Husband is a boring bastard

I'm mid 50s, do a manual job and I'm constantly tired. My ds is all grown up. I simply couldn't raise a child with my background level of tiredness. I'm on annual leave and have barely moved off the sofa for the last 4 days. This is just for balance. I love kids but they are exhausting. I raised mine as a single parent which probably burnt me out.

No - and trying to 'shag' someone outside of a relationship is unlikely to yield any success.

Have you ever had an actual partner (not someone you just meet up with and shag)?

But I could also spend time doing things without my hypothetical partner, right?

Generally you marry someone you like and want to spend time with.
Because your children like family days out and you both enjoy the company of the family you've created. Are you a bot? Do you need human relationships explaining?

@Ponoka7 Because when you are a couple or a parent, you do things together?

Why?

Good grief! Over it as parents in 50’s? We became second time parents at 44 - and hubbo is fully involved hands on parent. He takes DD out on his own and even solely looked after two 6 year olds, and a 1 year old for 5 weeks when pushing 50 - after I had major operation. Men (and women) are perfectly capable of looking after kids in their 50’s and beyond (unless incapacitating health issues, which can happen at any age).
I feel for you - it sounds lonely and sad you all deserve so much more x

I think his age is being used too much as an excuse here, and he’s being let off far too lightly!
I’d start suggesting getting him checked out if he’s that tired all the time, having a young child is knackering at any age, don’t get me wrong, age can be a factor but what’s he doing about it?
His behaviour is a choice, along with making doing anything other than what he wants, a battle, so the OP doesn’t bother & does it alone. Exactly what he wants, for her to pick up his slack.

Imo he is not too old to have a child of this age - i have multiple friends in similar circumstances (one with dad MUCH older and youngest just turned 2) and they are all very hands on, active, give the kids every opportunity they can type parents.

He needs to step up
My ex was like this. Researched nowhere, went to same park on repeat and was just a miserable git who brought us down. In the end I realised he didnt want to spend any money. He was more inclined to come when I had paid for everything.... but doing stuff that required his petrol or pound - nope.
Like you, I started to do everything alone with the kids - everything. Set me up well for when I left him as I was used to flying solo anyway.
Hope you find a solution that works for you.

Spme people here are talking ageist codswallop. I often look after my young gd, and I’m older than your DH. We managed to get her out and about and keep her entertained.

My brother is 53 and his son is 19 months old. First child. He adores being a dad and is very hands on.

so don’t let his age convince you there’s a problem, he just sounds like an arse??!!

Ok then. If your dad was running around with you four, then all men in their fifties must have the energy to parent infant children to the fullest. Silly me 🙄

I’m the eldest of 4. At the same age my dad did all this with a 10,9,6 and 4 year old (and had been doing so for a decade!) so yes it’s comparable!

So he was ten years younger than the OP’s husband was when their DC was born, and you were between 10-15 when he was taking you to theme parks etc?
I don’t think that’s at all comparable to the situation the OP has described.

No I don’t agree. My father was 40 when I was born and aged 50-55 was still gleefully hiking mountains with us, running around theme parks, building tree houses in the garden and sandcastles on beaches.

OP it’s nothing to do with age. He clearly has no zest for life with a kid. Was he more interesting before DC was born?

I don’t think the op is expecting her dh to be some full on entertainment specialist. She is however, expecting him to step up and parent.
If that means reading a story book over and over, or going to the park and watching dd go down the same slide a monotonous number of times then so be it.
It sounds as though her dh would rather not do that though. He prefers her to do it.
Well unfortunately parenting includes all the monotonous, boring stuff.

Thank you! All these replies are making me feel like my husband and I belong in a care home at 39 & 44 instead of bringing up the young children (inc newborn!) that we have.

Tbh, three year olds can be quite boring too… small kids don’t really appreciate lots of different activities/locations a lot of the time. They often love the simple, predictable stuff like going to the same playground, playing the same games etc. eg the famous Billy Connolly story about bringing their kids on an amazing trip across the US including Disneyland, and the kids’ favourite part was a video they played every night about dinosaurs :)
kids often seem to find adults like that reassuring and steadying and enjoy the calm (which can be annoying when you’re the other kind who performs like a circus act to entertain the kids!).
So from the perspective of his parenting, I don’t see a problem, I highly doubt your child finds him boring. The balance of your two different approaches may be perfect for them.
But if you find him boring, that might still be a problem of course :)

My DD was 3 when I was 50 but you don't stop.... You don't EVER stop . How disappointing. I feel desperately sorry you are in this situation. My advice is find a younger man.

Yanbu.

My husband takes no initiative, never plans anything, is cheap, impatient about everything and is incredibly angry about stupid stuff.

I too can't leave yet, but I'm biding my time.

Hmmm… that wasn’t my experience at all. Both my kids were fun and delightful at 2, but 3 and 4 were hell ages. The word “threenager” exists for a reason.

Unfortunately you can't change people. I don't think it's any use to point out how old he is, if you didn't consider having a child and all responsibilities and so on and bla bla..

Just sit with peace in your heart and ask yourself if the reasons you are together outweigh his natural attitude.

I don't think he will change, so accept that it is your responsibility to be happy anyway regardless of what he does. Walk away if what keeps you together doesn't compensate for what's missing.

No husband is perfect, it depends on what your value system is made of and no one can decide when enough is enough but you.

Your title has made me laugh a few times now.

So he had a child at pretty much 50 years old.
No offence, but I can think of nothing worse.
I’m 52 and tired constantly.