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Original poster

Sisters children and step child and our holiday

711 replies

FallingDream · 23/08/2026 17:50

My parents moved back to my dad’s home country in March. We plan to visit them in October in the school holidays.

My sister has asked us if we will take her children and step child with us so that they get to see our parents but mainly to help with childcare as she and her partner have to work. Her partner is away with work that week and the week after.

My parents are ok with us bringing them all but I know it would end up with us looking after the youngest. Our children are 16 and 14 so we are at the stage where we can relax on holidays. My sisters kids are 15 and 13, step child is 7 so she still need looking after and more supervising.

Are we unreasonable not to take them with us or only take the older 2? We haven’t had a summer holiday this year so we were looking forward to relaxing holiday. We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

DS can’t take the week off as she is too busy at work with a project at that time apparently. My husband says we may as well stay home if we aren’t going to be able to relax properly and it’s gone from something we were all looking forward to, to something that we don’t want to do. We are all reasonable happy to take our nieces as they don’t need looking after as such and they won’t change the vibe of the holiday.

My sister insists step child is ‘easy’ so we will be able to relax. That won’t be the case as I will feel very responsible for her and obviously she may miss her dad, my sister and her mum. She lives 50/50 between her mum and dad. Her mum is on holiday and this is her dad’s time. He’s away with work which annoys me more. I also find it strange that the little girls mum is fine with her coming away with us when we have only met her mum twice. I feel sorry for the little girl quite honestly, but we really want a break.

Sorry if it’s all a bit jumbled but hope I’ve explained it all. What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
FallingDream · 23/08/2026 18:21

JLou08 · 23/08/2026 17:55

Most 7 year olds are easy to look after. Between 4 adults and 4 teens surely she won't be a burden. The way you talk about the girl and her parents it does sound more like it's because she isn't a biological relative.
It's obviously up to you what you do, you're not obliged to help your sister or her DC.

Edited

I don’t want to be looking after a child though. It’s meant to be a holiday. My teens would refuse to look after her and I’d respect that. They will be on a break from school.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 23/08/2026 18:20

YANBU but I would just say you’re not in a position to take any of them- otherwise it just looks like favouritism to your blood relatives.

Having reached this position I would just say you’ve now realised you need to change the dates of the trip and then just book it and tell her once it’s done.

If your parents want to see their grandkids they’ll just have to arrange it separately.

GrantMyWishes · 23/08/2026 18:17

Between your DS and her partner, they need to decide what to do, rather than palming the little girl off on people that she doesn't know really well, and spoiling your holiday OP. So in my opinion, they either book holiday club for the little one, pay someone else to look after her - does she have other grandparents, or if all else fails, then Daddy should take sick leave, regardless of whether he's supposed to be away on business, his child needs to come first, and he should have thought this through, not expected to dump her on his SIL and ruin her holiday.!

Cherrysoup · 23/08/2026 18:16

Your sister’s taking the piss. Be firm. You’re happy (I think) to take the older ones, but a youngster of 7 is a whole different kettle of fish and as you say, you’d want to put in more effort with her to ensure she’s comfortable. The older ones probably wouldn’t be thrilled either, given they’re similar ages. Plus, again, she barely knows you! Just tell her no, you’re not offering childcare.

Everydayimhuffling · 23/08/2026 18:15

I agree with some PP that you should drop the step-child part of the explanation and focus on the ages. Also, your DSis definitely knows that her SD does need looking after because I very much doubt she'd be thinking about childcare for the oldest two. They'd be fine to leave at home while she works in the holidays and the 7 year old wouldn't because she does require more supervision. YANBU

Your Dsis's partner is an arse, btw!

Original poster
FallingDream · 23/08/2026 18:15

Disasterclass · 23/08/2026 18:09

If they need childcare why don’t they just book a holiday club for the youngest? The teenagers won’t need childcare. Might be best to take none of them rather than there being issues with favouriting the older ones

We are told that the youngest doesn’t like going to holiday clubs and wants to be with the older two. We have been told for years that we should treat them the same. I think it’s a shame that my nieces don’t get to see my parents because otherwise she will say we are favouring them but maybe it will cause less trouble to say no. It won’t solve her issue though.

OP posts:
JustGiveMeReason · 23/08/2026 18:15

No I wouldn't be taking the 7 year old.

I would say I was happy to escort the 13 and 15 yr old on the journey if sis wanted to pay for them to go and visit Grandparents, but obviously any 7 yr old would completely change the dynamic, so I wouldn't be doing that.

The 7 yr old's parents need to sort school holiday care between them, not try to emotionally blackmail you (and your parents) into looking after this little girl because they haven't sorted the childcare.

AirportParking · 23/08/2026 18:12

The absolute cheek of it! Your sister wants you to take 3 extra children with you on holiday, while she gets the house to herself at home. No way!

I hate things like this. Now you're in that damned if you do, damned if you don't situation and being the bad guys for preventing the kids seeing their grandparents.

I would say no to taking any, or even bail out on going at all. Next time you plan to visit "book it last minute" and avoid telling your sister.

Tryagain26 · 23/08/2026 18:12

JLou08 · 23/08/2026 17:55

Most 7 year olds are easy to look after. Between 4 adults and 4 teens surely she won't be a burden. The way you talk about the girl and her parents it does sound more like it's because she isn't a biological relative.
It's obviously up to you what you do, you're not obliged to help your sister or her DC.

Edited

7 year olds are still very young and need a lot of looking after . They are not self sufficient and I wouldn't say that most are easy to look after either. It's a huge responsibility to take someone else's child to a different country too and there may be issues at passport control (I was behind someone in a queue who has issues because one of the children had a different name on their passport) .
Also she may miss her mum and dad, she is being taken to visit people she probably doesn't know well by OP and her husband who she also might not know well. Poor child.
OP I think you would be reasonable to say you can't take any of the children. It's your holiday you want a break and you want to spend quality time with your parents not be an unpaid childminder

Original poster
FallingDream · 23/08/2026 18:10

Disasterclass · 23/08/2026 18:09

If they need childcare why don’t they just book a holiday club for the youngest? The teenagers won’t need childcare. Might be best to take none of them rather than there being issues with favouriting the older ones

It’s a shame for our nieces and parents to miss out on seeing each other when taking them isn’t a problem at all. It’s only taking the younger one that brings issues.

OP posts:
CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 23/08/2026 18:09

If the step child is that easy then all 3 kids can stay home and they can pay / bribe the older 2 kids to look after her then can't they?

Also it's in no way reasonable to say that the children need to be treated the same by taking them all on holiday for a week when they've met the 7 year old twice and presumably have a life long relationship with the older 2. Never mind the fact that a having a 7 year old there will totally change the holiday.

It's a hard FUCK NO from me

Original poster
FallingDream · 23/08/2026 18:09

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 23/08/2026 18:00

But the easier solution to this is to say no to taking any? Just re read the ages - 13 and 15 do not need a parent to look after them in school holidays.
So really, your sister doesn’t actually need childcare for the older 2 but is framing it as such so she can guilt you into also taking the younger stepchild, who is actually the only one requiring the childcare. This isn’t your problem, it’s not even your sister’s problem. The child has 2 parents who simply both cannot choose to be away at the same time.

Say no to all.

She wants them to see our parents and my parents are desperate to see them too so there is a reason to take them. Taking our nieces isn’t a problem at all.

OP posts:
Disasterclass · 23/08/2026 18:09

If they need childcare why don’t they just book a holiday club for the youngest? The teenagers won’t need childcare. Might be best to take none of them rather than there being issues with favouriting the older ones

ThisMauveTurtle · 23/08/2026 18:07

Both parents are 50/50 and they can't be bothered with the little girl.
That girl has school holidays and none of her parents can be bothered with her, otherwise they could get childcare during working hours and have evenings to enjoy.
Instead, they want the while week to themselves.
I wouldn't bring her for the simple reason of, I wouldn't want to take any part of her being treated as a nuicance by her parents

momtoboys · 23/08/2026 18:06

This would be a sorry, no for me.

Original poster
FallingDream · 23/08/2026 18:06

fashionqueen0123 · 23/08/2026 17:59

If it’s the dad’s time she should be with her Dad.

Just say no. We’re on holiday and don’t want responsibility for other kids. Please don’t mention about her not being your niece that sounds unkind.

Part of it is that she isn’t our niece though. I would feel that I had to make more effort with her to make sure she’s comfortable.

OP posts:
ToddlerMum4748282 · 23/08/2026 18:05

Fuck that. No way. Even the teenagers - what if they sneak out at night? Break an arm? Get food poisoning? A boyfriend dumps them? Or whatever else can happen to a teenager.

And omg NO to the 7 year old. You would have to CRAZY to take on that responsibility.

Dearg · 23/08/2026 18:05

YANBU.

From the standpoint of the 7 year old, she’d be going away with two adults whom she barely knows, because her own parents and stepmum are useless.

Not acceptable. Your sister needs to sort it out with her own husband.

Gillettegirl · 23/08/2026 18:05

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 23/08/2026 18:00

But the easier solution to this is to say no to taking any? Just re read the ages - 13 and 15 do not need a parent to look after them in school holidays.
So really, your sister doesn’t actually need childcare for the older 2 but is framing it as such so she can guilt you into also taking the younger stepchild, who is actually the only one requiring the childcare. This isn’t your problem, it’s not even your sister’s problem. The child has 2 parents who simply both cannot choose to be away at the same time.

Say no to all.

Completely agree with this.

Original poster
FallingDream · 23/08/2026 18:05

Bringmebacktothe90s · 23/08/2026 17:59

Your sister is basically trying to palm her step child off on you cause she doesn’t want to use AL to look after her, when her useless partner is away on work on the time he is supposed to have his daughter. His daughter his responsibility he will need to arrange childcare himself. Both sound like they are wanting to palm her off. Him to his partner and his partner-your sister to you. I feel sorry for this little girl. And her mum under no circumstances should be letting this child go to another country with people she’s only met twice!

That’s exactly how I feel.

We are a nice, normal family who will take very good care of her child, but her mum doesn’t know that, and the thought of letting my children go on holiday with people I’d only met twice is mental.

OP posts:
GardenCovent · 23/08/2026 18:04

I wouldn’t want to he responsible for someone else’s child on holiday, especially when you don’t know the mother, that’s a massive ask

Netcurtainnelly · 23/08/2026 18:03

Would she do it for you, has she done it for you, are you a close family in general?

Has it come out the blue ? What's your relationship like. Not enough info but ultimately it's your call of course.

constantnc · 23/08/2026 18:02

If your DC want their older cousins to join them I'd take those. Not the 7 year old due to age nothing else.
If your DC arent bothered I'd say no sorry to all of them.

Ilikewinter · 23/08/2026 18:02

I would also say no for tall the reasons you've given OP. But.... that aside, are you actually able to take her out of the UK?

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 23/08/2026 18:00

But the easier solution to this is to say no to taking any? Just re read the ages - 13 and 15 do not need a parent to look after them in school holidays.
So really, your sister doesn’t actually need childcare for the older 2 but is framing it as such so she can guilt you into also taking the younger stepchild, who is actually the only one requiring the childcare. This isn’t your problem, it’s not even your sister’s problem. The child has 2 parents who simply both cannot choose to be away at the same time.

Say no to all.