Sisters children and step child and our holiday

When you reiterate that you’re prepared to take the older ones but not the 7 year old you’ll find out how committed she is to the idea that all 3 must be treated exactly the same. You may find she changes her tune pretty quickly.

and that's completely understandable.
I would be prioritising my own kids and what they want on holiday, instead of trying to solve BiLs childcare problems.
Fact is, with your kids ages you probably don't have too many holidays left with them..... they should be prioritised - doesn't matter what your sis thinks.

Straightforward solution. If the 7-YO is 'easy' the older children can stay at home with her and babysit.

That way no child is being privileged over another and you are being unfair to all. How can your DSis possibly object to that?

Normally I'm the person saying just take them, what difference does one more make, what are families for etc. But in this case it's a hell no! It's not the fact she's a step-nieice, it's because she's 7, there wouldn't be a parent or next of kin on holiday with her - what if she needed medical treatment?!? - and at a totally different stage supervision wise to your own kids. Unfair for her step siblings to miss out because the wee ones ad. Mum & step mum are all prioritising something else over her!

"Most 7 year olds are easy to look after."

Sorry, but they're really not. They can be lovely kids and interesting, but they want to do small child things which OP, her husband and the teenagers won't want to do. They'll whinge and cry when you have to leave an activity, you'll have to cajole them into coming with you and leaving the playground etc. and if they're at all spoilt by their parents they'll be demanding toys, fairground rides, etc. all the time.

You offer to take the eldest 2 as this is not a significant imposition. If DS insists all three are treated equally then ok, none of them come. It is a shame your parents don’t get to see them but that is your sister’s choice. Don’t be bullied into taking a 7yo with you when you don’t want to.

I'd tell your sister that you will take the older ones but not the younger one, and it's nothing to do with being a step child and everything to do with her age. I'd tell her that she can say what she likes if she wants to make this awkward, but you won't be budging on this. You can take the older ones, but if she wants all 3 to go then she has to take them herself. It's the older two or none at all. Her choice. That's all that's on offer.

I think you might have to get tough and say take it or leave it; the 2 older ones or none. I'd avoid getting into reasons that your sister can try to debate with you about. You don't have to justify your reasons.

We suggested just taking our nieces but got the usual stuff about treating them all the same. She’s not the same because she is 7 and needs looking after, and yes, also, she isn’t our niece so it is different.

The thing people wth blended families need to understand is that it's their choice to treat children & step-children as if they are all the same, but to extended family - aunts, grandparents etc - that thinking might not apply.

It's your sister's choice to treat her DH's child "as her own" but she can't impose that choice on you as well. You can say "No."

You would end up doing a lot of hands-on childcare, as the other group of DC who are all teenagers, are not going to want a 7 yo tagging along.

I understand your point on both her age and not being a biological relative. You will essentially be responsible for a unrelated child in a foreign country. That does bring additional responsibilities and means that you can't be as laid back as you might otherwise be. As for her age, the teenagers will no doubt want to go off and do their own thing, whereas she will likely be bored and need entertaining, supervising and organising.

No way. It is not your issue, nor is it your ds issue.
Bloody cheeky. It is her dfs problem to solve

If she wants them all treated the same, just say no to all of them. She can't really have it both ways.

TBF nothing OP has said suggests she'd be willing to take a 7 year old niece to whom she was biologically related either. She has clear objections to providing the care a child of that age would inevitably need.

I have only seen one person mention it so far but does 7 yr old have a loving grandparents relationship with your parents? If your parents have been like grandparents to her since she can remember and she loves them dearly I think YABU. If there is no special bond then this is ridiculous and, of course, you are not taking a 7 year old overseas to spend time with adults she barely knows.

Could your parents take responsibility for the 7 year old? You say that you just need a holiday and your parents say ok, we’ll look after Jane??

Are they heck as like!

At 7 she's very young and is in a foreign country away from her family, staying with people she barely knows. Of course she'll need a fair whack of looking after.

The 13 & 14 year old and the older teens will no doubt pair off and have fun while the 7 year old is too young to tag along. There would b no way I'd accept that kind of burden on what's supposed to be a relaxing holiday.

OP, your sister is a CF trying to make her problem - actually, her DH's problem - into yours.

Nope-that would turn your holiday into work.

However lovely the child and regardless of the relationship to you, it would completely change your trip. None of the teenagers are going to want to hang out with her much and you are going to be less relaxed with a child (who is not your own) and so much younger. Repeat your offer to take the older girls, it's up to your sister and her DH to sort childcare. Are there no family of the mum's or dad's who can help?

How would you feel if DSD was your biological neice? Would it make any difference to your decision?
If not, then stop talking about her like she's the spare wheel of the family! Poor girl

I would stand fast. You would not be taking your nieces on holiday, just escorting them on the flights for them to visit their grandparents.

I would be having words with my sister about her attempt to strongarm me into being her unpaid childcare, and point out that her stepdaughter's parents are the people with responsibility for her care, not me. And if she wants to prevent her daughters from visiting their grandparents she can pick up the phone and have that conversation with her own parents.

My offer is escorting my nieces on flights, nothing more. Take it or leave it, but it's up to you, sister dearest, to explain YOUR decision to YOUR daughters and YOUR parents.

I can’t imagine that the young child’s mum would be happy her going abroad with a family she barely knows?
Not to mention would she even get through check in? She’s not related to any of you. You can’t just take someone else’s kid abroad without questions being asked. No chance would I do this. No chance at all

The fact that your BiL isn't free during his allocated time to look after his own child isn't your problem and shouldn't impact on your/your husband's holiday with your children.
Your sis is taking the piss.
Your kids might be happy to spend time with their cousins, but just because your sis insists everyone is treated the same, doesn't means your kids should have a 7yr old forced upon them. I'm sure they don't want to hang out with a 7yo.

Regardless of the younger one being a step-child, just say it’s too much for 2 adults to look after 5 children in a different country, particularly when 3 of those children aren’t your own and one is under 10. Surely you need consent from 7 year olds mom anyway?

If you take her DSD this time it will be expected every time.

It’s really unfair to you. You’ve raised your kids and your sister trying to foist her partner’s responsibility on to you is just searching for
the next nearest female to solve their issues.