Sisters children and step child and our holiday

It won't be you the seven-year-old will cling to, given you hardly know her. It will be the teenaged step-sisters. And they don't want that. Sh*t show all round but no blame on you. Tell your sister you won't be responsible for a seven-year-old and that's final. How she chooses to enact that is down to her. You are not responsible for the disappointment.

Your sister is asking you to ruin your holiday, your parents' holiday and your children's holiday, because she and her husband haven't organised childcare for the 7 year old. It's really unfair of her to expect you to look after a 7 year old - that's the great thing about your children finally becoming teenagers, that holidays change such a lot and you can go out later at night, visit more interesting places etc.

OP said in an update that SD's maternal family won't help with childcare during dad's access time - so there's obviously been some issue with it before.

This thread is bonkers. The kids DAD needs to sort childcare, not palm her off onto his wife’s sister’s family!!! I would go mad if I found out that my exh was doing this with our children

YANBU OP

But when did they know the dad had to work, when did they know about your holiday, and when did they ask you to take all 3 kids?

TBF, they are at least consistent. I've yet to see a step family thread they haven't posted on.

I'm thinking that if your parents say that they will help out with care for the 7yr old...your dsis will then put pressure on you to take her

No ☺️

Understood…I was commenting on PP’s post about where the teens would have been left during the hen do. All cleared up now.

Just say no. It's your family holiday and she can't reasonably expect you to sacrifice it to be unpaid childcare. Their children, their responsibility.

Exactly! I wouldn’t be waving my 7 year old with basically strangers in a foreign country. Poor thing will be homesick.

Or the little girl's wider family step up. Her own grandparents, aunts, uncles.

Oh, surprise surprise. You're banging on about anyone who isn't family being of supposed lesser worth on yet another thread. Don't you get bored harping on about the same topic over and over?

Thing is, of course DSN would prefer to come with you all (or at least prefer the idea of it) as she is with people she largely knows rather than going to a club where she may not know anyone - and which will inconvenience sister as she will have to adjust her working week to do pick up and drop offs.

Fact is, if you do this now you also set a precedent: a) if your new BiL is caught short again he will expect you to step in; and b) he expects his step children to make accommodations for a younger sibling that - even were she a full blood sibling - they should not be required to do so and c) that the older nieces are now no longer allowed to expect to have anything for themselves, even with DSN having treats and travel and stuff organised by her own mother.

This is deeply unfair all around and I’m afraid your BiL needs to sort his life out - he either speaks to his employers and acknowledges the child care issue, or speaks to his ex and comes up with a plan with her, and/or he and sister contact every summer club until they can find a space for DSN and book her in. And DSis needs to understand that SHE chose to marry a man with a younger child and take on the step parenting role - her DC did not. It is up to her to juggle oer project around childcare because she consciously and knowingly signed up for it.

Sorry, @FallingDream I really feel you need to be a little hard-nosed - and say no, but that you will take DSN out for a treat when you all get back or something to make clear that this is not about DSN - it is about DSis and her husband, and protecting the interests of your own family and neices.

It's the 7 year old's father who should be changing his plans and telling his work he can't go on the trip. He made the commitment to have the 7 year old that week over a year ago.

It shouldn't be up to the girl's mother to cancel going on a hen do she told her ex she was going on over a year ago.

The 7 year olds dad should never have agreed to work away without organising a swap with her mum or checking your sister able to help. Only option left is holiday childcare.

their step sisters mum, who is the one going on the hen do.

Ahh, yes I was also confused. But my point stands - none of the so-called parents in the little girl's life want to change their plans for her. They're all 3 trying to palm it off onto you.

When are you booking flights @FallingDream ?

I'd give your sister a deadline, that you plan on booking flights asap and if she can let you know by X date whether your two nieces are coming with you, you'll be able to book flights with enough seats.

It's interesting that your sister is trying to guilt you into looking after her step-daughter on your holiday so she can go off on a jolly.

If she REALLY thought of her step-daughter as her daughter, she would of course, pull out from the hen do to look after her own DD. The fact that she is palming her SD off onto you (and thereby imposing on your holiday) says everythng about how she REALLY feels about her SD.

YANBU to refuse to take the SD. It's sad for the little girl: neither her actual father or mother, nor her supposedly devoted "I-treat-her-like-my-real-daughters" stepmother, can be arsed to change their plans to look after her.

Oh, that was my fault. Sorry, I muddled sister & Mum up.

This is his issue to deal with….not yours.

I think you're confusing the biological mother and the stepmother.

7year olds biological mum is going on a hen do, her father was supposed to take off work to look after her. The teens are the OPs sisters kids. The stepmum is working. There would be no instance where OPs sister is leaving any child unattended overnight.

“Help you out?!” 😂 How interesting 🧐

I'm not rude. I'm blunt. There's a difference.