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Original poster

Husband is a boring bastard

358 replies

bosslady24 · 23/08/2026 18:47

Sorry but it’s true. He works full time and helps around the house but has no interest in family life, days out etc. We had a holiday this year that he was miserable for. Didn’t really want to leave the resort as it would be ‘too much hard work’ with our youngest. If ever he can get out of opting out of something he will. When he has our youngest on his own there are a select few activities he might do like the park or NT but would never dream of taking her to the cinema or swimming because it’s too difficult. Whenever I suggest getting in the car and going somewhere he will huff and claim he has too much to be doing at home or that he’s ill/tired/skint. I don’t want to be busy every weekend but feel as parents we have an obligation to do stuff with our kids when we can and give them a good childhood. He is just lazy and disinterested.

There is an age gap between us - he’s in his early 50s now with a 3 year old and I understand it’s difficult. In hindsight he probably didn’t fully appreciate what having a child later in life means. But she’s here now and I’m finding his lack of enthusiasm for anything quite a turn off. I have resolved to start doing things alone with dc (I have an older child from previous marriage) but I find it sad that I’m with someone who doesn’t share my values around this stuff.

Leaving isn’t an option for me at the moment but I just need to vent. If I bring this up with him he will list a load of excuses and/or sulk so it’s not worth it. It’s bank holiday coming up and I said I might take the dc away for a night and he is practically gleeful about the prospect of being left alone. I don’t get that opportunity because he’d never offer to take them anywhere himself.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 23/08/2026 19:45

"There is an age gap between us - he’s in his early 50s now with a 3 year old and I understand it’s difficult. In hindsight he probably didn’t fully appreciate what having a child later in life means."

YOU also chose to have a child with an old man.

Teainapinkcup · 23/08/2026 19:43

bosslady24 · 23/08/2026 19:38

I suppose you’re right. We met later on in life and he’d never had kids but was always good with my eldest. It was discussed, it wasn’t unplanned but I suppose neither of us really understood what it would be like until it happened. However I do know of other older dads who are far more engaged. I don’t expect him to be up at the arse crack of dawn for family adventures every day but his general lack of enthusiasm is so draining. I want someone who is keen to try new things and go places with the kids, to give them memories. If it were left up to him we’d sit at home 7 days a week.

I know there’s nothing I can do now, we are where are we are and I can’t change him. I’m just sad and frustrated. But I’m going to channel that into doing things alone with dc or with friends.

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focus on being a great mum, maybe his role will be better once she is a bit older. Its all a season. Do not let that statement of you fucked up get to you, that is cruel on you and your much loved and wanted child!

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 23/08/2026 19:43

bosslady24 · 23/08/2026 19:38

I suppose you’re right. We met later on in life and he’d never had kids but was always good with my eldest. It was discussed, it wasn’t unplanned but I suppose neither of us really understood what it would be like until it happened. However I do know of other older dads who are far more engaged. I don’t expect him to be up at the arse crack of dawn for family adventures every day but his general lack of enthusiasm is so draining. I want someone who is keen to try new things and go places with the kids, to give them memories. If it were left up to him we’d sit at home 7 days a week.

I know there’s nothing I can do now, we are where are we are and I can’t change him. I’m just sad and frustrated. But I’m going to channel that into doing things alone with dc or with friends.

Show quote history

I wonder if he was good with your eldest because they didn’t require that much from him. A three year old has got to be one of the most labour intensive stages going. Plus he was probably trying to impress you. You had nothing to compare it to. And it does sound like he’s lazy as well as knackered. All you can really do is make sure she grows up knowing it was him, not her.

TheChosenTwo · 23/08/2026 19:43

I mean more fool the pair of you for having a kid when he’s that age and not anticipating this - but at some point it was agreed that the baby would be welcomed and at that point he should have resolved to be the best parent he could be. How old are the other dc?
Of course some older parents will have bags of energy but some won’t.
My sil and bil are grandparents in their early 50’s. For a variety of reasons they have ended up as quite a major figure of care for the young dc and I’m constantly in awe of the activities (and very physical, swimming every weekend, park, soft play etc and they are in there joining in with them,) they do with them and with the frequency they carry them out. They don’t have them 100% of the time though.
he sounds unlikely to change so unless you’re going to make changes (also unlikely as you said you just want to vent and that’s fair enough but you’re going to get responses here saying LTB etc etc regardless) you’d better get used to carrying everything on your own shoulders.

Morepositivemum · 23/08/2026 19:43

This is his first child?! That’s even harder, he’s never had ti deal with the chaos a young child brings, and he’s over fifty!!! How long are ye together? Op if you just had a child with him you must like him enough to sit down either way him and see how he feels, if he’s depressed, exhausted or anything else.

Original poster
bosslady24 · 23/08/2026 19:38

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 23/08/2026 19:26

Respectfully, there’s a reason men in their fifties are too old to have children. He’s knackered. He very clearly doesn’t have it in him to be a dad of a young child. I don’t think either of you understood what having a baby at that age would be like. Both of you have fucked up here. I mean, he may just be a rubbish and uninvolved father anyway, especially if he’s trying to wriggle out of doing things when you’re there too, but his age is only ever going to exacerbate that.

You might find that he gets better as your DD gets older and starts to do things where she’ll sit still for a while. But if you’re expecting him to suddenly become involved, I think you’re flogging a dead horse. I think giving him an ultimatum would be pointless; it sounds like he’s quite excited about being free from family life. Just do as much as you can with your DD until you’re in a position to leave.

I suppose you’re right. We met later on in life and he’d never had kids but was always good with my eldest. It was discussed, it wasn’t unplanned but I suppose neither of us really understood what it would be like until it happened. However I do know of other older dads who are far more engaged. I don’t expect him to be up at the arse crack of dawn for family adventures every day but his general lack of enthusiasm is so draining. I want someone who is keen to try new things and go places with the kids, to give them memories. If it were left up to him we’d sit at home 7 days a week.

I know there’s nothing I can do now, we are where are we are and I can’t change him. I’m just sad and frustrated. But I’m going to channel that into doing things alone with dc or with friends.

OP posts:
TheFormerMrsTruelove · 23/08/2026 19:26

Respectfully, there’s a reason men in their fifties are too old to have children. He’s knackered. He very clearly doesn’t have it in him to be a dad of a young child. I don’t think either of you understood what having a baby at that age would be like. Both of you have fucked up here. I mean, he may just be a rubbish and uninvolved father anyway, especially if he’s trying to wriggle out of doing things when you’re there too, but his age is only ever going to exacerbate that.

You might find that he gets better as your DD gets older and starts to do things where she’ll sit still for a while. But if you’re expecting him to suddenly become involved, I think you’re flogging a dead horse. I think giving him an ultimatum would be pointless; it sounds like he’s quite excited about being free from family life. Just do as much as you can with your DD until you’re in a position to leave.

MCF86 · 23/08/2026 19:02

My parents were mid 50s when I had my DC and, actually I was going to say they'd have been exhausted doing it full time but they both managed to be more active with him than your husband seems to be!

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