Sisters children and step child and our holiday

Yes…if the hen party has been planned a year in advance and the teens tagging along is a last-minute thing, what was the plan for them?

But OP is happy to take her nieces, who also want to go. Why should they be made to miss out because of a stepsister their mother keeps trying, and failing, to force onto them? They already know they’re invited and wanted there, and they don’t want their stepsister going either.

If their mother wants to alienate them by denying them time with their own family then that’s up to her. There’s no reason OP should do the same in order to appease her sister.

Why wasn’t your brother’s partner (ie, the child’s mum) supervising her own child in the pool? Or at the very least, your brother? Why was it down to you and your teens to supervise her children?

Well, your sister is just being a CF then.

You've told her no.

You need to get your parents to tell her that they love to see her kids, when she brings them all out for a family holiday.

And that encroaching on your only holiday of the year is cheeky fuckery.

A stepparent does not become responsible for a stepchild because they’ve married the parent. It’s a title, not an established legal relationship. They may choose to assume a level of responsibility, but they are equally free not to.

I was going to say something like this. Taking the nieces opens the OP up to having her sister say “But WHY won’t you take the youngest?!? We have to treat them equally”. The whole thing looks like a massive faff.

Good point made upthread: would DSIS be expecting you to do childcare/take her kids on holiday to a destination other than your parents'? I suspect she would suck it up and pay for holiday club for 7 yr old DSN, no?

This is totally down to the SD's dad - why have they left it til the last minute to sort it out?!
As soon as he changed jobs and realised he couldn't have this time off, he should have booked his daughter into some kind of holiday club. OK, it wouldn't be daughter's first choice, but if that's the only option then that's what has to happen.

Is it a week long hen weekend?

would the 13 and 15 year old daughters have been left in charge?

(not a direct criticism of your sister, I’m sure some 15 year old might be capable of looking after younger siblings over night, although mine definitely weren’t mainly because they fought!)

Any update from parents or sister?? (Yes I'm nosey).

I don’t understand why people are so rude and aggressive on MNs. You could have left it at “that’s my point - see previous posts.

I feel for.you OP - and would too be happy to take the older kids but not the 7yr old.

I have had a similar situation this summer where my sibling his 2 teens and his newish partner and her two lower primary kids were already at my parent's house when we arrived. It was a nightmare.

My 2 teens are used to being there, speak the local language (to a degree) have friends locally etc.

My youngest was constantly being expected to 'play' with the kids and they were both (and us) expected to watch them in the pool - caused quite an issue when I said no that wasn't their responsibility. I have a feeling this is going to blow up soon as my parent here is also struggling with the kids given the parent is 80+ and beyond grandparent childcare capabilities!

Yeah I'm with you here. I'm normally on the "you can't treat step kids differently" but this is a bit different because;

• the age gap is big and having a 7 yr old for a week is wild. My 8 yr old dd is not yet old enough to have sleepovers or go away with a friends family so I'm really surprised everyone thinks this is ok tbh. Presumably she hasn't seen your parents for a while as they're abroad and doesn't see you that much if she is with her dad only half the time. I wouldn't send my own child away with my brother/parents abroad for a week, I think it's too long at that age to ensure they feel safe and happy, especially in a foreign country. She does stay with them for a day or two and they're my child care but a week abroad is a lot.
• it's clearly a childcare thing because her dad has messed up. He shouldn't have agreed to a work trip during his week with her when on school holidays and he obviously can't negotiate now with his ex and his new wife (your sister) is basically refusing (which is fair enough) but the fact it's been assumed you'll do it is really unfair. It's so cheeky to ask.

I think you're being fair enough, having a few teenagers around isn't a bother and they'll all hang out together and go do their own thing. Having a young child, abroad alone without her mum and dad is totally different. I personally wouldn't send a 7 yr old away with anyone abroad. There's also a lot of admin challenges, e.g. at passport control they'll need written confirmation you can take her, if she needs medical help you'll need to have the equivalent of parental responsibility to approve anything (especially if there's a cost depending on the country).
The step-child thing is a bit of a red herring, I appreciate you feel it's different but I think it's more that she's a 7 yr old without her mum and dad, abroad for a whole week. It's a huge responsibility. By teenage years they're used to staying away from home, maybe have gone away with school abroad or with friends and can look after themselves. Aged 7 they are imo way too young for that.

If the child’s biological mother or father took their daughter out of the country legally they need a signed letter by the other biological parent.

I’ve never said ops sister is. I agreed she shouldn’t take her. It’s the assumptions by others I’ve disagreed with.

Exactly. There was some nice disparaging of a 7 year old child by @Ophy83 , as if it's perfectly normal for 7 year olds to be self-sufficient fit in with a group of teens...

Not wanting to go to holiday clubs when away with their parent does not automatically translate to the child not being easy going.

Even if the 7 year old was my biological niece, I don’t think I’d be comfortable taking them away on holiday without at least one of their parents. I’m not sure I’d be too happy taking the older two either tbh but that’s up to you.
Imagine going to a water park or something and having to watch the 7 year old like a hawk. No thanks.
Just out of interest, if you were on holiday somewhere else and not visiting your parents, what would your sister and her husband do for childcare then as they’re both putting work before their children?
At the end of the day, it isn’t your problem to sort.

Well, to be fair, there are zero 7 year old humans who are no trouble at all and basically self sufficient and able to fit in with any group of adults and teens without inconveience. All require supervision and time and patience.

This! She doesn't sound like a particularly easy going 7 year old. Presumably if she was no trouble at all and basically self-sufficient and able to fit in with a group of adults/teens without any inconvenience her own mother would take her on whatever holiday she has planned.

I think you've missed my whole point where I have repeatedly said it is the FATHERS responsibility to sort childcare. In some instances that might me his partner.

It's very difficult to have a coherent discussion if you don't bother reading or can't comprehend basic responses.

The brass neck on her running to mummy and daddy so she can put pressure on!

But she wants to take her nieces. Her sister is determined to strip her daughters of that, but OP would be happy to take them.