of my disposable income, unlike my DH.

Maybe he’s previously spent disposable income on other things, such as hobbies or going out, but it sounds like he’s skint just now through circumstances - This year has been hard financially, particularly for my DH.

Isn’t the whole point of marriage helping one another out when things are tough?

Neither of you can afford it IMO, if it will leave one of you in debt and the other with very little if any spare cash.

Skiing holidays are an expensive luxury.

Are you sure you are married?

Your marriage sounds barren in so many ways.

You’re flat mates. What was the point in getting married? Doesn’t make sense to me.

But OP can't afford to pay for him. She only earns slightly more than him. But she's saved for her share of the holidays and he hasn't saved for his. She didn't have money left over to fund him.

Some marriage .....!

My long term partner has an autoimmune disease, and I happily paid for our tickets to the US some years ago, as he couldn't work so wasn't earning. Not his fault. He couldn't go in the end as he had a flare up but I wouldn't dream of leaving him out like that.

Loads more examples. If we're a couple, we're a couple.

I guess I'd feel a bit disappointed he'd rather spend it on a trip with friends over a trip with me if you can't do both. Having said that, you are going on the friends ski trip anyway, so perhaps he thinks that's the best of both worlds? And maybe he simply prefers skiing over what would be planned on your couples holiday.
I also don't think it's anyone's right to tell someone what they can and cannot do, i.e. if you want to go on a trip you should be able to. But it is a tricky one because if the shoe was on the other foot and he left you at home even though you wanted to go, then it might feel a bit mean. Would you consider a joint holiday fund that you equally put into? Maybe after a chat he can focus putting disposable income into this to make it happen even if it means postponing the trip a bit.