AIBU to go on the trip without my husband if he can’t afford it?

Help him save up? Like getting a child to put money in a piggy bank???

Good grief I divorced my husband for being so shit with money,

My husband left me and our children a few days ago and keeps avoiding collecting his things and giving me my house/ spare car keys back. I have asked multiple times for him to collect and give my keys back but all I get is oh I will tomorrow or he’s busy

Length of marriage has no impact on what you legally own while you are married.

This is an unrecognisable scenario to me. If my DH can’t afford it then neither can I. Our money is our money. What’s the point of your marriage?

He should be prioritise having savings, not expensive ski trips and other holidays.

I would be saying that WE can’t go this year but we’ll look forward to next. And I’d help him save up.

Sorry but how are you guys married? Sounds like a room mate type arrangement? If he can’t afford to go, then you can’t afford to go?

of course he’s going to want to go on a big group trip which all his friends are going on if he has to pick one.

of course he would be annoyed if you went without him.

what’s the actual point of being married when people have financial arrangements like this???

It’s usually only in very short marriages that money isn’t considered legally as shared

Husband ? Separated finances ? Don’t you understand what being married means ?

Nowhere in the uk gives you joint ownership of your spouse’s property or income on marriage.

Not always, depending on where you live, the law may see everything earned and accrued during the marriage is equally yours regardless of who earned more and if you kept your finances separate or not. In a divorce if the law says it's equally Both's money then there you go.....

It is more complex than that but the general view of marriage is that you throw your stuff in together, warts and all and become a team.
If you say the traditional vows you certainly vow to share everything but I am wondering if these days people say their own vows and make it clear from the outset "What's mine is mine & I won't be sharing anything with you".
But personally i think having that attitude makes a mockery of marriage and renders it pointless. Might as well just live together and avoid all the hassle. Keeps it clear & simple that way.

This is a marriage? You sound more like friends with benefits, and not good friends at that.

And you got married ...... because.

No it isn't. It's far more woolly than that.

Marriage is a legal contract that's says all of your stuff is your stuff together.

Why get married if you just want to act like boyfriend and girlfrien?

What a nutty marriage. I wonder if you actually like each other

Exactly. Why should OP who earns a small amount more than him have to use savings. He used his spare cash to buy other things.
Every store in the country will be looking for evening shelf stackers for Christmas. He could earn an extra 600 a month part time.

It depends on why someone can't afford to go. For example my ex husband earned 2k, I earned one. I had 2 dependant kids, him none.

Split bills 50/50 ( after a struggle to get him to cough up)

So he was left with more spare money than me and less expenses. Yet he could spunk the lot and be on the ponce by the end of the month whereas I saved

In what world should I be using my savings to pay for him to go on a holiday?

He is BU saying he would be irritated if you went without him. Fine to say sad, but irritated? He had plenty of time to save up for it. I think he's more annoyed with himself and is projecting tbh.

He is BU to have not saved enough money to go in the holiday that you both planned together. Unless life events got in the way other than just frittering away his money on meaningless things.

If saving is not his strong point, he perhaps should have asked you to help him make a plan as this is clearly your strength.

He is BU trying to dictate to you what you should do when you've saved enough to do everything.

He is not BU to want to go on the group holiday rather than the couples holiday. Group holidays are lots of fun and skiing is exhilarating (I assume) so v different from a low key 2 weeks in the sun looking around whitewashed towns. It's not necessarily a relection of whether he would prefer to spend time with you, they are two different experiences altogether. And he's allowed to have a preference.

All the people on here who are being judgemental about you guys having separate finances are BU. Everyone does everthing differently. This is what you guys have chosen. It would be different if you had kids. There's plusses and minuses to every financial arrangement, unless there's infinite money. I'm sure the same people would be saying to have sperate finances if this was a post about you and your partner having very different attitudes towards money.

You are BU not to go away in another holiday on your own or with a friend. There's loads of really lovely things you can do as a solo traveller and you egt to do exactly what you want, when you want.

I think it’s a sad state of affairs if you’re married and not spending your holidays together because one of you can’t afford to go. Do you remember that bit in your vows about for richer or poorer? All that I have I share with you? There’s no way on earth I’d leave my husband behind. Either we both go or neither of us go.

At this point, you might as well just be housemates who have sex.

How weird and transactional. I couldn’t live like this.

Why can’t he take on extra work. His not rushing home to mind the children. How much money and time does he spend on his hobby.
He can download an app to deliver food or packages on the weekend through November or December. He has the opportunity. He can easily make enough to cover the holiday.
Sometimes you have to work a bit harder or spend more cautiously when you are not a high earner.

I would get no pleasure from going on a holiday without my husband if I knew he wanted to be there too. I think maybe we have different ideas about what a marriage actually is.

Ohhhh if the tables were turned.....